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Stuffed Crust Pizza and Two Sad Men This week, Tom's hungry and Tim is stricken with a mild case of Super Bowl Fever. We discuss the surprising difficulty of getting a stuffed crust pizza delivered, Tim's awkwardness when booking a massage appointment, an interesting conversation Tom heard through his window and we argue about the relevance of Ferris Bueller in 2012. Also, Tom adds another item to his Mundane Bucket List and we solve a roommate squabble in a new installment of Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Groundhog DayTim goes to the Philharmonic, Groundhog's Day vs. Groundhog Day, equinoxes, learning facts through rhymes, Tom's S.A.D., Pennsylvanian dialects, disagreements about how interesting the Amish are, famous groundhogs, the Brian Doyle-Murray movie, NEW SEGMENT: Lyrical Analysis: Stevie Wonder's "Part-time Lover" plus Tim and Tom Solve a Military Problem.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | FacebookThis week we discuss all things Facebook, including 4 types of annoying Facebook users, the long, emotional process of canceling your account and the inherent insincerity of the Facebook "Happy Birthday" message. The hot new segment "Mundane Bucket List" returns as Tim announces his first entry. Also, Tim is annoyed by a woman at the deli and Tom insults all women in general.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | UnderwearUnderwear shopping, replacing underwear, a frank discussion about boxers, briefs and box-briefs, 24 hour a day websites, and an exciting new segment: The Mundane Bucket List.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | MedicineThis week we discuss getting pity when you're sick, picking regular cold medicine over "extra strength" medicine, Tom's back problems, Tim's quest for Nyquil immunity and homeopathic remedies. This episode also includes a long segment from the recent TCGTE live New York City show, where we discuss the major events of 2011.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | New Year's ResolutionsInaccurate New Year's countdowns, Williamsburg turning into a war zone on New Year's Eve, literally running away from your problems, avoiding nursing homes, getting in shape for the new year and podcasting in a new language.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Kim Jong IlThis week, Tom is very enthusiastic about some good deeds he's performed and Tim is beaten down by a trip to the mall. Then we talk about Kim Jong Il's golfing prowess, dissect more claims made by the deceased crazy person, and Tom contemplates taking a trip to North Korea.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Christmas SongsA frank discussion of what type of wine to bring to a holiday party, a genius idea for a make your own wine label store, plugs for live shows in New York City and London, and we count down the Top 10 Christmas Songs of all time while writing our own new, instant classic. Do you have loved ones? Are you buying them gifts for the holidays? Make sure you do it through TCGTE.com/Amazon to help support the show!Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Santa ClausThis week we talk about Santa Claus! We discuss not letting your kids listen to this show, the history of Santa Claus, the times we each discovered a little secret about Santa, sending mail by burning it in a fireplace, eight legged horses and the logic of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. We also solve a problem for somebody who made an unfortunate choice of university.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | The SkyMall Holiday Gift GuideTom pulls an amateur laundry tipping move, Tim reminisces about The Real World San Francisco (again) and we go through the top gifts you can buy for any asshole on your list from the SkyMall catalogue.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | The MuppetsTim and Tom discuss their upcoming NYC Live Show on December 30th and then get right into the Muppets. Topics include being afraid of Muppet enthusiasts, Tim's childhood fears of Muppets coming alive in his room, Tom's Jim Henson college stories, OJ Simpson's ill-advised pranks, the sad fate of trench coats and Fraggle Rock as an antidote to laser-shooting robots. Also, theories are discussed regarding a college professor who places a lot of importance on snacks.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Cranksgiving & Sleep No MoreTim rides a bike way further than his body was willing to take him in the name of charity and Tom attends the theater in this week's episode: Cranksgiving / Sleep No More.
Sign up for a free 14 day trial and free audiobook download at http:audibletrial.com/completeguideListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Zooey DeschanelThis week we cover Tom's continuing Batman-related depression, tales of playground cowardice, the mistaken belief that Zooey Deschanel is attainable and irritatingly opportunistic crooners. We also tackle a New York Times article about a fool, receive an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at a listener's house and solve a risqué problem.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | MarathonsThis week we discuss Tim's new tell-all book, bringing your own bread to a deli, Tom losing out on the role of a lifetime in The Dark Knight Rises, setting up booby traps for marathon runners and we solve a young woman's problems with meeting men.
Sign up for a free 14 day trial and free audiobook download at audibletrial.com/completeguideListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Listener MailThis week we go through the millions of emails we receive from our loyal listeners. They ask us for advice, correct our many mistakes, provide more information on topics from previous episodes and give us slow cooker recipes. We also talk about annoying questions at Halloween parties, calling into radio shows and fighting with the hosts, strange radio shows that report on children's playground gossip and we try to coordinate a podcast dinner party with all of our listeners.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Halloween Spooktacular 2011Tom reviews the new Batman Arkham City, Batman Goggles, Tim's Homeschooling, sexy smock Halloween costumes, poisoned Halloween candy, celebrating Halloween as a responsible adult, a tragic Pepper the House Horse update, befriending bums and Tim's call for recipes.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | ZombiesZombies! Zombies! Zombies! This week we talk about the all things zombies including The Walking Dead, World War Z, real life Haitian zombies and how we'd fare in the zombie apocalypse. And also: using this podcast as torture, overtipping jerk baristas, dating habits of the petite and the last episode of M*A*S*H.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Steve JobsThis week, Tom and Laugh-A-Minute Bill Barnaby pay tribute to Steve Jobs and celebrate his legacy. Also covered: KB Toys vs. Toys R Us, racist Commodore 64 games, prank calling the Home Shopping Network instead of going on spiritual journeys to India, using a computer with a weird cassette tape drive, doctors chopping their own salads, Tom's ill-fated trip to the doctor's office and seeing your pediatrician when you're 20 years old.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | HamburgersMusings on Two and a Half Men, the importance of nice buns, the scam behind McDonald's Monopoly game, Tom's heartbreaking tale of childhood loneliness, Tim almost sacrifices his life for the best hamburger in NYC, plus we solve some problems with girlfriend friends and 80s sax songs.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Ancient AliensTales of rich lady pizzeria haggling, Tom willing to pay exorbitant prices for Back to the Future Nike Air Mags, selfish notions of wishing NYC was grittier, the Ark of the Covenant being a nuclear device, nuclear explosions thousands of years ago, Ancient Volcanos and some advice about sending us drunk emails in the middle of the night.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | JeopardyThis week we discuss a possible Jeopardy conspiracy, book festivals vs. comic book conventions, punching people in the back of the head and getting pantsed in Junior High. Also, we also discuss a particular type of a**hole we didn't realize existed until the New York Times pointed it out to us, with some controversy.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Back to SchoolIt's Back to School time kids! This week we cover the types of products Amazon.com sells, old people with face tattoos, the cruelness of back to school marketing, moving to college, Trapper Keepers vs. iPads, Tom attempting to start a bar brawl and pencil cases.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | WeddingsThis week we talk about weddings and whatnot. We'll discuss how much cursing is acceptable in a best man toast, what to do if you forget the bride's name at a wedding, and why not to wear an $85 tuxedo to the next wedding you attend. Also, Tom dreams about personal helicopters, Tim has written a lot more songs than you'd expect and the two of them give some relationship advice in another installment of Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | HurricanesShredder technology, NYC Earthquake, local news reporters, drug tests, Sade Baderinwa is a compulsive liar, hipster hurricane survival, rats coming out of the toilets, Hog Island, government controlling the weather.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | The KardashiansThis week Tim and Tom struggle to keep up with the Kardashians, who generally confuse them more than anything else. Also, Tim desperately needs glasses but won't wear them because he got a bad haircut, Tom has a question about urinals, Tim makes the wrong choice when making a citizen's arrest and Back to the Future guru Tom talks about recent BTTF origin stories.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Last Minute VacationsThis week Tom mulls over where to go during his week of from the mill. Destinations considered include vigilantism in Pittsburgh, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Clooneying a North Carolinian Town, or staying in a capsule hotel in Tokyo. Chinese factories, Tim's new intro man, pre-selling your possessions in case of death and The Bug Light/Complete Guide to Everything Party Cruise are also discussed.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | MuseumsPrepare to get cultured this week! Tim and Tom discuss museums of all kinds, including several that don't exist but should. We also go over our recent NYC live show, and explain why it wasn't recorded (WHOOPS!). Also, we talk about hobos using libraries, Tom's bloody video games, Tim's explicit music purchases and we solve a problem for a Canadian moving to New York.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | New York Yankees
Tim Accuses Tom of Being Bimbo, Playboy at the library, Zillions, Weird Legal Drugs, Tim Explains How The Show Works and Who The Yankees Are For Those Who Do Not Like Baseball, Literally Giving Your Life for Derek Jeter, Tim's Conversation with Bobby Abreu, A Lord of the Ring-esque Journey for Better Seats, Alex Trebek: Vigilante?, T&T Solve a Problem with a Methhead Yard Sale Customer, Another Plug for the NYC Live Show and a Brief Discussion of When People Started to Hate Gwyneth P ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Beating the Heat
It's a heat wave! Listen to Tim and Tom debate the merits of the heat index, talk about experiences with morons in pizza places and encourage everyone to bring an escort to the NYC Live Show on August 4th. Also, Tim & Tom Solve Your Problems, returns with a listener who has a severe cat urine problem.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | PlankingNetflix outrage, AT&T's futuristic creepy phone booths, the promise of Epcot Center, Grandfathering, Planking, Balconies, Owling, Tim Meets the World's Smallest Woman, Tom Insults Astronauts, Pat Sajak's Secret Agenda, Derek Jeter's Baseball Soup, North Korean Women's Soccer Team Hit By Lightning, Crime Corner: Prison Porn and Lactation as a WeaponListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Swimming Pools
Who doesn't love swimming pools? Evildoers, that's who. This week, Tim and Tom discuss everybody's favorite summer pastime, sitting around in filthy pools of water. Tom talks about his many heroic saves as a lifeguard and Tim speaks about his recent car accident and the old man on the street who put a spell on him.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Cults
This week we discuss: Boy Meets World Meets Cults, Tricking Tim into Joining a Cult,Technical Difficulties, Cargo Cults, Heaven's Gate Cult, Getting Your World Views from 4 Year Olds, Don't Listen to Star Trek, Alien Abduction Insurance, Drinking the Flavor-Aid and Tim & Tom Solve Your Fake Problems in The Complete Guide to Cults.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Summertime Part 1Tim and Tom share their thoughts on the hottest season of the year and debate whether adults should enjoy the summer. Also covered: buying children's clothes to take advantage of back to school sales, visiting Amish country, creating foreign alter-egos to avoid boring conversations and we solve a problem from a man named Constable Wayne.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Canadian TravelThis week we talk about traveled 90 minutes and being in a completely different country than America! Also we go over the New York Live Show, Email Addresses with a space in them, Coconuts M&Ms, Peanut Allergies, Adventures at the M&M Store in Times Square, Fight or Flight, Witnessing a Murder in the Woods while Camping, Old Ladies and the Rules, Tom's Flight Delays and a Lovely Dinner for One at a Classy Establishment.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Father's Day
Need to get your dad a last minute Father's Day gift? We'll give you some ideas, but first we talk about jet packs, hover bikes and how to pick up a famous journalist at a high school prom. Then it's off to Brookstone to sit in the fancy vibrating chairs and buy some crap for your pops!Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Zooey and The BergeIn this week's thrilling installment Tom discuses his early childhood detective career, a juggling update, the dangers of being hypnotized, a call to action for Zooey and The Berge, getting advice from t-shirts and Tim and Tom solve a paperboy's problem.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | BBQs
It's the unofficial start of summer, and we all know what that means: Backyard BBQ season has begun! Join Tim and Tom as they discuss the proper way to host a BBQ and talk about learning new magic tricks, the intricacies of reality shows nobody watched, burning your face with a fire wallet and regulating BBQ sauce output. Also, listen until the end to find out about Tom's June 15th meetup in Toronto and a $1000 juggling-related wager.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | The RaptureA return to camping, the importance of Tom's watch, The Rapture, ponies on a train, scratch off lottery tickets, Tom's pro boon inventions for Starbucks and Burger King, another crack at the TCGTE theme song, and Tim and Tom solve a follow up inquiry about a newly vegan roommate and help out a college student who believes his professor wants to give him some after class instruction.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | International Travel
Fresh off a trip to London to do a couple of live shows, we recount some of the finer points of international travel. Topics include ordering middle of the night meatball sandwiches, the importance of protecting your valuables, solving historical crimes near your hotel and not bringing a parachute onto a commercial airliner. Also, Tom has infuriating opinions regarding the proper way for customs agents to welcome citizens back to their home country.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | BigfootThis week Tim's tired and Tom's defensive about Back to the Future 3. We also discuss the various forms of bear entertainment, cryptozoology, 70s cartoons, extreme living, breeding big feet, raising monkids, The Real World San Francisco, Little Big Foot and of course Goofus and Gallant.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | The Royal WeddingThis week, we discuss the topic everyone is sick of, The Royal Wedding. Did you hear about this? Did you read about this in the news? We also talk about eating Cadbury Creme Eggs while drunk and legitimate news reports about Superman and we solve listeners' problems about romance and vegan roommates.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Breaking UpBreaking up is hard sometimes, but we do our best to let you down easy this week with our discussions of harebrains, literal baby cakes, real monsters, how good of swimmers we are and easy ways to break up with someone else. We also tear down New York Times Paywall by proving we never needed them in the first place.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Dating: The Art of SeductionIn the third part of our acclaimed "Dating" series, we take a look at the "seduction community" and strange process in which some people try to woo members of the opposite sex. We also talk about chivalry in modern times, and cover "the bases" for those not in the know. Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Loch Ness MonsterWe begin our "The Complete Guide to Everything: Myths and Legends" series off with a bang, gunning for public enemy number 1: The Loch Ness Monster. Also, Tom submits his evolutionary thesis concerning unattractive people and fetishists.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | CandyHey! You like candy? Of course you do! This week we discuss different types of candy, teen clothing stores, a legitimately sad news story, Rebecca Black and the reason why women find George Clooney so damn attractive. Also Tim & Tom solve a reader's utterly ridiculous problem.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Kitchen NightmaresA quick update on the trials and tribulations of Tom getting coffee, Tim discusses wasting his life away all because of Gordon Ramsay, a psychological exploration into the minds of patrons to restaraunts featured on Kitchen Nightmares. Also we talk about Freegans in our New York Times segment and we solve some problems with Facebook snooping.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | HaircutCast Part 2
In this episode we discuss the upcoming TCGTE live show in London and all the wonderful, amazing things that will happen there. Then we get down to business and talk about the hot topic everyone is dying to hear about: getting a haircut. We also give advice to businesses large and small about setting up elaborate Candid Camera-style job interviews and Tom tries to sell unsuspecting listeners gold coins.
Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | iPad 2
Personal space while trying to get coffee, waiting in line drunk for an iPad 2, learning about sex first hand at Northwestern University, not learning about sex at all at Brigham Young University and we solve a problem involving a horse.
Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Daytime TV
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Inspired by Tim's weeklong bout with the flu in which he did little more than watch daytime television non-stop in a feverish haze, Tom and Tim discuss the sorry state of TV programming that most normal people do not watch. We also cover Tom's recent airplane mishaps (AIRPLANE HUMOR!!!), as he was recently traveling the world like the fancy jetsetter he is.
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