 This is my audio archive of 100 word stories from "100 Words Or Les Nessman" so you can hear me misread them instead of suffer through the various spelling errors I incorporate into the feed. Be sure to watch out for The Adventures of Mustard Man and ThePrimary Format :
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Into The Woods Mom and Dad didn’t want no silly child. Oh no that just wasn’t an option. So they signed little Timmy up for Baby Outward Bound. B.O.B. takes an airplane full of six year olds fly over Northern North Dakota drops them from 1500 feet with a full army field pack. Six weeks later while Mom...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The VaultI haven’t seen Mother in years, but one day I’ll remember the combination to the lock on the vault I put her in. I thought about calling a locksmith, but that would just put him in danger of mother. And me as well, I suppose, since it has been a while since I last drank....»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website TimeshiftedWhen the time machine exploded, the research team told you I was dead, my atoms scattered throughout history. I was badly hurt, sure, but there’s great medical care in the future. All kinds of advanced Star Trek stuff here. You can hardly see the scars from where they regrew my arm, and this new eye...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Charity Begins Somewhere ElseEvery year, we set up a tent in the middle of the city. The smell of freshly-roasted turkey, baked stuffing, and delicious sweet potatoes fills the air. This brings out the homeless, lonely, and poor in droves. We invite them in and they sit down. We make them wait for a while. When they’re good...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Look In The MirrorI pour the white dust out on to the mirror and quickly chop it into lines. One by one, they vanish up my nose. I let the rush carry me for a minute and then sniff whatever I can off of the mirror before putting it away. That’s when I catch sight of my reflection...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Uncle ArtieUncle Artie was a man of the carnival. He traveled the country from coast to coast so many times, and there wasn’t a sucker’s dollar he couldn’t take. When he died, his body was cremated and the ashes put into one of three urns. His lawyer shuffled the urns around, and made us choose. Aunt...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Missing StoryI read a bedtime story to Lisa every night. It’s always a new story. She never wants to hear the same story twice. She cries when I box up the story books to take to the used bookstore. She wants to keep them all. Her bookshelf filled up quickly. And three more I bought her....»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #239 “Day Job”Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic. The topic this week was Day Job! Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed): Tony...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The topic of the next Weekly Challenge will be “Holiday”Hello. This is Laurence Simon of the 100 word stories podcast. The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic to http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com and then you write and record a story based on that topic. Let’s go ahead and set the next topic to Holiday. Send the following to isfullofcrap (at) gmail.com with...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The CouncilThe Emergency Council of Hedgehogs was convened under the giant oak tree in the deepest part of the woods. Panic ran rampant as teddy bears were stumbling around drunkenly after their picnic, grabbing hedgehogs and tossing them around. It was decided that an emissary would approach the mommies and daddies of the teddy bears, pleading...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Angry BirdsI use my iPhone to play Words With Friends, but all my friends have given up on this Scrabble variant for a game called Angry Birds. Apparently, these birds are angry because a bunch of evil pigs have stolen their eggs, so they attack various structures built by the pigs trying to kill them and...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website CHANGES ARE COMING TO THE PODCAST...This post is meant to be a heads up for y'all...
I will be changing a few things around at isfullofcrap.com in the coming week or so.
You might not be able to reach things during this time, or you may end up having to reach them through some other path.
I'm pondering a move from MT to WP, which will require a bunch of archive migration crap.
Oh well. Whatever, right?
Please keep an eye on @100wordstories on Twitter for a link to the new site when it's ready. Hopefully, we won't miss a ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Where did the turkeys go?Where did the turkeys go?
That's the question everybody's asking.
All of the grocery stores are out of turkeys.
There isn't a turkey to be seen at any farm.
And if you bought a turkey already and put it in your freezer, you're probably wondering why there's a huge empty space in there now.
Even pictures of turkeys have vanished from everywhere. There's no entry for it in the dictionary.
Oh well. I didn't like turkey anyway.
Pass the mashed potatoes and gravy, please. That roasted eag ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Where did the turkeys go?Where did the turkeys go? That’s the question everybody’s asking. All of the grocery stores are out of turkeys. There isn’t a turkey to be seen at any farm. And if you bought a turkey already and put it in your freezer, you’re probably wondering why there’s a huge empty space in there now. Even...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Games People Play"O the games we play" reminisced Joey readjusting his titanium visor. As kids Frankie and Joey had invented the game GUNS. It came out of that totally symmetric kid logic that in kid game theory weather Cowboys and Indians or Cops and Robbers no one wanted to be the stereotypic bad guy. So the game was everyone shot at everyone.
"I got you"
"You missssssed"
They quickly run through rubberband guns, bb guns, paintball guns. Finally live ammo. Thank god for Kevlar thought Joey drawing a be ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Games People Play"O the games we play" reminisced Joey readjusting his titanium visor. As kids Frankie and Joey had invented the game GUNS. It came out of that totally symmetric kid logic that in kid game theory weather Cowboys and Indians or Cops and Robbers no one wanted to be the stereotypic bad guy. So the game was everyone shot at everyone.
"I got you"
"You missssssed"
They quickly run through rubberband guns, bb guns, paintball guns. Finally live ammo. Thank god for Kevlar thought Joey drawing a be ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Games People Play
Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Poetry In MotionAfter watching girls roll around the track and beat the crap out of each other in what was billed as "Poetry In Motion", we walked out of the roller derby and put together our own sport:
Rollerpoetry.
Instead of helmets and pads, we handed out berets and copies of Allen Ginsberg's book "Howl."
Poets would circle the track, sharing the verse in ways that teachers and Kindles couldn't.
Opening night, the crowds gathered around the track and booed the circling poets.
One bumped into anoth ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Poetry In MotionAfter watching girls roll around the track and beat the crap out of each other in what was billed as “Poetry In Motion”, we walked out of the roller derby and put together our own sport: Rollerpoetry. Instead of helmets and pads, we handed out berets and copies of Allen Ginsberg’s book “Howl.” Poets would...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Poetry In MotionAfter watching girls roll around the track and beat the crap out of each other in what was billed as "Poetry In Motion", we walked out of the roller derby and put together our own sport:
Rollerpoetry.
Instead of helmets and pads, we handed out berets and copies of Allen Ginsberg's book "Howl."
Poets would circle the track, sharing the verse in ways that teachers and Kindles couldn't.
Opening night, the crowds gathered around the track and booed the circling poets.
One bumped into anoth ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The BalloonThere was once a balloon in Balloon Land who was unlike the others
He was filled with mustard.
They all floated around and laughed at him.
So he rolled away, far away, until he reached the Kingdom of Hot Dogs.
Frightened, the balloon began to cry, and mustard dribbled on to a hot dog.
It made a pretty yellow squiggle.
Another hot dog saw this. "Put one on me!" it said.
All the hot dogs wanted squiggles, and eventually the balloon ran out of mustard.
"What good am I now?" it cried.
... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The BalloonThere was once a balloon in Balloon Land who was unlike the others
He was filled with mustard.
They all floated around and laughed at him.
So he rolled away, far away, until he reached the Kingdom of Hot Dogs.
Frightened, the balloon began to cry, and mustard dribbled on to a hot dog.
It made a pretty yellow squiggle.
Another hot dog saw this. "Put one on me!" it said.
All the hot dogs wanted squiggles, and eventually the balloon ran out of mustard.
"What good am I now?" it cried.
... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Balloon
Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website I Am CancerI am cancer.
I will take your hair and drink your strength.
I will use your body as a battlefield, fighting you to the death.
I will hide behind you as doctors try to kill me, and you will suffer along with me.
I may take your skin as a trophy, rob you of your eyesight, and maybe take an arm or a leg if I feel like it.
I can take everything you have and everything you are.
Except one thing: those who love you.
I can never take them from you.
But I can take you from them.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website I Am CancerI am cancer.
I will take your hair and drink your strength.
I will use your body as a battlefield, fighting you to the death.
I will hide behind you as doctors try to kill me, and you will suffer along with me.
I may take your skin as a trophy, rob you of your eyesight, and maybe take an arm or a leg if I feel like it.
I can take everything you have and everything you are.
Except one thing: those who love you.
I can never take them from you.
But I can take you from them.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website I Am CancerI am cancer. I will take your hair and drink your strength. I will use your body as a battlefield, fighting you to the death. I will hide behind you as doctors try to kill me, and you will suffer along with me. I may take your skin as a trophy, rob you of your...»Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Welch's Brigade22nd of January 1879 Rorke's Drift South African John Chard of her majesties 24th regiment foot in command. Word has reached us of the Isandhlwana massacre. 2000 souls lost. Retreat unlikely will make last stand at the mission ....
Chard lay down his pen looked to the west. "Damn, Rain," Colour Sergeant Bourne stated "That wasn't thunder, that was 1000 infantry helmets being struck. The Zulu are sending a message. The storm is upon you." Chard rebuttoned this tunic "I will met that storm w ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Welch's Brigade22nd of January 1879 Rorke's Drift South African John Chard of her majesties 24th regiment foot in command. Word has reached us of the Isandhlwana massacre. 2000 souls lost. Retreat unlikely will make last stand at the mission ....
Chard lay down his pen looked to the west. "Damn, Rain," Colour Sergeant Bourne stated "That wasn't thunder, that was 1000 infantry helmets being struck. The Zulu are sending a message. The storm is upon you." Chard rebuttoned this tunic "I will met that storm w ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The topic of Weekly Challenge #239 will be "Day Job"Hello. This is Laurence Simon of the 100 word stories podcast.
The 100 word stories weekly challenge is where I post a topic to podcasting.isfullofcrap.com and then you write and record a story based on that topic.
Let's go ahead and set the next topic to Day Job.
Send the following to isfullofcrap (at) gmail.com with the subject line of WEEKLY CHALLENGE 239 by midnight on Saturday:
* The text of your story.
* Your site's URL.
* What you would like the topic of Weekly Challe ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #238 - Potato PeelsWelcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was... was.... um...
It's Potato Peels!
VOTING
Which were the best stories this week?StevenTomZackmannKatwoodDannyTJNorval JoePlanet Z Free polls from Pollhost.com
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
Steven
"We will find a ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #238 – Potato Peels
Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #238 - Potato PeelsWelcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was... was.... um...
It's Potato Peels!
VOTING
Which were the best stories this week?StevenTomZackmannKatwoodDannyTJNorval JoePlanet Z Free polls from Pollhost.com
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
Steven
"We will find a ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Raise the flagAs a joke, the doctors trained one of the monkeys they had nursed back to health to raise the flag over their observation post at dawn and lower it at dusk.
That monkey taught the other monkeys to perform this trick, and pretty soon there were flags all over the research center, raised and lowered by monkeys.
When one of the scientists tried to lower the flag by himself, the monkey bit him.
That scientist is known as Patient Zero in the records.
Not that there's anybody left to read the ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Raise the flagAs a joke, the doctors trained one of the monkeys they had nursed back to health to raise the flag over their observation post at dawn and lower it at dusk.
That monkey taught the other monkeys to perform this trick, and pretty soon there were flags all over the research center, raised and lowered by monkeys.
When one of the scientists tried to lower the flag by himself, the monkey bit him.
That scientist is known as Patient Zero in the records.
Not that there's anybody left to read the ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website MedicalIt used to be that being a werewolf was a death sentence.
But thanks to modern medicine and sturdy cages, a werewolf can expect to live out as close-to-normal life as expected.
Insurance companies can no longer jack up premiums or dump these afflicted patients as "suffering from a pre-existing condition" or as an "act of God." Thank you, President Obama!
And employers cannot discriminate against them as long as they don't pose a danger to their coworkers. Clever and careful scheduling re ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The PredatorThe predator lay in a growing pool of his own blood, flowing over the photos and newspaper clippings he'd taken to remember his crimes.
I'd shot him in the hands, the feet, the legs, the arms.
He begged for mercy as I reloaded my gun.
I ignored his pleas and the growing sound of sirens.
He then found some courage. "Who are you to judge me?" he growled, "You have blood on your hands too."
And, so I did.
"But it's your blood," I said. "Hardly innocent."
And then I shot him in the chest ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website How Cats Defeated HitlerIn an underground cafe in Berlin, sitting at a table with a bottle of something dark and crisp, an old man hobbles up to me and hands me a fluffy grey cat.
"Cats defeated Hitler," he said, smiling.
And he walked back into the shadows.
I looked at the cat.
The cat looked at me.
And purred.
I wanted to get up and follow the old man and ask him what he meant, but the cat was so soft and furry, and the purring was so nice.
So, I just sat, drank my beer, and surrendered to the grey cat.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The BullyThe Bully watches the playground, grinning.
Kids are swinging on the swings, sliding down the slide, and they're all having fun.
Nobody is fighting or crying.
He can't remember the last time there was any trouble in this playground.
The other bullies are gone.
Back then, he had heard kids crying, and instead of bullying them, he bullied the bullies.
And won.
A girl runs up to him and puts a flower in his lap.
"Thank you," she says.
The bully reaches for the flower with his good han ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Gertie and EustusMy rich Great Aunt Gertie lays in bed, eyes closed, arm around her beloved cat, Eustus.
He's not the original Eustus.
Gertie tried cloning. Cloning is hit-or-miss with personalities, though.
Luckily, the last came out nice and docile.
Now, she's trying out the latest in hologram fields.
Before, they just rendered dusty, translucent ghosts.
These days, they're quite lifelike with tactile presence.
Eustus wakes up, stretches, and curls back up, purring contentedly.
Gertie flickers for ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #237 - PenguinsWelcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was... was.... um...
It's Penguins!
VOTING
Which were the best stories this week?TomAM EarleyStevenKatwoodZackmannDannyTedMrs. AbeTJNorval JoePlanet Z Free polls from Pollhost.com
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
Tom
His ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website UnfairIt's interesting to see people adjusting to ever-advancing technology.
From chalk and slate to Microsoft MindLink, teachers preparing kids for yesterday's challenges, kids distracted by the newest gadgets.
Susie has a dataport on her arm, and she covers it with a long sleeve.
MindLink still has brainwipe issues, her parents say. A class in Chicago got zombied last week.
She pouts, runs to her room, crying.
Plugging in, she updates her journal, tagging it with all the unfairness, all th ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website BedI lift the covers and slide back into bed.
It still smells of you. I imagine that it's still warm with you.
I turn off the light, letting my eyes adjust to the dark.
The room hasn't changed much. A few familiar things gone, a few new things on the dresser and nightstand.
People change. Even you.
That's when I hear your key in the lock downstairs.
I get out of bed, pull on my clothes, and crawl back out the window.
As I watch you sleep, I wonder if you can feel my warmth, smell my ski ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website A Unfortunate TruthThe grayback move carefully to the edge of ridge. The valley was shrouded in mist that curl about the cliff and the true height of the plateau was hidden . The grayback feel the ground slide, tiny stones rolled forward. He reach out but grabbed only wisps of mist. Down into the valley he tumbled
3.5 million years later a team of Stanford students discover the fossils remains of the oldest know ancestor of modern man. The team carefully loads the plane with the fossils unfortunately a mist ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Creepy SilenceWhen you live in a world of light, the darkness is what you fear.
And when you live in a world of darkness, you grow to fear the light.
Creeping into the cave, the human bumps his head on a stalactite. "Damn it!"
Waiting for him is a dark elf, watching quietly.
The human hands over a sleeping baby, and the elf hands back a satchel full of gems.
"Princess Garamond wants to talk about alimony and visitation," says the human.
The dark elf nods. "Less often and for longer, I hope."
They ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Potion of SleepYou've got troubles, I've got troubles, we've all got troubles.
Tell me your troubles, and I'll make you a potion for them.
Got a cut? Got a scrape?
Pour this on it.
Losing your hair?
Rub a little of this one on your head. (And be sure to wear gloves. Trust me on this.)
Love? Pain? Joy?
This one's special: sleep and death.
Just depends how much you take.
Careful, kid.
I got 'em all in these bottles, every color, every flavor.
Sip this, rub that, some drops in your eyes.
Give me ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Handy ManI didn't think it was humanly possible to step into a Slim Jim. Its pretty much a glorified strip of metal. But Nelman Freder was not your average soul. He had spent so much time in the ER they had reserved a seat with his name on it. They still tell the tale on the floor about the Gerbil and flashlight extraction. Doctor Dan wasn't surprise to see Nelman hobble on to the floor with a Slim Jim wobbling to and fro embedded in the middle of his foot, a screwdriver in his thigh and door handle ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website The Hate Of CakeI take the cake out to the grocery store parking lot, remove the lid, and start punching it.
Frosting splatters all over the ground and my clothes as my fists pummel the cake into a mushy pulp.
Then, I lick my fists and go back into the grocery store.
"I'd like another cake," I say.
"You've bought four today," says the manager. "And you're covered with cake. What are you doing with them?"
"Punching them," I say. "It's cathartic."
The manager looks around, sees his employees goofing of ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website WaitingBruwyn didn't come home last night.
Usually, he's the first to come home, but Myst came home first.
Finding a black cat at night is impossible, of course, but you can't just sit down and wait.
Walking around, I hear what I think is his collar, but it's just crickets and frogs.
So, I come back home, Myst and Nardo wait up with me.
If he can't come home for whatever reason, I hope he knows he's loved and missed.
And if he doesn't want to come home, well, cats are cats, and I hope he's h ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Weekly Challenge #236 - HalloweenWelcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Thirty-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was... was.... um...
It's Halloween!
Remember to psot Rossotron as a separate story
ANONYMOUS
Always the same, black and orange. Always that nasty color combination
for Halloween. I presume it is a mixture of the traditional vampire
colors of black and red and the fall color of orange pumpkins. The ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | |