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Comedy

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London
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United Kingdom
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EU
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Newspox 15 July.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * The Jolie-Pitt twins have arrived and they are hot top models already. They won't get out of the womb for less than £10million * Man pets sheep * Ronnie Wood goes on a mental bender witha russian tatu style teenage lovely, which is a bit embarassing for everyone really. I am embarassed to be writing this. * What is the difference between a magpie and a dalek? Lots really, but children don't know. What do they have in common? A love of shiny stuff.

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Newspox 7 July.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * It is 7/7, like when those bombs went off. People will do some creepy silent dancing to commemorate how the weather was much better then. * Lily Allen has bought a bucket AND a mop. They match, which is classy. * Cardiff Airport to be renamed Gavin & Stacey Airport or the Duffy Is Tom Jones's Love Child Airport. * Madonna not getting divorced * Alan Sugar not in plane crash

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Newspox 1 July.mp3

Hello. Here is the news at the start of July. * Oooh it's hot, but the nights are drawing in. * Madeline McCann: no news * Bees on the loose * Ken Livingstone likes chutney on his ham sandwiches * Charlotte Church is going to be burnt at the stake for saying she wants a lot of children. What a bitch.

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Newspox 10 June.mp3

We're back! We've been awfully busy, but not too busy to keep up with the important global and politcal news. So here is a round up of what has been going on over the past 3 weeks: * Zena might have ever brought chips off of super model Agynes Deyn, but probably hasn't * Some Dolphins got lost and died. * Prince Charles died * the Camden Fringe website went live * Boris is yet to completely fuck up being Mayor * Lily Allen done her hair pink. Phew!

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NewsPox 14 May.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * What ever happened to little Shannon and her pikey family? * Gordon Brown is the new Sir Alan. Hooray! * The Housing Minister, Bungle from Rainbow, puts her notes in a poly pocket instead of a ringbinder and now she is in trouble. * Kelly Brook and Billy whatsit from that film where he was mad and on a boat - Zane, that's it, split up and now they are back together. * You can make your own hat like the one worn by SJP at the SATC premiere with just a hat, a p ...

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Newspox 7 May.mp3

Here is the weekly news: * Someone left Boris in charge and now he is banning picaninnies from the buses. * Cliff was robbed by Franco in jealous lovers' tiff * Northern people are all common. Don't hit me, it's true because Brian McFadden says so. * Kylie is an M&S slut on tour, apparently. * The cellar fella likes to play with prozzies poo, which is relatively normal compared to looking up your own daughter and raping her for 24 years.

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Newspox 30 April.mp3

Hello. Here is the weekly news round up of the week: * Humph dies. * John Peel died ages ago * Madeleine McCann still missing - one year on * Tiny Austrian cellar where a man raped his own daughter for 24 years being sold by Foxtons for a cool half a mil. * Beans sexed up to be more relivent to the under 30's * Vote Ken.

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Newspox 15 April.mp3

Hello chaps! Here is the news: * Gordon Brown is about to be ousted by a mystery fox * We are beginning to think Labour just ain't no good, as they've sold all the primary schools to make luxuxry flats and now kids ahve to be taught maths in their local MacDonalds. We're all being Hamburgled. * Is Joss Stone annoying? Yes. * Is James Blunt cool? No. * Have we met Les Dennis? Yes.

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newspox 14 April.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * A remote part of Paddington station has been discovered in a remote part of Paddington station. * Some girls went travelling and were involved in an accident and died. I'm not saying it isn't sad, but it is just an accident, and could have just as easily as happened in Swansea as in wherever it was they were. Columbia? * Babies have been born. * Marathons have been run. * Life goes on.

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newspox 9 April.mp3

Hello. This is a news: * Mohammad Al Fayed gets in a huff and just gives up, for the sake of the kiddies * George Clooney looks better in magazines, though still handsome in real life * The village of Lunt changes its name, as people keep defacing the roadsigns and calling it Cunt. Ha ha ha. It is changing it's name to Pastard-upon-Tils * Geri Halliwell's daughter Bluebell Madonna Halliwell throws a hissy fit in an airport, showing early diva tendencies. She's already been signed up by Max ...

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newspox 8 April.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Pete Doherty finally banged up in the big house for being a naughty little tinker * Princess Diana died in a accident * Tom Cruise is a freaky scientologist and that is the sort of quality we are all looking for in a god father figure. * Monkeys like tonka toys * That credit crunch is happening, it's all because of 15 years ago. yeah Britpop.

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newspox 1 April.mp3

Hello Jokers, it is April Fools Day and here is the really true news: * Poor people more likely to be in road accidents for some reason * Turtle become a heavy smoker and gets nicotine withdrawal * Happy Birthday, the Red Arrows * George Clooney to adopt Britney, or perhaps get another pig and just call it Britney.

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newspox 31 March.mp3

Hello. We're back after an unexplained Easter break. And this is the news: * That airport turned out to be rubbish then * Skint Queen cancels knees up * Lamb born that looks a little bit like a panda * Jamie Hince dresses like a tramp or something.

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Newspox 17 March.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Twiddly diddly dee it's St Patricks day. Or is it? * Bear convicted of theft of honey from bee hive. * Scouts are a bit cheeky these days, and quite old as well. * Shannon has been found alive and well is playing with a kitten. Lucky bitch. * Save water. * Basil Brush is a rascist and a murderer.

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newspox 12 March.mp3

Here is the news * Top cop flops off hilltop * A tiny monkey has been stolen in Argentina, apparently by the hand of God. * Britney has been given a weekly allowance of "just" £750. How much do they pay Metro journalists these days? * Man lives in shed, like a modern day hermit with a playstation.

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newspox 11 March.mp3

Hello newshounds, here is the news: * Courtney Love tells Britney to get a therapist and a new hairdresser. Sound advice. * Man sues M&S over minor grape based incident that didn't even take plan within the confines of M&S * Fire extinguishers condemned as fire hazard * Snake bites man * Rats saw God.

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newspox 10 March.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Vote for Ken, we reckon * Man rapes Henry the Hoover. * Make sure your intestines don't come out in the swimming pool. * Amy Winehouse to blame for third world hunger. * Sport was almost interesting this weekend, but not quite interesting enough to merit 14 hours of coverage in one day on BBC one.

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newspox 5 March.mp3

Hello. This is the news for today which is the 3th of March: * it is Wednesday! * Ian Paisley calls it quits - he's 81 snd a doctor, that shouldn't be allowed. * That childresn home in Jersey turns out to Bergerac set, just painted on cardboard. * Amy Winehouse is hard * Anna Friel is fit * So it Natalie Imbrulia * Hen gets chemotherapy costing £3000 on it's one good leg. * Man only has one good leg after he gets a lego off in freak tobogganing accident. He didn't even notice!

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newspox 3 March.mp3

Hello. This is the news. * Sorry. Zena has a touch of windy pops today. Both ends. * Shane from Westlife's Dad new Russian President * Frogs cure diabeties. That's why the French never get diabeties * The secret Diary of Hasnat Khan aged 53 or so, not sure, difficult to tell.

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newspox 25 February.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * New branch of Tesco built on Mars which sells Mars Bars, Mars Mallows and boxsets of Veronica Mars and Wham Bars. * Pilot does loop the loop near the airport with 75 passengers on board. He was sacked * Co-Pilot dies on a different flight with 300 passengers on board. He was buried. * The Oscars happened.

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newspox 18 February.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * Royal Family are all vampires * Alistair Darling gets his privates out. Turns out his pubes are black, like his eyebrows. * Britney goes out to a restaurant, rather than ordering a paparazzi-defeating takeaway. * Car made of matchsticks. you can't actually drive it though.

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newspox 13 Feb.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Geri Halliwell wants to become an actor * Ross Kemp wants to become recognised as an actor * Man shot for listening to MP3 player - well he was listening to Michael Buble. * There is a dinosaur that had a trumpet for a face

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newspox 11 February.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * There is a robot doctor who can probe you and cup your balls to diagnose a limited selection of illnesses. * Sienna Miller is slowly turning into Denise Van Outen. * Pig likes roast dinners, especially yorkshire pudding. Finally the toad has turned against the hole. * Camden burned, but it was only the rubbish bit.

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newspox 4 February.mp3

Hello there. This is the news: * Sarcozy gets married and lets that nice lady run France whilst he is on his honeymoon. * Spice Girls cancel tour for murky reasons. * Man falls of roof whilst drunk. Let that be a lesson to you, kids. * I no longer understand the difference between fiction and reality, and neither does Andrew Lloyd Webber or his friend the phantom of the opera.

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newspox 27 January.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * French man loses all the French money and causes the world stock markets to collapse. More importantly, as a consequence of this the French man now only has 4 friends left on facebook. * Chimp writes a book * Can't remember if Amy Winehouse is in rehab at the moment or not. I think she is. * Labour in more trouble with the whole illegal donation thing. Boooooring.

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Newpox 21 January.mp3

Hello. This is the news. * Is today a good day or bad day? Most say that it is a bad day, but we've had quite a productive time of it * Apples, Onions and Beer all up * Rains down * Floods up * Madeline McCann was snatched by Slade * Woman proclaims herself queen of fridges. Similarly Zena declares war on America. None of it really counts though.

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Newspox 15 january.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * Leona Lewis is nominated for 4 Brit Awards, even though she has only done one good song and one other song that no-one can remember * Butler Burrell has written two books about Princess - who knew? * Carrots genetically modified to be full of cheese. * Katie Holmes wedding day was a highlight for her, which is unusual with wedding days.

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Newspox 14 January.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * Congratulations! To Tony Blair, who has a new job. * Congratulations! To Snoop Dogg and David Beckham who have a new business together, designing and manufacturing luxury slippers * Congratulations! To Xtina Aguleria and Nicole Richie who've given birth this weekend. * Congratulations to those people who won Golden Globes but didn't get to have a ceremony.

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Newspox 10 January.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Queen pregnant (again) * Will Smith a scientologist * Amy Winehouse blonde * Donkeys dead. To be honest it's not a big news day.

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newspox 8 January.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * This year we will mostly be eating foam. * Hillary Clinton cried like a girl when it looked like she wouldn't win the election. * We have become strongly anti-Ringo.

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newspox 7 January.mp3

Hello, good afternoon and welcome to 2008. This is the news: * The American Election is hotting up and William Hague thinks we should copy them so we can hot up too. * Paris Hilton has her sights set on an Oscar. Be afraid. * Meercats are vicious. * Divorce is the new black.

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Newspox 18 Dec.mp3

Hello there. This is the news: * There is a new Prince called Prince Severn, apparently, like the river. * There is a new leader of the lib dems called Nick Clegg, like the old man in Last Of The Summer Wine. * Amy Winehouse having to stump up for her husbands legal fees, which is only right as he is so clearly guilty and a wrong-un. * Pamela Anderson will probably want to marry him next.

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NewsPox17 December.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * It's nearly Christmas, so give yourself a little treat. * Man has affair with woman * Another man goes to a lap dancing club * A man goes to his sons school and has a kick around * A baby is influential.

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newspox 10 December.mp3

Hello, Christmas greetings and this is the news: * That canoe man is stupid and greedy and so his wife, who has also stolen Alistair Darlings eyebrows. * There is a new creature called the long-eared jerboa, which is nice. * There is a new fashion for gas masks. Don't do it kids/ * Please do not court publicity by fearing things like gang rape and AIDS that haven't actually happened to you.

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NewsPox 3 December.mp3

Hello. Here is the neeeeeeeeews: * He's free is Mohammed the Teddy Bear * He's free is the cat with a peanut butter jar on his head * He's back is that canoeist who disappeared, like Harold Bishop. * Vlad Putin is still going strong is Russia * Zena is cheating and eating all her chocolates out of her advent calendar.

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NewsPox 26 November.mp3

Hello. Here is them Newses: * Kids have all got AIDS. * Britney Spears wants to adopt some chinese babies, as her life simply isn't complicated enough. * Marc Bannerman turns out to be a wife beater. * Geri Halliwell can't talk.

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Newspox 19 November.mp3

SORRY - FOR REASONS BEYOND OUR IMAGINING, THIS IS A VERY POOR QUALITY RECORDING Here is the news! * We're back! * There has been a cyclone. * A rabbit has adopted some kittens. * An old bus shelter is made of straw. * Teabags are made of plastic. * That sort of thing.

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Newspox 12 November.mp3

hello. This is the news: * It's all gone to pot - bears are in trouble, London is burning and bird flu is back. * On the plus side, I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here is a back and we aren't going to get hit by an asteroid just yet.

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newspox 6 November.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Dogs get their own walk of fame. * Wonky buildings rule * Breast is best, as is a nice lie-in * Scorpians can pounce, especially when they launch themselves from fruit. * Did Barry George kill Jill Dando? We're not convinced.

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newspox 5 November.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * Paula Radcliffe and Katy Holmes do the NY marathon proving mums can run * Boyzone reform. Donate enough to Children in Need and they won't sing. * King Tut is a dessicated babe. * Flies do some stuff.

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newspox 29 October.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * List of genius's comes out. It's a bit silly. * Pop stars beware - there has been a spate of onstage injuries * Bianca to return to Eastenders, Vera to die in Corrie. * Minks and naked men on the loose!

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NewsPox 24 October.mp3

Hello. This is our news: * James Blunt inexplicably attractive to publicity hungry blondes * Russian serial killer is banged to rights * but he'll have a cushy time in prison, as they live in total luxury * An old elephant is very old.

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Newspox 23 October.mp3

Hello. This, and only this, is the news: * Monkeys kill man. * Boy gets cone stuck on his head. * Baldrick kills a man by putting a splinter in his head. * Girls Aloud turn their dainty hands to songwriting. * Boris Johnston is stylish and dating Kate Moss.

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Newspox 22 October.mp3

Hello. this is that news that you were asking for: * Killer bug on the loose, but don't worry about it. * We weren't very good at sport this weekend as we are a nation of Charlie Browns. * Lib Dem lieadership contest to be decided by a nice game of the Krypton Factor * Amy Winehouse has gone blonde and now looks exactly like Myra Hindley * Coke is it!

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NewsPox 16th October.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * We pay tribute to the late Menzies Campbell who was harassed about his age so much he dropped dead * Dinosaur alive and well and developing an allergy to modern life * Diana died in car crash shocker * If you want to do it with a horse give it some chocolate and stand on a chest of drawers.

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NewsPox 15 October.mp3

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NewsPox 8 October.mp3

Hello - here is the news: * Tony Blair is on holiday in Egypt, brokering peace by playing Grand Theft Auto in Sharm El Sheikh * Princess Diana - we solve the mysteries surroundng her mysterious death. * I shot the sheriff, but i did not shoot the deputy. * Alistair Darling looks like an old Harry Potter. * Debt Crisis! * Booze fuelled Britain. * all the classics

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NewsPox 25 September.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Cyclops are taking over the media * Yesterday Farnborough was just like Oz (as in the Wizard of, not the prison based TV drama.) * Kate McCann is the new face of M&S * Religion is bad.

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Newspox 24 September.mp3

Hello. Here is the news, live from the Labour Party Conference. * Blue Tongue disease has mostly been affecting Midge Ure and cows that have been eating cola flavour lollies. * Madelaine McCann spotted in Morocco having a go on a camel. * Britney Spears is the worst mother in the world. * We wave goodbye to Marcel Marceau, who now really is trapped in a box. Justice at last. * Why not play Scrabulous with Ian Huntley, or give him a fish for his virtual Aquarium?

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Newspox 4 September.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * It's a year since Steve Irwin died. We mourn for his loss all over a-bloody-gain * Don't eat Malteasers or Revels - they are full of rubber, and not in a good way. * The Lady Beefeater is already on maternity leave.

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NewsPox 3 September.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * Pig gets filled with sand and killed. * Foxes steal golf balls * Wild cats are cooked for tea in Australia. Probably on the barbie and washed down with a few tinnies. * Fruit prices up! * Chocolate consumption up! * At the same time, fruit and veg consumption Up! It doesn't make any sense.

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NewsPox 31 August -- Dead Di Spec.mp3

Hello. This is our DEAD DI SPESH and it's all about Princess Di and very topical indeed. Oh yes, she's only been dead for 10 years and for some reason we keep going on about Henry VIII.

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Newspox 29 August.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * John Prescott retire from politics but is first in line for a new Spiderman costume that does whatever a spider can. * smoking is bad for you - and your mum agrees. * Amy Winehouse is having a nice holiday in the Caribbean, don't know if she took her own supply of heroin or not. * Princess Diana apparently peaked at the age of nine.

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newspox 20 august.mp3

Here is the slow news: * Baby squirrel rescued from cat and then given an inappropriate name * Stabbings are the new black * Preston and Chantelle - on or off? * Christmas is cancelled because of the bloody Chinese and their poisonous toys. * Speedos are the new Stabbings.

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newspox 16 August.mp3

Hello here is the news: * Congratulations on your A Level results. They are irrelevent to the rest of your life. Now move on. * It was 30 years ago today that Elvis Presley taught himself to die. * It was 20 years ago today that Bruce Willis released the Return of Bruno. Now he has done a comeback album. * Some people have been stabbed. * if you are the pope and want to change your wikipedia entry do it from a hotmail account.

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newspox 14 august.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Don't play with Polly Pocket - you will die. * Don't drink too much alcohol - you will die. * Don't drink too much coffee - you will die. * Don't kill half of the only breeding pair of golden eagles in Scotland - they will die and you will be revealed as a cunt. * Why not try having a lesbian dream like husky Mariella Frostrup.

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Newspox 13 August.mp3

Here is the bloody news: * Madeline McCann is living in limbo and has her own modelling contract and range of clothes. Meanwhile there are children starving in Africa. * Piglet falls off the back of a lorry. * Monkey rides a dog like a horsey in a rodeo. * It's going to rain.

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Newspox 1 August.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Sharks infest the seas * Crabs infest the toilets * Spiders are on our doorsteps * Nature has gone WILD * Ooh and celebrities are thin / fat / stupid / poorly dressed.

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NewsPox 7th August.mp3

Hello. Here is the news from tropical London: * There is a big planet made of farts. * Become a grass to earn a bit of extra pin money * Some Australian owls had some babies in London. * Gwyneth and Brad - are they over each other or will they be all over each other when they make a film together? I suspect the former. it's been 10 years, they've moved on.

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NewsPox 23 July 2007.mp3

Hello to you and you and you. Here is the news: * We have read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, but we will not spoil it for you. * It has been raining now for 40 days and 40 nights. That Umbrella song has been number one for the whole time - it's a vicious circle. * Tortoises in very slow gang-bang. * Britain these days is all FAKE. Even the floods aren't real.

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Newspox 16 July.mp3

Hello. Here is the news. * We are very excited about the new big talent show Ken vs Boris fight it out to see who will play Dick Wittington in Andrew Lloyd Webbers new pantomime. * Sir David Attenborough (the egg laying mammal named after the famous naturist) is alive and well and living in Papua New Guinea. * Bins smell

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NewsPox 9 July 2007.mp3

Hello. Back on form. Here is the news: * The Queen is Pregnant * Prince Harry dresses up in a tea towel and pretends to be a deadly gherkin * Nuclear power bad * Gordon Brown stuck in the toilet and is waiting for Tony Blair to rescue him. If anyone near downing street is reading this - go and let the poor sod out. The lock is stuck, or something.

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NewsPox 4 July.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * We are back, ahving accidentally side-stepped all the Terrorist attacks. * Alan Johnston is back from captivity and into something we call freedom, which mostly seems to involve being haranged by the press. * Harry Potter premiere happened. I think Daniel Radcliffe is gay. * Weather is bad and Wimbledon is going all wrong.

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Newspox 27 June 2008.mp3

Hello Here is the news: * Chantelle and Preston split! it's the end of an era. * Paris Hilton released! It's the end of an era. * Michael Parkinson retires from his chat show. It's the end of an era. * oh and Tony and Gordon do some sort of job swap.

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NewsPox 26 June.mp3

News of the world: * multi-digit cat plays pool and uses cash register. It's mostly hanging around in pubs and making it's own entertainment. * It's been raingn fatally badly. * Hose-pipe ban announced. * Diamond encrusted ark being built by damien hirst * Louis Theroux has lipo to remove that stubborn fat from his fat back. * Giant penguins used to stalk the earth. Mostly waddling.

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NewsPox 25 June.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * We report from muddy Glastonbury. * Judge Hall is a big paedophile. * Harriet Harman is new deputy leader of the labour party, not the the deputy prime minister, because she is a girl. * Eastenders was good last week.

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NewsPox 20th June.mp3

Hello. Here comes the news: * Glastonbury is going to be a mud bath and all the ladies will be wearing tiny clothes from the Kate Moss top shop collections. * Nick Ross looking good for his age. Matthew Kelly, a little bit ropey. * New Egg controversy * Boy breaks T Shirt wearing record by one T-Shirt.

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NewsPox 19 June.mp3

Hello. Here is the NEWSSS: * Bears have big pores and shit in the woods. Try exfoliating love, and that Clinique pore minimiser stuff. * Bra down toilets explodes sewer * Tom Cruise to marry a man. * Julia Roberts has a baby even though she is practically a pensioner. * Pakistanis burn effigy of the Queen, which is no way to get into her good books or her new years honours list.

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NewsPox 18 June.mp3

Hello. Here is that news you've been asking for: * Sir Salman Rushdie to die by the Queen's sword * Woman rips off her ex's testicle in a rage over who actually owns the boxset of Sex And The City series 3. * Old Tortoise is older and wiser than all of us

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NewsPox 13 June.mp3

Hello. Here am the news: * Hazel Blears huffs and puffs and blows her office down. * George Bush in mickey mouse watch racket. * Girls who love boys who like girls who like boys who look like their dads

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Newspox 12 June.mp3

Here is the news: * Gordon Brown has a cunning plan to get that David Cameron * All dads are rubbish and the world would be a better place if women could reproduce asexually. Although it's summer so we do have the horn. * Tracey new favourite to win Big Brother. * Man tries to sell roadkill for lots of money but isn't have any luck yet.

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Newspox 11 June.mp3

Hello. It's a new day, it's a new week, it's a new life! here is the new news: * Cop killer on the loose * Gordon Brown is visiting Iraq so he can make up his own bloody mind. Secretly every woman fancies him. And Richard Madeley. * Sawfish are real and are protected. * paedophiles get special chain letter sent out by police to catch them out. Paedos are especially gullible.

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NewsPox 6 June.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Farewell Prezza, we hardly knew you. * Olympic logo still shit. * Posh has fancy pants, Kate's have gone a bit grey in the wash. * Property prices are a JOKE, just not a very funny one.

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NewsPox 5th June.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Olympic logo is crap. * Dad's are crap. * Big Brother house runs out of toilet paper. * Sex better than chocolate, say half of all women who were asked. They were all asked in a chocolate shop, so perhaps they were just being polite.

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NewsPox 4 June.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * We haven't watched any of Big Brother at all but we give a good 10 minute low-down on who we do and don't rate. * Boris Johnson has been at it again - he fancies Cherie Blair but he don't fancy no cocaine * Tigers are in trouble which is NOT grrrrrrrreat. * Man buys an old broken vase end it turns out to be a cool vase. * Polish man wakes up from 20 year coma to find out that there is an internet and reality TV has been invented plus you no longer have to queue fo ...

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Newspox 30 May 2007.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Dog plays pool * Some people look like other people * Some people kill themselves * some people will go into the Big Brother house tonight. They are girls and one of them is Kevin Keegans cousing and one is in the WI. Now there is no need to watch, stick The Apprentice on instead.

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NewsPox 29 May 2007.MP3

Here is the news: * Woman buys nice dress for £2 in charity shop. * Man leaves his mobile phone behind and misses lots of calls. * Newspapers desperately filling their pages with non-news. * Leopard gets into bed with a man. That's more like it.

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NewsPox 28 May 2007.MP3

Hello. Here is the news: * Noahs ark full of skanky animals who have all been cross-breeding to create deadly new species. * Lindsay Lohan doesn't so much fall off the wagon as crash the wagon into a load of paparazzi. * 2 days to go until the new Big Brother starts. Don't feel bad if you can't remember everyone who has been in the house in the past 8 series - there are over a hundred of them. * Big shoe department opens in New York shop.

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Newspox 23 may 2007.mp3

Hello. THIS IS THE NEWS: * Britain obsessed with Celebrity. No way, like, hello? Who says? * Camden to get it's own walk of fame celebrating musical celebrities. Brilliant! * One of Girls Aloud smoke 25 fags a day * Victoria Beckham has new hairstyle * Paris Hilton reads the bible.

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NewsPox 22 May 2007.mp3

Here is the news: * We're being particularly offensive. * David Cameron calls Tony Blair a pop star and then asks him to autograph his chest. * Big Brother - 8 days to go. * I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord.

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NewsPox 21 May 2007.mp3

Hello. Here is some news: * Cutty Sark made into matches * Joan Rivers has plastic surgery * Bambi is true * Chris Tarrant memorial curry created * Anne Frank's house daubed graffiti saying "Anne Frank woz ere", which luckily didn't happen when the Nazi's were after her.

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NewsPox 16 May 2007.mp3

Hello. Here are the newses: * Lily Allen has perked up a bit. * Gordon Brown is laughing with this whole leadership election thing. Hazel Blears is crying - or at least she should be. * Cancer deaths have halved in the past 30 years - that's good isn't it?

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NewsPox 15 May 2007.mp3

Hello Here is the neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews!: * Kate Moss kills kittens and makes them into shampoo * Chris Martin gets pissed up and moons at queen * Lily Allen starts feud wuth Girls Aloud * Girls Aloud start feud with Gordon Ramsay. * Gordon Ramsay starts feud with a horse. Now hear the word of the lord.

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NewsPox 14 May 2007.MP3

Hello. Here is the news: * Ugly people not allowed out to have sex ever, according to dating website. I say one thing to you: Troggs and Beauts. * Gordon Brown to make 5 new towns out of recycled paper and compost. * Chocolate by Mars is now full of meat. Ban this filth.

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NewsPox 10 May 2007.MP3

TONY BLAIR SPECIAL! We discuss his highlights, his lowlights and his other hairstyles. Also: Prezza - he's resigned as well and did some stuff over the past ten years.

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NewsPox 9 May 2007.MP3

Hello here is the news in the style of a Gran: * That Keith Allen's daughter makes clothes for that shop down the street, next to the bakery. * I don't like all that news, it's depressing * That rich american girl with the big glasses has been driving her whatsit around and she's been banned already. ha ha ha. * OOh, I love that Roy Walker. * Isn't is sad about all those lads who died on the motorway, reminds me of the war?

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NewsPox 8 May 2007.MP3

It's our birthday and we'll cry if we want to. Today is our first podcasting anniversary. What do you think of that then? * Bad crash on M25 * Paris goes to prison * Sarkozy is the boss of France * MySpace and YouTube available to all prisoners in Iran prisons.

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NewsPox 2 May.MP3

Hello NewsPoxerizers. Here is the News: * Gay BP boss lies in court and looses 15million in bonuses, but still gets 21.5 million pension plan so he can spend the money on gay stuff like Jimmy Somerville records, cock rings, sleeveless T-shirts, Barbra Striesand tickets and rent boys. * Boiled eggs are good for you. * Peter Andre - poorly but by no means a goner. * Kiera Knightly - who cares?

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NewsPox 1 May.MP3

Zena is back from Turkey and here is the news: * Terrorists are too young to be effective * Stacey Slater a babe * Kate Moss does massive car boot sale on Oxford Street * Gay men all giving each other AIDS * Peter Kay an ego-maniac

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NewsPox 27 April.MP3

Featuring Special Guest Star HANNAH!! * Man pulls an aeroplane 4 metres using his ears. * Woman of 24 weighs 32 stone, and is too fat for sex, yet still she has more luck with the men-fellas than we do. * Hugh Grant and the British press in temptestuous love / hate relationship. * Boris Yeltsin's corpse to guest host new series of Friday Night Project.

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NewsPox 25 April.MP3

Hello. The news woz ere: * Squeaky voiced footballer dies * Man does brilliant bet on living to a hundred and he won * Britney has lost some weight * Ted Heath was a big gay prime minister.

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NewsPox 23 April.MP3

Hello. It's Monday and here is the solo NewsPox news round-up: * Boris Yeltsin has died. He was Russian and aged 76. He is most famous for being drunk and the President of the Russia, where he pioneered not queueing up for 3 days for one potato, and the concept of sexy soviet models. * The election in France is hot! Hot! HOT! The Frenchies are currently doing some excellent politics and polling at yesterdays, errr, polls saw 80% of the population voting. At NewsPox we are supporting Segle ...

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NewsPox 18 April.MP3

Here is the news: * NEWSPOX BOOK OUT NOW! * Big nob on bowling green * Everyone else is having more sex than us, and they aren't happy about it. * "Right" Said Richard Fairbrass "make me mayor"

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NewsPox 17 April.MP3

Here is the news: * Cheeky Korean goes on mad shooting rampage in American School. * Kate and Wills still split up. She can do better. * David Cameron is a trainspotter. * Edwards Norton is in a whole hulk of trouble.

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NewsPox 16 April.MP3

Hello. Here is the news: * Kate and Prince William in break-up shocker. Did he finish with her or did she ditch him? We need to know, and Woolies are furious as they'd already designed commemorative mugs. * Have your nob trimmed if you don't want to get AIDS * Gordon Brown will take on anyone for the Labour Leadership. Bring it on.

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NewsPox 11 April.MP3

Hello - here is the news in our world: * Anna-Nicole Smith's daughter has a daddy - it's Larry Birkhead, the photographer. Not any of the gays, women or blacks who were trying to get in on the act. * Removal Men drop a grand piano. Coo-ee Mr Fixer. * Women don't fancy men who still live with their mum. * There is a planet with water on it 150 light years away, but don't bother investing in property there until they get planning permission for a Waitrose, Pizza Express or Habitat.

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NewsPox 10 April.MP3

news: * easter eggs make you fat * capital letters are out * paedophiles are on a list * Dave Rowntree for president * sailors are media whores

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NewsPox 2 April.MP3

Hello here is the news: * Kate Moss is U*G*L*Y * War with Iran is imminent. * Coleen is 21 and made everyone eat her face in cake * Serenity better than Star Wars. Fact.

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NewsPox 28 March.MP3

Hello, here is the news: * SUSPENDED: Les Battersby from Coronation Street, Gus from Eastenders and the late Seth from Emmerdale * Lindsay Lohan - is she slagging about again? * Teenagers are up to all sorts of murders and rapes again. The shits. * Mucca trips the light fandango, but Beatles fans still aren't keen. * Channel Five is ten * The Apprentice is on the telly tonight. Good.

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NewsPox 27 March.MP3

Hello hello hello. Here is the news: * Alcohol in pubs to be banned for the under-27's, as they don't deserve it * Instead the young'uns will be forced to drink Disney's hooky champagne PartyFizz at bus stops * Elephant with a huge erection kills mother and daughter humans * Wolves have been cloned and semi-indentical twins have been born. It's all happening birth-wise.

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NewsPox 26 March.MP3

Hello. It's Spring! Here is the news: * CCTV is taking over Britain, we're all in a reality show that is made by Tony Blair. * Woman tells of her tragic, yet sensual, one night stand with Saddam Hussein * Viagra for ladies libidos launched * Trains are over crowded and this is bad * Monochrome is IN * Egg news: Please send us chocolate eggs to test

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NewsPox 21 March.MP3

Hello here is our budget special: * The budget has happen. Gordon Brown has cracked two funnies and whiolst he has given with one hand he has had a wank with the other. * Maxine Carr loves Ian Huntley, but she also hates him. * Woman employs tramp as childminder, which is very similar to the plot of Jack and Sarah, so lets not condemn. * America is learning to hate Mucca

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NewsPox 20 March.MP3

News in your goddamn face: * The Tories are toying with the idea of policies and Gordon Brown is gearing up for his final budget * Naomi Campbell has been working an orange vest and some neo-victoriana-style boots for her community service mopping floors * Shakira has a good tummy * Easter Eggs stolen in daring Easter Egg raid * Film to be made about Thatcher, and then one about the Easter Egg raid.

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NewsPox 19 March.MP3

Here si the news: * Cricketers go on mad drunken rampage, just to prove they aren't boring. * Teddy Sheringham and Danielle Lloyd are having a televised strip poker game tonight - winner takes all, including the rights to having stories published in Closer magazine. * British people can only cook 4 meals - stir fry, roast, spag bol, pasta and sauce (which is basically the same as spag bol.) This week I'm interested in trying home-made pizza with a proper dogh base, perhaps even wholemeal. * ...

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NewsPox 14 March.MP3

Hello. By golly it's a slow news. They've been reporting a story about a stuck hamster on BBC radio news, which rather proves the point. Anyway, this is what we've come up with. * Heather Mills has been on Telly claiming that her divorce has been "mega stressful". She refused to sign a beatles album for a fan in america, and is odds-on favourite to get booted out of the US verson of Strictly Come Dancing first, before the show has even started. * Hairy babies were killed by cavewomen. That' ...

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NewsPox 13 March.MP3

Hello. Here is the news of the world: * Sitting at a desk can kill you. Drink green tea to prevent this happening. * King David Gest is the real king of jungle. Young pretender Matt Willis rigged the phone votes. * Charlotte Church wants a Welsh baby boy with her singing voice and Gavin's tan. * Mucca to finally speak out on American TV. * New money will have the face of Adam West, better know as TV's Batman, on it.

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NewsPox 7 March.MP3

Hello here is todays news and sport: *Billie and Chris are back together *Robbie is out of re-hab *There has been a murder, some incest, a plane crash and an earth quake *fat thin fat thin fat thin fat thin *Richard Madeley is FURIOUS

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NewsPox 6 March actual.MP3

Hello. Here is the news * ITV have cancelled all pointless phone-ins, just for a while. Why not try watching ITV to see what they fill in the time with. * Chinese go to the moon made of cheese, despite a dire dairy allergy * Fat girl says to other fatties, "don't get as fat as me". At the same time a clothing company start a new line of clothing for fat kids. Get your size 30 spiderman pyjamas in a store near you soon. * THIS IS NOT NEWS: Trains cost more than planes.

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NewsPox 6 March.MP3

Here is the news, our first lot of news for March * TB is back, back BACK! and it's all the rage. * Liz Hurley wed's in the same old dress Versace dress she usually wears, but bleached white. * Take That are number one. * Polish weight-lifter moves to UK to sort out our rubbish.

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NewsPox 28 February.MP3

Hello. Here is the news: * Trogs vs Beauts. The mutant underclass are gaining strength through the power of fat children. let them eat MacDonalds, we say. Ban MacDonalds, Prince Charles says. * Victoria Beckham has met Forest Gump * Baby dies and then comes back to life, over a year ago * Jade goes to India and tries not to put her foot in it.

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NewsPox 27 February.MP3

Quick quick. Here is the news: * Zena is furious * Barry is going to be in Celebrity Fame Academy and we predict he will win. * Director of Titanic and Terminator finds Jesus' body. Page 9. * John Travolta is a wiggy. * That fat boy is still fat and now he has Jeremy Vine on his case.

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NewsPox 26 February.MP3

Hello. How are you? Here is the news: * The Oscars happened. Helen Mirren's Queen is the Queen of the Oscars. * Britney is in rehab, hiding from everyone else. * Jo from Big Brother/S Club attempted yep for help by guzzling 6 calpol and a couple of asprins. * Danielle Lloyd claims to have dumped Teddy Sherringham because he cheated on her. I think it's because he took her to We Will Rock You for Valentines Day. * There is a fat boy who might get taken into care and deprived of pies.

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NewsPox 21 February.MP3

Wotcha cock! Here is some of the news: * Britney did have fleas and now she is in Rehab. * Prezza is spending a fortune doing nothing much in his office. Mostly the money is going on M&S buns and games for his Wii. * A tiny baby was born half-baked and it's now fully cooked and has gone home. * Chantelle says Madonna isn't a style icon. Chantelle is thick. And Preston can fuck off as well.

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