 For the Record - home of the comedy podcast Off-Beat with your hosts Deadsqwirl and Mallrat, the FTR militia: Ash9, Brazooka, Zim and the CRZA along with explicit, offensive material that would shock Caligula himself.Primary Format :
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We're talking werewolf penis here!
Come for the if god didn't want me to rape chat and stay for the werewolf penis talk! We discuss E3, real caulk, Ash's newfangled coke habit, sexy vampires, did we mention rape jokes, and Vin Diesel's dumb face. We also talk about some other nonsense exactly 4 of you will enjoy. We used our science skills to figure out that equation. Oh yeah, we watched a chimp rape a frog, kinda blew my mind a bit.
<object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" width="480" height="385" co ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Teddy Ruxpin fuckerEver think about fucking a Teddy Ruxpin doll while it was mouthing Metallica songs, well we haven't either. Well maybe one of us has. We talk pre E3, new Iphone and some other nonsense. Here's the filth from Japan we spoke of: <embed width="452" height="361" quality="high" wmode="transparent" name="main" id="main" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" src="http://www.drtuber.com/media/player/player.swf?f=http://www.drtuber.com/media/player/config_embed.php?vkey=6196" type="a ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Lost (somewhere on my HDD)Much like Jack's trials and tribulations we fought hard to get this show to you. Through massive recording issues for the second time this week, we triumphed over forces higher than us telling us to shut the fuck up. We talk Lost, and other things but you have out listen to find out what. Our friend Fog joins in through the science of AOL instant messenger which he connected to from his War games-esque computer he still has form the early 90's. We blame him for all the issues recording and ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
It's not racist it's an educated guess.Lots and lots of talk about vomit. If vomit is your thing, this is certainly the show for you. We talk about vomiting in your mouth while being pulled over by a cop, vomiting in a purse, vomiting in your friends face while drinking and vomiting on a waitresses crotch. we also talk about circle vomiting. Consider yourself a vomit connoisseur after listening to us this week. Music used on tonights show: Spring Heeled Jack - Jolene Go Go's - Vacation Cypress Hill - Rise Up Leave a voicemail: 2 ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
I don't know where your vagina's beenIn this week's episode your heroes drink Steel Reserve and talk nonsense....so the only thing that's changed is the beer. Music used on tonights show: The Flatliners - here comes treble Leave a voicemail: 206-984-1178 Got Question? Email us and we'll either call you fat or a fag: feedback@offbeatpodcast.com Follow the cast on twitter: <a href="http://twitter.com/offbeatpodcast">Off-Beat</a> <a href="http://twitter.com/deadsqwirl">Deadsqwirl</a> <a href="http://twi ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
You just got scienced...We did it!!! We completed a show two weeks in a row and did it without a single rape joke! We talk about relationships tooth brushes stuck in penis', food, safe shark hole fisting and Christina Hendrick's boobs. Website of the week: <a href="http://www.mostawesomestthingever.com/">most awesomest thing ever.com/</a> Music used on tonights show: Mc Frontalot-Charisma potion Leave a voicemail: 206-984-1178 Got Question? Email us and we'll either call you fat or a fag: feedback@off ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
I'm not a FishologistEver wonder what it would be like to fist a shark? Probably not , I think there is seriously something wrong with us. Well if you haven't figured it out we talk about sharkgina's and religion and then .....video games of course. Go listen. Website of the week: <a href="http://www.awkwardboners.com">Awkward Boners.com</a> Music used on tonights show: Jonathon Coulton Re: your brains Victims of circumstance The final flight of D.B. Cooper. Leave a voicemail: 206-984-1178 Got Quest ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Wait...Ricky Martin is gay?It's been a while, but here's your new show. Jesse James, Tiger woods, Splinter Cell, Dragon Age, Girls who enjoy comics...it's all here. We also discuss some movies and videos, and here they are: <object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/U4bTfABlBg8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="h ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
A love song to the Netherlands.Music, Oscar's and video games, That's what this episode consists of. We talk precious, a woman with 2 butt-holes, A vagina scent, and Japs! Well I'm tired, so show notes aren't happening, instead watch these idiots that we didn't discuss on the show: <object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/yk2vR8w2sjc&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptac ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Deathbed Molly New show, yay. We make fun of Tiger Woods then we make fun of how mediocre we are, we make fun of Quest then we make fun of how mediocre we are, we make fun of Boner then we make fun of how mediocre we are, we talk about how we hate Activision (anything after Pitfall sucked) then we make fun of how mediocre we are. Getting the theme here? Leave a voicemail: 206-984-1178 Got Question? Email us and we'll either call you fat or a fag: feedback@offbeatpodcast.com Follow the cast on twitter: &l ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
El Unitardo MidgetoOn the show this week, We discuss Sarah Palin, what Ash would be like if he owned a Mexican drug bar (which he has enough money saved up to start), We chat a shitload of movies, Lady Ga Ga's vagina and who could forget Epic beard man. Here it is in all it's glory: <object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" width="425" height="344" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="tr ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
The Nuge never missesEver wonder what it would be like if the cast ran an abortion clinic? Well don't waste your brain cells on trying to figure it out, we describe our ideal planned parent hood facility for you. We chat Oscars and other random shit as well. Here is the link dump:<br> <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/S2xyYuCY9pI/AAAAAAAAF8s/x72doahCm40/s1600-h/gravity3.jpg"> Fat girl </a><br> <a href="http://www.theync.com/media.php?name=14007-most-shocking-ever">Fac ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
A CertHEEEEROOOOOOW, here it is another show. Yay. We chat Ipad, Springer, Dummies, video games, masterbation (surprise surprise), sex follies (aka a cum shot to the face)<a href="http://www.angelfire.com/film/tsss/ss/inuraface.wav" target="blank">Click here for added effect </a> and Ash sulks and shoots himself in the penis....ah women. Here's some entertainment for you: <object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-KxZfGf-ly0&hl ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
After every abortion an angel gets it's wings.We drank, we ate shitty candy from the Netherlands and we talked. Mainly we talked movies this week and James Cameron's massive penis which allows him to do whatever. We also threw some Conan and Leno into the mixand cracked a few jokes here and there, at least I think. Here's the video from the audio we played in the beginning of the show and then never discussed. seriously we have A.D.D.:
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Smell my GlobnarkCome for the cock mocking stay for the Call of Duty nerd talk where we upgrade our penis' with perks. 'Twas an interesting night, we chatted about Conan, Mark McGuire, made fun of terrible rap songs and cracked tons of penis jokes. Oh yeah and we looked at this and tried not to erupt vomit from our faces: Try and un-see that mother fuckers!
206-984-1178
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Deadsqwirl
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At least we have a white presidentHappy new year idiots.
It's been a while, so long we forgot what the hell we were supposed to do. We chat movies, make fun of listeners, watch a video of a guy fucking a cow heart, share our top 5 games of 09 and babble for a long ass time because we missed each other, not you guys though. We discuss the ice taunting this fat mess as well:
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Happy Dew Year!Listen dummy!Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Every man is a Buddhist while taking a dump.We managed to make time in our busy schedule to bring you some fine (terrible) programming. We discuss babies eating cocaine, Mallrat trying to get immediately after operation sex, Tiger Woods, the ham job, I love you Beth Cooper and most importantly this disgusting pic: Check the feed for next live show due to the shitty holiday coming up.
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From the future!Well, tonight's show was a quickie. Pretty much just touching base with the few of you who still listen. We discuss how miserable we are this time of year, Mallrat's fat ass crushing his wife's sex toy, Dead's frustration and then we encourage you to pick your favorite show we have recorded. Check the twitter regularly to see when we will be live again, probably sometime after the Holiday's but who the hell knows!
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Panty PartyHere it is, the show I forgot about. We talk, you should listen Yay. Get to it and leave comments in the new audio comments and whatnot.Leave a voicemail:206-984-1178Got Question? Email us and we'll either call you fat or a fag:feedback@offbeatpodcast.comFollow the cast on twitter:Off-BeatDeadsqwirlAsh9MallratRickettsThe Itty BittyListen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
The proclivity for chopsticks
HEROW!
We did a lot of shit tonight talked a lot of shit tonight and laughed at a lot of shit as well. We sang Catskill game farm songs, talked about clit piercings, curry, chopsticks, asians, Call of Duty modern warfare 2 field trips and so much more. If you miss this one your a moron, well if you listen to us your probably a moron. Enjoy!
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My wang is like a dish towel...So we are drunkâ.
in fact still drunk as we are typing this and Ricketts is blacked out on my toilet. Hereâs a tip, if the cool drunk people at the bar annoy you, avoid this show! get to listening, itâs chock full of a sex batman skit and hatred of the clit. And Iâm pretty sure I just adopted a Ricketts as Ash9 left him here, wonderful!
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Vagina FaceSo it's been a few weeks,
And if your looking for humor here in this show your pretty much out of luck. We geek out over Modern Warfare 2, Dragon Age, and the new Borderlands DLC coming out. Read up by going here: Borderlands DLC. We bring some humor to our nerdumb by talking about some dope that splits his face open while diving because his place of residence is boring, and we whine alot because this show was plagued by technical disasters, give us a few weeks off and we forget how to do t ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Manpire
Hello,
We take a bunch of phone calls, talk about killing someone with farts,(how mature), make fun of a misfortunate flu shot victim, and follow our formula of fat and gay jokes, because that's never been done before right? Here's the poor sucker that was quickly divorced due to the new her:
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Got Question? Email us and we'll either call you fat or a fag:
feedback@offbeatpodcast.com
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Off-Beat
Deadsqwirl
Ash9
Mallrat
Ricketts
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Clam BakeHaroooooow!
Well it's late, and it's mediocre just like you savages like it. We ramble on about this and wiping cum on your beard or cat or something, Then we talk about the balloon boy hoax which we shouldn't because it's stupid. We babble about video games, dish out advice and then discuss what a clam bake should consist of. Go listen, then kill yourself for listening, you deserve a nap.
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Confetti spraying penishey,
here it is a new show that 1 of you have been looking forward to. In the mix for tonight we discuss the origins of the word fuck, Ash's desire to be a sex toy quality assurance tester, odd sexual positions no one in their right mind would ever try, offer advice, talk about video games and also give our opinion on the Letterman thing because no one else has done that this week right? Oh and by the way, if you haven't seen this yet your retarded, well your probably retarded anyway bec ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Welcome to pathetic townSo we got the phone lines working but it destroyed the chat room and reminded us why we liked the phones lines being down. In this episode we discuss what it would be like if you were homeless and how to put your face out if it was on fire, not that anyone should care because your homeless. we talk about this and then that we dish out advice and for some reason we covered a stupid Screech news story, fuck that nobody. any way go listen, I am too tired to type show notes!
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And we shall call it womb raiderHi there person we somehow suckered into reading this. There is a new show for you to listen to here, we run through Mallrat getting $8,000, aborting children, incest, Mallrat's new desire to eat cum because of his beverage, offensive tattoo's, Patrick Swayze's worthless pancreas and the smell that wafts out from Jennifer Aniston's hole that makes men run away. Go listen, then interact, let us know your listening, yeah I'm talking to you!
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I'm Sex Batman.And from the ashes a new hero rises up to save dummies when they need sexual advice! We talk about District 9, Adventureland, The Hangover and some other celebrity based bullshit. We talk geek, X-men wolverine game, I know we are late to the party and Beatles Rock Band. We talk about stand up comedians and this thing.
Have fun, see you live next week.
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Smurf porn is my new addiction!So we lied in true Ronin Radio fashion (hell we do have half the cast on this show so really you should expect it!) and told you we would do a show last week, oops we didnât. But to make it up to you we did 2 and a half hours of drunken awesomeness. Still feeling the effects so your not getting show notes but what you will get is this picture
That is all, go listen dummy!
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And now a word from the president....Watch and find out stupid!Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
I never jerk off to the same thing twice.Wow, we talked alot, go figure considering we do a talk show. so we figure by our standards since this show is over 2 hours, we won't do a show next week. Just kidding we can't get enough of our own voices. We we talk about cum, movies, vaginas, The Itty Bitty's height, penis, you know all the same shit we always talk about, just in a more awesome way than normal. Anyway I have been drinking, and it's late, and I'm not gonna type anymore because I don't feel like it so go enjoy the awesome ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
She doesn't listen anyways!Well you can blame yourself for only getting 40 minutes of awesomeness this week. We did an hour and a half of mediocre radio to entertain you vagina's but we didn't record it, and we did that intentionally to try and make you listen live. That's my story and I'm sticking to it, or maybe we had some technical issues, which is more believable because we are not smart enough to plan a scheme out to get more people to listen live. The shit you won't hear, everything awesome we said on the live ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
So your job is more important than us?Hello all,
It's time for another show, we discuss woman trying to steal babies before they were born and how men are superior because we aren't crazy enough to do that, we do a ton of movie talk, and Mallrat pretty much exclaims he would give Paul Rudd head because he was in Wet Hot American Summer, (listen closely, I'm pretty sure he says that.) We talk about the new master piece commercial for the show which is streaming now on our live page along with 15 minutes of new show for you to c ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Unfortunately it's in her stomachHey,
Of course we run the gamut of shit to talk about, notice a pattern? We discuss the Iphone, sunglasses, Obama and his beer, we play manly or not so manly, we make fun of autistic kids and then we come to this gem, a mother who ate her baby!
The real problem here is where the hell is the father and why would someone fuck this crazy bitch then allow her to keep the child. Anyway we play guess the top 10 celebrity messes and do a jig, ok there was no jigging because it was way to hot i ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Lip ServiceWhat's up scumbags,
We start off this mess by discussing some of the things we discussed after the show last week but recorded and put in between the show from 2 weeks ago. Confused, well so am I, kinda, and I'm running this shit. We discuss Mallrat's lack of slurping on his penis and our new contest has risen, who will get lip service first, Mallrat or Ash9. We'll keep you posted. We discuss whacking off for the first time, my horrible dreams, another celebrity death and these assholes ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
The grindhouse of podcastsWhat's up a-holes?
We have done a double feature, well triple feature if you include the banter from between the shows. We were just going to spout out an intro but since we love you douches so much we did 20 more minutes of slightly above mediocre radio. We discuss O'bama checking out a 16 year old woman's beautiful pot roast shaped ass. Here's the image, you decide if he's checking out her ass or not.
We move onto fashion and then into some Black white or Asian action. Which brings us ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Accept my seed!Hello, after a nice well rested week off we have returned, thanks to the 1 person who missed us and asked when we were going to do another show, it warmed the cockles of our wittle hearts. We talk about everyone in Hollywood dying, I personally think Ed McMahon got shafted by all the other top notch celebs croaking on purpose to make his death look less news worthy. Poor fatty. We discuss for quite some time the blatant racism involved in Transformers 2 and Mallrat is upset about it, that' ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
That's alot of turd!What's up waterheads, oh that's offensive, sorry. Here's a new show, we completely ignore the fact we are doing audio and show off the pop crunch top 100 girls via the live feed, your loss for not listening live. Ash9 laid a turd that looked like 15 dead zombies stuffed into a bowl and we believe has de-throned Ricketts, you be the judge over in the forums. We talk about the gravity defying breasts of this tennis bitch:
Also in this installment we play Black white or bestiality. Good times ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Big balls, death and drinking!Even with everything breaking before the show we managed to pull the live show off. Our feed went down, a laptop broke and our live phone line crapped out. I think it's God's way of saying stop fucking doing the show. Ain't gonna happen faggot! We talk about employees borrowing out games and the debate on wether or not it should be sold as a new game. We discuss Tiger 10, drinking heavily and then puking and then casually transistion into an old woman getting the fuck tasered out of her!
Af ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
The rape joke you'll never here.So in true Off-Beat fashion we broke shit, this time halfway through the show Pee Wee Herman deemed we were not allowed to record the rest of our show and it came true. Fuck you Pee Wee for winning a game of truth or dare with god by masterbating in public and then using your victory wish to fuck up our show. Your movies sucked! Anyway we talked alot about rape, the we talked about raping a machine taped to doors, but I'm not sure if you get to hear that part, fucking Pee Wee Herman, then w ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Someone strap a bomb to Freddie Prinze Jr.
Sup fools, if your a fan of television and movies then boy do we have a show for you this week. We chat tons of television, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia , Reaper, Chuck, Rescue me, Lucky louie and a crap ton more. Dead and Momma checked out Terminator Salvation today and we discuss that semi disaster. We try discussing an old woman getting wailed in the face by some lunaic who must have been on a professional basketball team but our Mexican employee Ricketts couldn't make it hence no ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Power, glory and disappointment.Hello savages,
Fun show again this evening. Somehow we end up keeping it local, we talk about shitty Waterbury government, we join fatty mc fatterson's chat room and he doesn't appreciate Dead's greeting of "hang yourself Fatty for our entertainment" and is instantly banned. Maybe next time I will pace myself instead of going right in for the kill. We discuss how much work it takes to be lazy, well work it takes when your poor and you cant pay someone else to do it or have the morals to ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Like a dirty burrito in your panties.Probably some of the most fun I've ever had recording a show, seriously. The fan support was great during the live show, where the hell were you? We drank our own creation, the dirty burrito, The itty bitty answered one of your lingering questions, yes she spits. She couldn't keep the damned thing down which isn't surprising. We played chubby bunny and missed soo many great jokes about the itty bitty taking two in her mouth and not being able to hold them in her mouth. Insert your jokes her ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Two terminators fucking makes me hard.Live show went off kind of smooth this week. We would like to welcome Omer who was fucking stoned and called the show to talk about his addictions then hung up because he probably OD'ed, it was nice knowing you dude. We drank wine basically because we had nothing left in the house to drink and we needed our fix, ok Dead drank wine and everyone else provided Whine. That was a terrible joke and I deserve to be slowly killed by a shitload of hyena's. have you ever seen those fuckers maul a ze ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
The splash back is the bidet!Well if you haven't figured it out, we discuss shit, literally talk about our shit, especially on Dead left that looked like an ostriches head and neck swinging from his asshole. We try and make fun of a conjoined twin but all of a sudden everyone has a heart, aaa boooooo! We look at pictures of this cat getting stepped on, they were horrifying and will not be shown on the site but we will show you how cute the cat was:
If you missed the live feed, you missed out on seeing the CRZA and M ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
That girl looks like a shuttle cock!You know it sucks to not have any legs, but it also makes for great fodder when there is a bunch of assholes with microphones. We rag on some poor third world country bitch with a basketball for a mode of transportation, we fucked up half of our audio equipment, we had a blast with an old friend sugar bear, talks of period sex found it's way into the conversation and we really never finished anything we started to talk about, but we are ok with that. Jamie Foxx said some shit, we don't fini ... Listen | Listen in your iPhone | Download | View full cache | Visit Website
Drunk and RetardlyWell we tried to run it live, it worked even though we were shit faced drunk. Ricketts donned a mexicna wrestling mask, we talked about sex, pirates, and a vagina torn apart by water. Also tried to figure out why you would jump into a polar bear pit at the zoo.
Video dump of all the shit discussed on the show:
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Yo, you have ZZ Top crotch.Sup folks?
New show for you guys, sorry it's a day late, my schedule sucks. We talk a lot of shit this show about some idiot from Texas, we discuss reverse racism, we try to make Itty Bitty cry and then ask you guys what you would do to make her cry. We play guess the sound, I would post the video here but you assholes would know what it was so instead I'll post the other videos we discuss:
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