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Buying Bread
I'm not saying that people who work at giant supermarkets are unfriendly, but that's not a conversation I've ever had in one of those stores that's bigger than a townshipListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website ToiletWe bought the new toilet during our latest remodeling project based on the observation that even though it, too, was a water saving model, it could flush a Buick.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Electing a PresidentI just don't care how rich Senator McCain's wife is. I don't care where Senator Obama went to church and I don't care about Senator Clinton's hair style or jewelryListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website CheekbonesIt’s a little like having the ability to grow hair in my ears. Sure, I probably should be grateful for any hair growth, but the gratitude is a little temperedListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Drinking your PoliticsIt seems there's this expensive booze that's in very short supply. It's made, a few bottles at a time, in a distillery way back in the Scottish Highlands – by goats wearing kilts is my understandingListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Wayne PhilosophyMost men aren't willing. Most women, too, when you get right down to itListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website ColdAs I went in the door, I interrupted the treasurer's report to say, “I move that we sell the church and use the money to relocate the congregation to Jamaica .” Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website PatienceWhat we need are impatient dreamers, dreamers willing to work to make the dreams come trueListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website People ZooIt's only when I see a whole herd of them that a few common qualities pop outListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website SnowstormYou take a hog house roughly the size of a football field and get enough snow piled on top to start making the rafters creak, it's gonna be a long dayListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Mistakes If you go to some place bizarre, you'll either get a great meal or a great storyListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Dog DaysA friend of mine said admiringly, "Will your dog do that?" "Are you kidding?” I said. “My kids wouldn't even do that.”Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Feeling GoodOne guy doesn't believe in evolution and another guy claims he's seen a UFO. The only way this could get better would be if the group included a trapeze artist, an international mercenary and a concert violinist.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Mostly SkimI don't know if that made me cream or skim, but it wasn't long before I decided that the view from the bottom looking up wasn't what I wanted to see.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website I don't ask for muchActually, if you're a chicken, being asked to produce eggs isn't the worst case scenarioListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website We're Not FinchesEvolution in action, baby. If you’re too dumb to take care of your environment, death for you and yours is the inevitable resultListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Christmas 2007Still, behind my grey beard and puzzled eyes, Scrooge is always lurking, along with the concerns about what Christmas is really supposed to be about.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Cheap GraceWe're just all about cheap grace here. In our churches, in our politics and in our societyListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Manly ScentI'd go to work with my hands smelling like Chanel Number 5. It didn't bother the hogs, but the guys I worked with thought it was pretty funnyListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Credit CardsThat's not something you want to hear, some clerk saying, “Yeah, you're over the limit. You can have the coffee, but I'll have to take back the scone.”Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Taking Chargesure, you bet, I want the ginger ale, the trail mix, five or six movies, a five gallon pail of mint chocolate chip ice cream and maybe a chorus line of dancing hamsters and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing a medley of Beatles songsListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Miracle of the HuntI’ve hunted with guys who had spent thousands of dollars to train their highly specialized, purebred dogs. We’ve spent zero time and money training Cricket and believe me, it showsListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Morning NewsI don't fret about the sexual orientation of real people – I have to admit I'm completely indifferent to the gender issues of fictional wizardsListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website SleepingAs soon as my neck gives way and my head snaps backward and bounces off the back of the pew, I wake upListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Good DuckThe only harm I've managed to cause the ducks was the sore stomach muscles they got from laughing at meListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website I believe in poetryThe conversation that night occasionally left me in the dust, especially when they talked about translations of Persian poetry or opera, but then it would swerve back to more familiar territory, like flaming rats and politicsListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website New ShotgunThere's an old saying “One shot - one duck, two shots - maybe one duck, three shots - no duckListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website EggsA buddy recommended that I take a hatchet out to the coop and hang it on the wall. Nothing really threatening, just a little reminder that there are alternative chicken-based proteins other than eggsListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website of Mice and 'Manda...I wasn't thrilled with the idea of an obituary titled “Farmer crashes pickup while screaming like a wounded possum,”Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Going to the FairBut really, how many traveling carnival workers are going to read this column AND be motivated enough to find where I live and come over and beat me up?Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Taking ResponsibilityIt seems like the more powerful a person becomes, the less responsible they need to beListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Bats in the BelfryThere were people in the house who thought this was not a viable permanent solution. I chose not to listen to those people and went back to bedListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Staying HomeNo feeding, milking, butchering, cooking…none of that stuff. Just grabbed ‘em and put them in my mouth. Instant food, no workListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Bridge CollapseAnd that's where the anger comes in. For that bridge to collapse, someone didn't take their job seriouslyListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Tough Week for a Little DogDid you see the article in the paper this week about the Chihuahua that leapt between a little kid and a striking rattlesnake? I'll give you a hint – that dog's name wasn't CricketListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website OwI'm hoping my high school shop teacher doesn't read the paper this week, ‘cause he'll be mad at me for whatever I didListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Train DepotLike many small town doctors, he was always short of sleep and that's where the conflict with the railroad crews enteredListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Fourth of July 2007Most of the time you need to split your attention between the horizon that is your goal and the rocks that are right in front of youListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website This Really Gonna HurtAs he's swinging toward the tree, heading for supersonic speed, he turns to the camera and says, “This really gonna hurt.”Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Food for the StomachBread, meat, chocolate, and alcohol – those are the four major food groups. There isn’t really anything else out there to eatListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Small TownTruthfully, no one does Memorial Day like a small town.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website PrayerNo need to go nuts with this – the prayer I learned doesn't go any further than daily bread.Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Three DogsI think trying to fix someone else's botched, indifferent work is perhaps the most frustrating job in the worldListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website ThunderI'm telling you, there's nothing like nearby thunder at 2:00 on a Sunday morning to put you in a mood for repentanceListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website MailboxIt could be worse, of course. It could be me that's getting beat upListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website Cricket at WarIn a lifetime of bad judgment and poor choices, this one seemed to top the listListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website PartyIt was pretty interesting to watch an entire group of people totally united in their quest for deception - and all without the advantage of natural talent or trainingListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website SleepLast week I had two meetings out of town, which meant I took a half hour nap in the parking lot of a coffee shop the first day and on the second day I chose the back row at a Home DepotListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website RegisteringI'm simply not convinced that any store that stocks wicker and/or candles is really tapping into Guy CentralListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | |