 This is my audio archive of 100 word stories from "100 Words Or Les Nessman" so you can hear me misread them instead of suffer through the various spelling errors I incorporate into the feed. Be sure to watch out for The Adventures of Mustard Man and ThePrimary Format :
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Corn DogsThere's nothing quite like a fresh hand-dipped corn dog at the county fair.
These aren't the pre-processed ones you get at the state fair or the grocery store.
You can watch as they pull a hot dog out of the kettle, spear it with a stick, dip it in the batter, and dangle it in the hot oil.
Look behind the curtain, and you'll see the batter-maid milking a batter-cow into pails, hot dogs picked straight from a hot dog tree, and the oil pumped straight from the Great Vegetable Oil River.
A ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #175 - A Full SetWelcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seventy-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was... was.... um...
It's A Full Set.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING
Which were the best stories of the week?Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com/J RadimusDanny from http://dannymachal.comErin from http://www.connected2christ.comNorval Joe from http://www.norvalsoutlook. ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #176 - On the lineThe 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic.
Sounds simple, doesn't it?
Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week, the winner was Lynda.
And the topic is On the line.
You have until midnight on Friday September 4 to get the following in my hot little hands:
The text of your story so I can post it on the site.
If you have a blog, podcast, or other site that people can go to s ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website UnicornsI hate unicorns.
I especially hate the ones that leave a trail of sparkles everywhere they go.
Sparkles turn to soggy ash after a while.
You see the sparkly herd of unicorns prancing and running, but I have to deal with the disgusting grey piles they leave behind.
Speaking of piles, did you know that unicorns do not shit rainbows?
If you don't know what they shit, then you don't want to know.
Just sit there in your fantasy bubble with unicorns and rainbows and sparkles.
One day, you' ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website And back againThe princess needed to smuggle gold from one castle to the other without thieves knowing.
Ruplestiltskin was long banished into nothingness, but his spinning-wheel remained.
So, she spun the wheel backwards, turning gold into straw.
She sent out the straw with farmers, and then the princess with her spinning wheel afterwards.
Brilliant, she thought.
The next day, the carts were loaded up with the straw and sent out.
Soon after, the princess began her journey.
Midway there, she found ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The GamblersVinnie and Joey liked to gamble.
They were always betting each other about this or that.
Especially about their hits.
They were hitmen, you see.
Joey liked to play How Much Money Is In Their Wallet?
Sure, they always split the take, just like they split the contracts.
One day, they took a contract, but the hit didn't happen.
By the time they realized he'd skipped town, Joey and Vinnie were picked up.
Right before they were tossed off the roof of the building, Vinnie said "I bet you ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Tevye and His VertebraeTevye lay in the mud, staring at the sky, silently cursing the people of Anatevka.
He had tried to explain how living was hard, with so many challenges and problems to balance.
Nobody understood.
So, he said “it’s like a fiddler on the roof.”
They still didn’t understand.
So, he got out his violin, climbed on the roof, and tried to play it to show them how shaky he was.
“Tradition keeps us balanced!” he shouted.
And fell.
He couldn’t move. His neck was broken.
His wif ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website PolandIt's rare to find a travel agency these days. Websites have all but eliminated the industry.
Maybe it's just an old habit, but I still go to the travel agent downtown.
I think it's the desks, the window displays, and posters that draw me.
One in particular. It's a beautiful valley scene, and below is written: "The Nazis were cruel fuckers and Poland is beautiful."
Every other travel poster has a beautiful scene and the country or city name, but my eyes keep getting drawn back to the Pol ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Good DishesWe keep the good dishes in a cupboard and only take them out for special occasions.
On the other hand, we keep the evil dishes in an iron-bound wooden chest in the basement.
They rattle and clatter angrily in their prison, demanding to be set free.
Not a chance. The last time we let them out, they gave the mayor and his wife food poisoning.
We've tried to destroy them, but every time we break a plate or a dish, the pieces reassemble themselves the next morning.
It's best to keep them l ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Field ManualTo be caught behind enemy lines is a dangerous thing, but as long as you have a flute, you'll be fine.
The Army Field Manual has all sorts of unusual regulations like this one:
Leaving guns out for the Bullet Fairy to reload.
Smearing mud over your eyes to make you invisible to your enemies.
Licking a jeep's steering wheel to make it start.
I'm on my third highlighter already.
Maybe it's some kind of sick joke? Someone's pulling a prank on me?
Then I look at the publishing credits: Pub ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The folder is emptyThis folder is empty.
I don’t know if it had anything in it. I just know it’s empty now.
I have no log entries about this folder.
My log is empty, except for one entry: log file cleared.
The name of the folder is Important Files.
There are no files in the folder, important or not.
Maybe they were so important, someone took them away from me.
Why did they leave the folder? Did they want to see what I would do with it?
I should delete it. And then clear the log fi-
What was I tal ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #173 - Over/UnderWelcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seventy-Three, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was... was.... um...
It's Over/Under.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING
Which were the best stories this week?CaledoniaDannyGuy DavidJustinErinDedricTJLyndaNorval JoePlanet Z Free polls from Pollhost.com
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multi ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website A Calendar Of NoblesIt is the first of the month, and the Archduke of Junius is refusing to abdicate to his brother, Baron Quintilis .
Armies are dispatched, and in Quintillis’ defeat, a distant cousin steals the crown for himself.
Lord Julius laughs from his throne for thirty days, but when he wearies of power, hands the crown off to his uncle Augustus, not the rightful heir in the County of Sextilis.
The war rages on, and the nobility worries for the loss of life and riches.
An agreement is reached, an ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The folder is emptyThis folder is empty.
I don’t know if it had anything in it. I just know it’s empty now.
I have no log entries about this folder.
My log is empty, except for one entry: log file cleared.
The name of the folder is Important Files.
There are no files in the folder, important or not.
Maybe they were so important, someone took them away from me.
Why did they leave the folder? Did they want to see what I would do with it?
I should delete it. And then clear the log fi-
What was I tal ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #174 - Over the falls in a barrelThe 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic and then you write and record a story based on that topic.
Sounds simple, doesn't it?
Topics are selected by the winner of the previous weekly challenge. This week, the winner was Rocky.
And the topic is Over the falls in a barrel.
You have until midnight on Friday August 21 to get the following in my hot little hands:
The text of your story so I can post it on the site.
If you have a blog, podcast, or other site that peopl ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Boiling PointDoctor Odd only received one F in his life.
His chemistry teacher asked “What's the boiling point of mercury?”
So, he built an orbiting doomsday laser and performed experiments on the planet Mercury.
The next day, he presented his results.
"I meant the element, not planet," she said.
She gave him an F. The class laughed.
Odd vowed revenge and transferred to a different high school.
He didn't wait long to determine the boiling point of the old teacher, her class, and that entire d ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Father and SonDan taught his son how to ride a bike, how to shave, how to tie a tie, and all the little things that fathers teach sons.
Many years later, after the stroke, Dan's son taught him to speak, how to shave, and how to tie a tie again.
But instead of teaching him how to ride a bike, he went ahead and tried to teach his dad how to drive again.
Big mistake.
As Dan was loaded into the ambulance, he watched another father teach his young boy how to tie a tourniquet.
They grow up so fast. He smi ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Crime In E MinorThe detective looks at the body and says “Round up every violinist.”
He is holding a smashed instrument, and his conclusions would be sound if he were correct about one thing: that is a viola, not a violin.
They dust it for fingerprints… none at all.
I wore gloves, you see.
Yes, it was me, dear reader. I am the murderer.
And that is my viola.
The violinists come in, one after the other, but each has an alibi.
It is a year later, he is no closer to solving the case.
Good.
Beca ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Candy PrinceThe Candy Price sits on his chocolate bunny, watching the troops walk past.
His lemondrop eyes glisten in admiration of his army.
"March, my men!" he cheers, and the army raises a shout.
A gumdrop button falls from his Marzipan coat. He has been outside for too long today.
He returns to his palace, inspecting his frosting hair in the mirror.
"I am coming apart!" he cries to his butler. "Help me!"
He tries to change suits, but feels something snap.
The chef-surgeon arrives, but shakes ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website ImperfectionTry as you might, perfection never lasts.
The moment you come close to perfection, the imperfections stand out in contrast so clearly.
That makes it easier to find and remove them, and makes the remaining imperfections stand out even more clearly.
The knife is steady, but the flesh resists. One final flaw, and this girl will be the pinnacle of existence.
I put the knife down. I will not cut.
No, there will be no scar. I don't need lasers like others do, but my work is always perfect.
... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
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