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The Joan and Jeff Show Podcasts

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The Joan and Jeff Show #22

Monday: In the car trying to get off site, we’ve made it from field to road and we’re making good progress. Darren’s very pleased with his TT’s four wheel drive. We almost have a crash. Darren explains why we didn’t do a Sunday podcast – because the rain was finally getting us down. The Chemical Brothers had lasers and a guy behind us collapsed. The rain means that you wear more clothes and these weigh you down. Darren goes on about his hat some more and its chick-magnetism. We went back to ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #21

Saturday: We’re at the Jazz stage drinking Brothers Pear Cider waiting for Rodrigo & Gabriela amigos. We’re not sure if you’ll be able to hear us and Darren thinks the MP3 recorder looks like cylon. What should we call this podcast. Brothers Pear Cider is really strong. We saw Incandescence, a weird Middle Eastern circus. Darren’s bought a T-shirt (look at the picture). The T-shirts are made by a company called Supreme Being. Daren’s brought an uncrinkler for his T-shirt. We’ve got showers. ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #20

Friday: We’re in the crew area Green Room, Darren thinks that there aren’t enough young women here … but wait a minute. I still can’t remember common sayings. We complain about the band taking too long to soundcheck. We saw Sandi Thom earlier and constructively criticise her set, then we discuss how Amy Winehouse is sexy, but in what way? We loved The Cat Empire, they did a great set on the Avalon stage, and got the place really dancing. Then we saw Hot Chip at the John Peel stage, a long w ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #19

Thursday: Sitting in the tent in the rain … do apples clean your teeth? And is toothpaste too minty to put in your mouth before sleep. Darren’s foley, or folio sound effects. We have a laugh at the Italians. We could be in a tent in the rain anywhere in the world, how can we prove we’re in Glastonbury. We talk about the Glastonbury storms on the Thursday night 2005 and how they flooded the green room and ruined our breakfast. More apple sound effects. We had a good night at the crew bar “Sl ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #18

A special Easter 2007 show, sorry we've not been podcasting for a while, here goes: I didn't like Danny Boyle's new film "Sunshine" and Rob thinks the whole premise of the movie is daft. If you're a physicist email joanandjeff@mac.com to explain fission to us. Danny Boyle loves himself and told me that a spoonful of the sun weighs a ton . Rob wants to talk about Global Warming ... anthropomorphically. We argue about pollution and conclude that all humans should be wiped out. Eric Idle is mo ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #17

Shout out to Weetootwaag. We’re drinking Becks lager today. Rob has actually listened to previous podcasts and read some of your mails. I was drinking on the train and got looked at disapprovingly by an old lady. It’s illegal to drink in the streets of Britain and Ireland now, I tell about our encounter in Dublin. I’ve give Rob a present … and he’s disgusted. I try them and they are disgusting. Rob’s song is called “Big Fat Shapely Shitter” and I’m disparaging about it. Let us know what you ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #16

The missing second half of the birthday show. More wine tasting. We’re still confused about what episode it is – will we ever learn to count? Can you guess the identity of the “It’s nice,” catchphrase? Why are sausages called bangers? I’ve lost Brian Marquis’ photo … then I find it. Rob’s shiny trouser advice, then he messes with Mr. T. I’ve swapped to beer tasting. We impersonate Jean Michel Jarre … badly. I describe a glitch music concert. I get a text message from my mum. “Just be sensib ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #12

Rob's not ready. Apparently I'm a slave driver!!? We talk about Rob's acting ... check him out at Triggerstreet.com and search for "Extreme Close up". Debbie phones in but she doesn't like being on air, Rob then reveals that he has her breasts on his cell. I tell about Rob being a bastard on the previous, unreleased show. Rob's can of beer smells like burnt rubber and chimps turds. We tell how the two lead actors went on a bender last night. Rob does a Morrissey impression! We explain that ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #15

We think it’s show 16 but it’s actually show 15. We have a glass dilemma and decide to toss for it. We’re drinking Chateau Frederic, why don’t you go and buy a bottle and join in our tasting. I’ve got proper red wine glasses and everything. We’ll postpone the tasting for ten minutes to give the wine a chance to breathe. Stella’s mum’s secret toilet paper. We appeared in the Bionic Genius podcast again – this time they used our music, which was nice of them. Afternoon T played us insulting h ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #14

We improvise some intro music. The plumber’s coming. I can’t remember who we’re shouting out to so I go get the laptop. Rob hates James Blunt and transforms him into a chicken. Shout out to Alan of Bionic Geniuses who sent in his photo, which is on the web page. It’s my birthday show so Rob gives me a shit birthday present. Rob tries to make me into an agony aunt – this section is really bad. Dancing sentences. Someone pushed me around in a club. The dance of death. Seventies dances: the dy ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #13

We pretend to be a radio show masquerading as a podcast - I explain that I started a discussion on Podcastalley saying that radio presenters don't belong in podcasting, but I've changed my mind now ... fickle or what? My phone rings ... twice ... in quick succession. Happy Slapping - does this happen in the US? Rob tells the stories of Laughing Boy. Which leads on to tales of bike riding while on drugs. I tell the story of when I was happy slapped. Are you trespassing if you're in a railway ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #11

We think it's episode 10 but it's actually show 11. We try to shout out but my phone rings, how unprofessional, Rob stops the recording for the first time ever. Finally we shout out to bionicgenius.com. Hangover cures: milk thistle, irn bru, japs liver salts and the full english breakfast. Shout out to Wetootwaag's Podcast of Bagpipe Power - he's the first listener to send us a picture so his photo is on our web page. I've also put up the picture of the weird smiling gatepost that I saw. I ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #10

After a very drunken and angry night we scrap the recordings and start again the next morning. Rob doesn't realise we're in record at first but then asks if our listeners will send in photos so that we can see how gorgeous you all are. Rob thinks that I'm nasty to all of you as this slowly turns into Gordon's spleencast. Rob explains what Milk Thistle is and reveals that I was a bastard last night. We discuss my orgone accumulator and then get into a very boring, geeky conversation about my ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #9

A Burns night special! We explain why we've been off the air ... and then accidentally erase the second half of the show! Oh well, we're a bit pissed. It's Burns night so Rob does a bagpipe impression. I tell Rob how the Tipsy Chicks have been criticised. I go on to read Burns' poem "Address to a Haggis" which Rob insists I translate into English ... unfortunately this is where we accidentally erased the rest of the show and we start blaming each other. Rob's quite pissed off I think, but h ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #8

We're confused about how many episodes we've recorded and we guesstimate that this is episode 7 ... incorrectly, because it's episode 8. Rob claims that Sandra Bullock is the source of all clap in Hollywood, we perform Steve Reich's Clapping Music ... badly. The world's worst human beatboxes and Rob attempts to impersonate the Tipsy Chicks. I accuse Rob of being racist. Do all women masturbate? My terrible impersonations and Rob's dalek impersonation followed by his Hannibal Lecter as a dal ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #7

Are we projecting? This is the second half of show 6, I'm posting it early because I thought you might be wondering what happend at the end of the previous one. I praise the DragonsTrilogy. What words must Rob never say on air? Musical chairs, farters, being hit in the balls and my French teacher who masturbated in class. That leads to an argument about conjugating the French verb venir, which leads to the story of my French teacher who used to masturbate in front of the class.Rob is hairy ...

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The Joan and Jeff Show #6

We return to our normal format, me and Rob, pissed baring our souls to the microphone. It's sad but it is funny. We discuss dreams and our dicks, I piss on air, we visit Anthony Gormley's Another Place, I'm off to Tunisia all of a sudden, Rob's pathetic question list, what words should never be said on podcasts, and more

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The Joan and Jeff Show #4

Two guys get drunk in Liverpool (rob didn't pay his phone bill so he got his broadband cut off) and it's sad, but it's so funny! The Tipsy Chicks guest on our show. This is part one, part two comes soon ....

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The Joan and Jeff Show #2

Two mates get drunk in Southport and bare their inebriated souls to the microphone. It's sad but it's so funny! We finally found episode 2 so here it is.

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The Joan and Jeff Show #3

Two mates get drunk and talk rubbish in Southport. It's sad but it's so funny. This is episode 3 because we've lost episode 2 (we'll find it when we sober up).

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The Joan and Jeff Show #1

Two drunk mates sit down each week and bare their inebriated souls to the mic. It's sad but it's so funny!

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The Joan and Jeff Show #5

Two mates in Southport get drunk and bare their inebriated souls to the microphone, it's sad but it's so funny. This week we continue getting drunk with the Tipsy Chicks who re-christen us "Attention-whore" and "Rob-the-Nob". We discuss pubic hair and American men amongst other things. Don't forget to email us: joanandjeff@mac.com

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The Joan and Jeff Show #1

Two drunk mates sit down each week and bare their inebriated souls to the mic. It's sad but it's so funny!

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