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Woot Podcasts

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Precision Trainer Heart Rate Monitor with Speed and Distance - $24.99

Information is knowledge.And knowledge is smartness. And it pays to be “heart-informed.” The way I see it, if you don’t take care of your thumper, that squishy little piece of throb-meat only has so many lub-dubs in it before it seizes up to beat no more. So I’m strapping in to my new Pro-Form Precision Trainer, and I’m not unstrapping until I’ve got some data on this here ticker of mine. Now, a lot of people use a heart rate monitor like this one when they exercise. It’s got ...

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Butterfly Wine Rack - 2 Pack - $17.99

The Party“…and thanks for coming! Well, Jack, I guess the party’s almost over. You’re the very last guest.”“Yeah, Shirley. I guess I am. Heh. Hey, you’ve been on your feet all night, why not take a load off? Here, come sit by me on the couch.” “Well… I guess I am kind of tired. Ooof. It does feel good to sit. Hey, Jack, thanks so much for coming to my party tonight. I know I always seem nervous around you at work and you might think I’m dumb but… well, it meant a lot ...

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Memorex 720p HD Mini Camcorder - $49.99

The Case Of The Halfway Decent LawyerAll rise, court is now in session, the honorable Judge Melvin presiding.Okay, well, let’s take a look here. People vs The Hot Dog Bandit. Really? Your name is really The Hot Dog Bandit? Oh, your name is Stan? Well, hello, Stan, I’m Horace, nice to meet you. Gosh, I wonder why the Chief of Police wrote that in wrong. No, Stan, that’s a rhetorical question, since I’m actually pretty sure I know exactly why. I see the reason right over there. Hello, ...

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MyVu Solo Plus EV Media Viewer with iPod and iPhone Conversion Cable - $79.99

MyVu, Right or WrongLadies and gentlemen of the committee, distinguished legislators, and terrorist pawns: the bill before you today is, to put it mildly, worse than slavery and nuclear war combined.The American Video Goggle Council of America, whom I represent, is deeply concerned about the intrusion of big government into the freedoms we hold dear. Foremost among those freedoms is the right to watch the videos we want to watch, on the devices we choose. It’s what John Wayne went to war ...

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Shakespeare Outdoor Kids Spincasting Fishing Kit – 2 Pack - $9.99

You know what they say: Give a child a fish…...and he’ll never neglect to provide you with a birthday wish list again. A fish is a bad gift.A sweet spincasting rig like this one, though? Now that’s fun. Not to mention educational. Yeah, that’s right, educational! Fishing teaches kids all kinds of important stuff. It develops their ability to be patient, it teaches them about conservation, they learn all manner of weird zoological facts, they get hep to the dangers of different water ...

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Framed Star Wars Film Cells - $24.99

We Learned From A MasterThese Star Wars Film Cells are an exciting collectable memory from the classic film series that changed the world. But what can you do with them? We’ve prepared a few examples that we hope will win you over.If you’re the sort of die-hard fan who has a special room devoted to all things Star Wars, you probably already know exactly where you’ll be putting your Star Wars Film Cells. You’re probably not even reading this writeup. You’re over at the big button h ...

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Alpen Trail-Tec 8×28 Binocular - $19.99

More Like Trailer-TecYou believe that usher, telling me you can’t bring video cameras into the theater? He acted like he’s never seen anybody use binoculars to get a better look at the movie.I paid for my ticket. I bought my Alpen 625 Trail-Tec 8×28 Binoculars. Damned if I’m going to let some teenager in a maroon vest and aqua bow-tie tell me I can’t use them together. I guess these things are made for using out in nature or whatever, with their 8×28 magnification, fogproof and wa ...

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eMachines Dual-Core Athlon Desktop Computer - $229.99

An Incomprehensible Proposal“So you think money can’t buy everything? Well, David, what would you say if I offered you one million dollars to spend the night with your eMachines Athlon X2 2.1GHz Desktop Computer?”“I’d say you must be joking.” “It’s no joke. I’m serious. You see, many years ago I saw a PC like that on the subway. We made eye contact a couple of times. I thought I saw it smile once. Then it was gone. I rode that same subway every day for nineteen years, but ...

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VTech DECT 6.0 5-Handset Cordless Phone w/ Digital Answering System - $59.99

Sometimes I Feel Like A Cradleless PhoneThis is KDDT Radio, with the best interviews with the people who make the music you’ll never bother to hear. Up next, some old blues guy.We’re in the studio today with Blind Hops Barley, noted blues artist, who recently recorded a tribute album to the VTech 6.0GHz 5-Handset Cordless Phone with Digital Answering System. Hops, first of all, why do they call you blind, when you’re clearly not blind?It’s from when I worked as a curtain salesman. M ...

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Gateway 11.6” Netbook - $279.99

Wave GoodbyeYes! I finally scored an invite to that awesome new social-collaborative-chat-messaging tool! I’m gonna be surfing a wave of productivity now, man!And thanks to my compact, portable Gateway 11.6” Netbook, I’m going to be doing it from my very favorite cupcake bakery/burlesque house. How many hip units is that worth? A million? A billion? A googol? I just wish I’d had the foresight to grow a humorous mustache. OK, let’s fire it up…I’m in! Prepare for waving! Man, th ...

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Perfect Pullup - $14.99

Pull yourself up by your bootstrapsAlthough that’s not really how pull-ups are supposed to be performedHey all you fat, pathetic sacks of apathy and sloth! Do you have the energy and vitality that you wish you had? Are you happy with your physiques? Well, of course you aren’t! I mean, look at you. You’re disgusting. How in the world do you get your socks on? No, it doesn’t matter. I was just wondering out loud. The point is: My name’s Amy and I’m here to help you unlock the secr ...

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Fire Wire Stainless Steel Flexible Grilling Skewers – 6 Pack - $17.99

Hello, Tech Support?Hi. For some reason I’m having problems hooking my camcorder up to my laptop.Well I noticed it had a FireWire port, so I hooked up one of my Firewire Flexible Grilling Skewers and nothing. I mean, I thought it was weird that they came in a 6 pack but maybe I should try a different one? Yeah, the computer’s on. Yeah the camcorder’s on. What? Yes, the cable’s in the proper port. Come on, I’m not stupid. I took the Firewire out, loaded it up with chicken, peppers, ...

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Brinkmann 3 Watt Luxeon LED Aluminum Flashlight - $9.99

Brinkmann, Brinkmann (Or, The Lux)“The rules are simple. You push this button and receive 120 lumens of portable lighting, wherever and whenever you need it. And someone you’ve never met will die.”“You know what? You can just go ahead and take that box with you. I don’t need it. I won’t be pushing the button.” “So you say. Perhaps you even believe it. But the temptation will corrode your thin veneer of civlized morality. Your craving for convenient light will overwhelm your ...

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23” Widescreen Full HD 1080p LCD Monitor with HDMI - $149.99

No, I know, you can’t live in the past.Nonetheless, I’m re-evaluating some of my recent decisions.Sometimes you have to just sit down and think over the things you’ve done, and the choices you’ve made, and try to figure if maybe you could have made some smarter decisions. That’s how you learn, you know? It’s how you grow. It’s part of being a man. So I’m doing a little post-game analysis on this past week or so. Because I feel like I might be in a better situation now if I ...

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Vornado Soleaire Personal Foot Heater - $19.99

Give ‘Em The Ol’ Hotfoot“Hurry! Hurry! If we don’t act fast, I might lose the pinky toe!”“What? What are you talking about?” “My foot! Frostbite is setting in, I can feel it! Where’s the Vornado Soleaire Personal Foot Heater?” “It’s in the bathroom closet, but… frostbite? It’s like 45 degrees outside. And you were only out for, what, 10 minutes? How long does it take to fold up the patio umbrella and stack up the chairs?” “Long enough for my foot to get reall ...

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ATI TV Wonder USB Digital HDTV Tuner - $19.99

C’mon, Share Some Of That Black Ops Budget With UsHappy Birthday, NSA! We hope you’ll █████ with your █████ ███ today! Once our writeup passes your strict declassification and redaction process, of course.Hey, National Security Agency, you get a bad rap sometimes. And maybe you bring it on yourself a little, to be fair. You’re sort of like the guy who yells at everyone about how tough he is and then winds up with no one to talk to when he’s watching the gam ...

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Blockade Noise Isolating Earbuds - 2 Pack - $14.99

I think the little hairy guy with the claws is popping my bike tires on purposeHead down, earbuds in, try not to get hit by a laserMy mother-in-law thought we were crazy. “You two are going to end up pulverized by a giant world-eating alien just like your Aunt Regina!” We’ve always wanted to live in Metro City, though, and when Jessica got that job offer at the Major Daily Newspaper, we were excited to move to where all the costumed action is. For about the first three weeks, anyway. ...

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iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum with Virtual Wall - $129.99

Looking For Mr. RoombarThis is nice, isn’t it? I have to say, I was surprised when you called me. Most people who date robots prefer the kind that, you know, look like people.I just keep thinking about all those times you came over to play cards with Len and Sherry. Of course I noticed you, but I never imagined you noticed me, way down on the floor in my self-charging home base. Well, there was this one time when I heard you ask Sherry about me. It made my heart leap. But then Sherry just ...

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Acer Aspire One 11.6” Netbook - $249.99

Interview With The AspireThat’s weird. I don’t remember seeing these two little holes punched into my Acer Aspire One Netbook before.Yeah, just like, two little puncture holes maybe an inch apart, right through the diamond black chassis. From the looks of it, I’d say they were made by an icepick or a roofing nail or something like that. What’s the story? Who would’ve done it, and why? I guess that’s what I get for leaving my Acer Aspire One in front of an open window all night. ...

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Philips 32" LCD HDTV - $309.99

The Fiery Pits of Pumpkin Hell, now in HD!Peter Pumpkin? This is Georgina Gourd, Gertrude’s mom?When Gertie came home with the invitation to Pepper’s Halloween slumber party, she was so excited. My husband and I were very hesitant about sending her on her first overnight but, with Pepper being her best friend, we thought it’d be okay. We didn’t realize that when we dropped off the little pumpkin princess at your house last night, we were going to get back a quaking nervous mess of a ...

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Energizer Light on Demand Twin Light Center - $9.99

Let There Be LightAre you in no position to demand anything? Then get a Energizer Light on Demand Twin Light Center! Then you’ll be able to have light every time you want it.How many times has it happened to you? You’re trying to do something in your home, and then, for no reason at all, the sun sets. Yelling won’t help. Screaming only hurts your throat. Kicking is fun but it’s socially unacceptable. You just have to face it. No matter how much you act like a two year old, the sun w ...

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Genie 1/2 HP Belt Drive Garage Door Opener - $109.99

Easy as XYZWell, after weeks and weeks of admonitions from my buttinsky neighbors, I finally went ahead and did it. I bought and installed a Genie garage door opener.I heard it from them pretty much every day. We’d run into each other at the mailbox, and in a conspiratorial whisper, they’d say “your garage door’s open.” I always pretended I was glad for the update, but really, so what if it was? A man’s home is his castle, of which he is king, and the positioning of the drawbrid ...

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Samsung Bluetooth Headset - $19.99

Now, sweetie, don’t be upsetI swear to you, this is not like the time I spent our savings on that Robot Butler kit.Yeah, I know that’s still sitting in the garage along with the DIY Rocket Pack and the EZ-Build Lawn Goat. Yes, I know I have to stop spending money on crazy things I find on the internet. And, YES, I swear I’ll go to the next Impulse Buyers Anonymous meeting. This Samsung Bluetooth Headset, though, is totally different from all those times, honey. First of all, it’s us ...

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Energizer Universal Mega Cell Battery Pack - $99.99

Dating TipsIt was so hard to find beautiful women who I have something in common with. I like music, sports, and movies; they like pepper spray and restraining orders.I mean, I consider myself a person of deep integrity and substance and sensitivity, someone who honestly seeks a genuine connection with a kindred soul. So why should I settle for ugly chicks? Then I found something that worked like The Game and Axe Body Spray rolled into one: the Energizer Universal 18000 mAh Battery Pack. I ...

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Timex iControl Ironman Watch with iPod Control - $24.99

He was wearing an Ironman WatchCan you believe it? An Ironman watch. Like—oh, sure, HE ran the Ironman.“Hey,” says the guy in line behind me for concessions, the sound of a challenge in his voice. “Pretty ballsy of you to be wearing that around. You earn it?” “You bet I did,” I say. “Future Farmers of America, that’s me, just like it says on the jacket. Well, used to be. I guess I’m a past Future Farmer of America now.” “I’m not talking about your jacket,” he say ...

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eMachines 1.6Ghz Desktop Computer - $199.99

Tape Deck Sold SeparatelyWhy do I love playing vintage games on my eMachines ET1810-01? Because those are the only kinds of games it can play.But hey, no skin off my thumb. You ask me, they haven’t made a decent video game since Pac-Man got married anyway. So while you new-jacks are dropping crazy dollars for processors that can push mad polygons, me and my Intel 1.6GHz Celeron processor are kicking it old-school. Why would I want to go to Liberty City when I’ve got the whole Oregon Tra ...

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First Alert Onelink Smoke Alarm with Voice Alert - 2 Pack - $39.99

Armadillos Are The Safest Of All God’s CreaturesOnce upon a time, in a magical land known as Texas, there was a little armadillo named Kevin, who was kind and good and worked in an office.One morning Kevin was in his kitchen, getting ready for work. Kevin enjoyed his job, and was always looking for ways to make his co-workers feel a little better. Sometimes he brought jelly beans and left them in a big pile near the narwhal in the lobby. Sometimes he made armadillo-style banana bread and ...

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Philips 19” LCD HDTV - $149.99

Flight of FancyThe official government story says there was no boy in that balloon. But a growing number of Americans are demanding the truth about what really happened on 10/15.If you accept theCIA’s version of events, the whole incident was merely a misunderstanding. A joke, really. The kid was in the attic all along and everybody got worked up over nothing. Har dee har har. Well, I know what I felt was real. The terror and confusion of that terrible afternoon were too vivid to be wishe ...

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Acer Aspire One 10.1" Netbook - $229.99

They should call them NEATbooks, am I right, people?OK, no, I guess I am not rightNot so long ago, when they said the country would be dotted with numerous wireless “hotspots” where people could get online for free, I scoffed. This was me: “Scoff!” Oh, I was one smug customer. Then it came to pass. There are wireless networks all over the freaking place now! I ate crow. With egg on my face. It was a kind of Humiliation Brunch. So now I feel like a pretty much total jackass with my l ...

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Pioneer HD 1080p Blu-Ray Disc Player - $134.99

Let’s All Go To The Chat RoomUsed to be people got mad when somebody talked all through a movie. Now they pay extra to hear it.DVD commentary tracks were bad enough. Somebody tell that guy to pipe down – I’m trying to watch a movie here. Sorry, but your auteuristic insights into this robot fight aren’t exactly vaulting over my fascination threshold. Some things are better shown than told, which you figure if anybody’d know that, it’d be a movie director. Besides, if I wanted to ...

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Philips Prestigo 15-Device Universal Remote - $29.99

Prestigo TripThis Wicker Caddy Isn’t Big Enough For The 15 Of UsThe scene: A comfortable suburban home. The Philips Prestigo 15-Device Universal Remote lands in a small basket of remote controls on a coffee table in front of a couch. “Make room, schmucks from Schmuckville! There’s a new flipper in town, and I aims to replace ever’ last one of yez. That’s right, I’m a’musclin’ in on your turf! What do you have to say about it? “I’ll tell you what you have to say about it. ...

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Box of 15 Marian Heath Christmas Cards - Random 5 Pack - $3.99

Send The Cards You’re DealtWho needs Christmas cards? I just get one of those subscription cards out of a magazine, tape the person’s address over the magazine one, scribble HAPPY HOLIDAYS across the back, and drop it in the mail. Doesn’t cost me a dime.Pieces of cardboard are all pretty much created equal anyway, right? When somebody complains, I can lay into them for getting caught up in material possessions and forgetting the reason for the season. The holiday isn’t celebrating H ...

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Gateway Media Center PC with Intel Core 2 Quad Processor - $479.99

Yes, We All See You, Now Quit It“Terms of Service”? What does that mean?@woot the Gateway Intel Core2 QuadCore 2.33GHz Media Center is an original computer that must be purchased to be appreciated @aplusk Ashton that was funny did you know Gateway Intel Core2 QuadCore 2.33GHz Media Center best desktop invest now keep on rocking @TheEllenShow o i agree but Gateway Intel Core2 QuadCore 2.33GHz Media Center has 15 in 1 reader that could help you with that problem @woot Gateway Intel Core2 ...

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Breville 15-Bar Die-Cast Espresso & Cappuccino Maker with Knocchi Knock Box - $179.99

The Thrilla From Breville-aI’d been insulted for the last time, thank you very much.What gave them the right, those MFA dropouts and punk-band casualties, to look down their multipierced noses at me? So I didn’t know the lingo! So I called it a “large” instead of a “mondeau-grandeau!” Sorry, but I didn’t spend the past several years immersed in ALL THINGS OVERPRICED COFFEE. I have a JOB. I thought to myself: I don’t have to take this! There are many other ways for a person t ...

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Acu-Rite Wireless Digital Cooking and Barbeque Thermometer - $12.99

Hot With A Chance Of DeliciousLabor Day, Shmabor Day. The last day of MY barbecue season will be the day they put me in my grave.What, you think the cavemen stopped grilling meat for the winter? You think a little case of frostbite kept Genghis Khan from firing up the propane and grilling up some primo yak flesh? I don’t know about you, but my craving for flame-scorched, fire-singed, smoke-riddled meat doesn’t hibernate for the season. I aim to just keep grilling and grilling and grilli ...

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TomTom 4.3” Touchscreen Portable GPS w/ Text to Speech, IQ Routes & Lane Guidance - $109.99

Our Love Took a Wrong Turn at AlbuquerqueHoney, I don’t know how to say this. There’s something missing. The spark is gone. There’s no excitement left anymore. The Elvis of romance has left the building that is our relationship.Remember how it used to be? We were crazy and fancy-free. We were lost in love. And also literally lost. All the time. You had the worst sense of direction! We’d go out for groceries, get somehow turned around on the interstate and before we knew it, we were ...

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Emerson SmartSet Digital Lamp Control Security Timer - 2 Pack - $9.99

Our Castle And Our KeepLook, honey, we don’t have to fight about this. I’ll let you get those Emerson SmartSet Lamp Control Timers if you’ll let me dig that moat.Personally, I like to go with a proven solution. And the simple, effective moat managed to keep the feudal lords in power for, like, a thousand years. Rampaging Visigoths, invading Moors, peasant uprisings, even – if the legends are to be believed – dragons: none were any match for an expanse of stagnant, pestilential wat ...

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RCA Jet 1GB Sport Media Player with FM Tuner - $7.99

RCA BMI WTF LOLA real player knows how to handle the gym. But he also knows how to party. And a good wingman can really help.‘Sup playa? How’s it hangin’? Guess you had plans over the weekend. Just one song? Oh, you had a gig full? Ha ha! That’s my playa! Oh, sorry, I didn’t introduce you. This is my lady friend, Janice. Janice, this is the RCA 1GB MP3 Player. He’s a hardcore playa, so you watch yourself around him! He’ll steal you from me! Ha ha! Yeah, he does look pretty nic ...

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Neat Receipts Mobile Scanner with NeatWorks 4.0 Digital Filing System and Travel Case - $79.99

The Agony of Receipts“For instance, this receipt here, from Scaly Pals Reptile & Amphibian Supply: $183 for ‘alligator rental’. Care to explain that?”“Yeah, they were out of crocodiles.” “Need I remind you-” “Look, I was told I had a $200 budget for decorating the new office men’s room. Way I see it, you guys owe me 17 bucks.” “OK, then, what about this one: a $349 ‘viewing fee’ from West County Gastroenterological Partners.” “Client entertainment. I knew Chu ...

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MSI Wind Top All-In-One 18.5” Touchscreen PC - $429.99

We’re minutes from total catastrophe.MINUTES. You’re the best in the business. We really need a decision on this right now.A panic ran through my body as I realized they were talking to me. I’d kind of spaced out there. “Right,” I said, affecting a tone that I hoped would say “I’ve been paying attention all along.” What were they even talking about? A decision on what, specifically? My eyes started to water. My hair stood on end. My core body temperature dropped. The content ...

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VuPoint Film & Slide Digital Converter - $39.99

Roll PlayerNow that my Bruce has passed on, it’s all the more important that I preserve the hundreds of rolls of film and slides of our time together.Oh, Bruce was a real shutterbug. The only thing he was more devoted to than that camera was his family. Holidays, business trips, at the park with the kids, or just a normal day around the house: my Bruce was always snapping away. It was like being married to a Japanese tourist. I wish I had a nickel for every nickel he spent at the Fotomat ...

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Vortex Portable Mixer – 2 Pack - $14.99

Impress The Girl With The Mousy HairThe Vortex is the most effective and powerful handheld drink mixer known to humankind. And from what our intelligence tells us, it could be the most powerful handheld mixer in the known Universe.Ever since ancient times, humankind has struggled to create a handheld drink mixer that would give us mastery of the cosmic secrets of Powered Mixology. Many brave mixolognauts have given their lives in this struggle. But now, finally, the secret is revealed. With ...

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Hoover Windtunnel Cyclonic Bagless Upright Vacuum - $59.99

Grime Does Not Pay!“You tell Hoover he’ll never take me alive! No vacuum cleaner on Earth can stop Dirty Boy Floord!”“Give yourself up, Floord! The carpet is surrounded! We know you’re hiding in there somewhere!” “Come and get me! I’m dug in down here, deep in the fibers! No way you’ve got the firepower to roust me!” “You’re wrong, Floord! Hoover’s called in the big guns! We’re talking about WindTunnel technology! And once you’ve been snared by that, the Cyclon ...

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Flush Light

Drive Home Safely EverybodyYou’re at the end of another woot off. Don’t forget to flush.Now some of you may be wondering why you’d need a Luminosity Toilet Flush Handle Night Light. Some of us were wondering the same thing. That’s why we’ve gone ahead and made a nice little list of the ways the Luminosity Toilet Flush Handle Night Light can change your life.Way Number One: The Luminosity Toilet Flush Handle Night Light helps you find the toilet handle.We’ve all done the sleepy s ...

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Erector Spykee The Spy Robot - $99.99

The ‘Bot Who Loved MeBreathless and disheveled, Hargreaves threw open the heavy paneled door. “Mr. N, sir! I’m sorry to interrupt you in your private quarters, but our analysts say we’ve been infiltrated by a robot spy!”Startled out of his lover’s arms, Mr. N sprung up from the couch and tried to straighten his clothes. At least he didn’t burst in here five minutes later, he thought sulkily. “Hello, what’s this? A robot spy? Hiding in the drapery or suchlike, I suppose? I ...

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Victory Wax Formula Auto Care Kit - $9.99

And We All Shine OnWhat combines the the happy glow of wax with the fun of a multiple step process? Victory Wax!Victory can’t be handed over. Victory is achieved. Earned, if you will. Victory comes through the application of a plan. The Victory Wax bundle is that plan, all wrapped up and sent to your door. Stage On: the first formulas take out those tiny scratches. Stage Two: a carnauba wax covering to keep out the damaging UV rays. Stage Three: Fast Finish and Winner Wax for day-to-day u ...

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Genie 1/2 HP Belt Drive Garage Door Opener

Easy as XYZ Well, after weeks and weeks of admonitions from my buttinsky neighbors, I finally went ahead and did it. I bought and installed a Genie garage door opener. I heard it from them pretty much every day. We’d run into each other at the mailbox, and in a conspiratorial whisper, they’d say “your garage door’s open.” I always pretended I was glad for the update, but really, so what if it was? A man’s home is his castle, of which he is king, and the positioning of the drawb ...

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Breville Cordless Immersion Blender with Recharging Base - $49.99

In Case You Don’t Love His Nuts“Oh, hello, Rick. Just in here cooking?”“That’s right, Mr. Thompson. Figured it would make a good impression to make dinner for you and your family. Which I hope to very much be a part of soon.” “Well, Rick, Jackie and I think the world of you, and we think that Betty seems very happy these days. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It takes a lot to impress me. Wait… is that salsa you’re making?” “Yes, sir. With the Breville XXBCS500X ...

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Clear2O Water Filtration Pitcher – 2 Pack - $14.99

A Thirst For VictoryPWHEEEET! OKAY, TAKE A KNEE! TAKE A KNEE, EVERYBODY, COACH IS TALKING! HEY, QUIET DOWN OR GET OUT! It’s all yours, Coach.“Okay, listen up! First of all, I’d like to welcome you to Day One of baseball camp. Now, we all know, not all of you are going to make it. I just want to say that there’s no shame in washing out of the program. It’s designed to be tough, to filter out up to 53 contaminants, leaving only the purest, most delicious parts behind. Did I just say ...

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HP Pavilion 17” Dual Core Entertainment Notebook w/ Blu-ray - $679.99

Ask A Thrash-Metal BandJoining us today to answer your electronics questions, please welcome Toxic Corpsacide, a totally shredding quintet from Lexington, KY!Dear Thrash-Metal Band, I love my new HP Pavilion 17” Entertainment laptop, especially the Blu-Ray player. But the display is not 1080p. Would you recommend using the HDMI port to play video through my big-screen TV? Harry D. in Michigan Dear Harry, Psychoworms, psychoworms, burrowing through your brain Psychoworms, psychoworms, driv ...

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Maximo iM-490 iMetal Isolation Stereo Earphones - $12.99

That Lucky, Lucky ShofarHappy New Year! There’s probably some phrase for that in Hebrew, which we don’t actually know. Bear with us, we’re in Texas.Okay, we know we’re a little early, but come sundown, you’re not supposed to be using the computer, right? We think that’s how it works. And that’s why we’re wishing you a Happy 5770 a few hours early, with the help of these Maximo iM-490 iMetal Isolation Earphones. To be fair, there’s a lot of your traditions we non-chosen typ ...

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Eton Voicelink FR1000 Self Powered Radio with NOAA, 2 Way GMRS, and Flashlight - $49.99

Now That’s What I Call Good EtonEverybody in the office was really impressed when I enthusiastically volunteered to be Emergency Committee Communications Officer. Suckers.My motto is, always call dibs on the easy job. My co-workers will be scrambling to fill sandbags, or open cans of dehydrated horsemeat hash, or fight off feral dogs, looters, terrorists, and zombies. All I have to do is crank up the Eton Voicelink FR-1000. Picture it: disaster! Calamity! Chaos! I spring into action. I’ ...

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Philips Prestigo 8-Device Universal Remote - $19.99

Prestigo Change-oNo one said this was going to be easyThis suuuucks! Why’s everything have to be such a (wheeze!) pain in the be-hind? I mean, it’s not the Middle Ages anymore! I shouldn’t be expected to bust my hump doing MANUAL LABOR every time I want the simplest thing! (Wheeze!) Like with this (wheeze!) Prestigo universal remote! What, every time I want to change the channel on my TV, or adjust the volume, or listen to the radio, or watch something from my DVR library, I have to p ...

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Orka Silicone 17” Oven Mitt – 2 Pack - $14.99

The Beginning Is A Very Delicate TimeKnow, then, it is the year 10,191. The universe is ruled by the Samosa Emperor. My father. Through him, with the blessing of the Guild, power comes from hot ovens which burn poorly covered hands. The covering comes from one place alone. Orkakis.“You gave your word to us,” said the third stage Guild dishwasher. “You said that Orkakis was secure.” What is he playing at? thought the Emperor. With so much at stake, it was an effort for the Emperor to ...

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Energizer Universal 18000 mAh Portable Battery Back and Charger - $99.99

The Greatest Athlete Ever FormedMAT: The air crackled with energy at the pre-fight weigh-in, where Smaq had some strong words for the Energizer Universal Battery Pack! Let’s roll the tape!SMAQ: I got more power in one of my fingertips than you got in all 15 of your tips. 18,000 mAh? You’re gonna be crying for your Ma by the time I get through with you. You’re gonna be doing an electric slide right into the loser’s circle. PIKE: Charged words indeed, Mat. MAT: And now, in this electr ...

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Gateway 1.8GHz QuadCore Media Center with HDMI - $289.99

People are always complaining that there’s nothing good on TVTo them, we say: Sure, not right NOW there isn’t.You just need to be watching at some other time! We suggest May 16th, 1996, when the Detroit Red Wings beat the St. Louis Blues in the second overtime of the seventh game of their playoff series. That’s good television! Or try any night from 1957 through 1963 when “Have Gun—Will Travel” was on. If you’re one of those poor, unfortunate schmucks who can’t travel throug ...

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Belkin Wireless G+ MIMO Router - $17.99

Downloading The MarigoldsIt’s not a bug. It’s a feature! A feature with many, many legs!Shhhh! The caterpillar is sleeping! At least that might be what you say the first time you get a look at this Belkin Wireless G/MIMO Router. With four 10/100 Base-T ports and a roughly 1000 foot range, the Belkin Wireless G/MIMO Router will be a great way to upgrade to a Wireless-G signal. But more than that, it’s cute! Look at that face! Those eye-like slits! The disinterested mouth! The adorable ...

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Invisio G5 Bluetooth Headset with Protective Charging Case - $29.99

Offer Not Available To 17-Year-OldsWell she was talking with her hands freeYou know what I meanAnd I just assumed she was talking to meHow could she talk to another?‘Cause I heard her standing thereWell she looked at meAnd said “Come party with me”“Over at the Council Youth Centre”She couldn’t be talking to anotherOh, when I heard her standing thereWell, I didn’t know the truthAbout her Invisio BluetoothSo I took her hand in mine, yeahOh she looked pretty surprisedAnd punched ...

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Power Sentry PowerSquid – 2 Pack - $9.99

Get Tentacled With the Squid SquadEverybody loves the Power Sentry PowerSquid. And why not? It’s everything I wish I was.They’re handy around the house while I just get in the way. They’re flexible; I’m rigid. They accommodate big, bulky “wall wart” plugs with no problemo, something I, to my everlasting embarrassment, have never figured out how to do. I’m so intolerant. But they’re as tolerant as a rainbow. And, though I’m always alone on a Friday night, these Power Squids ...

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Asus Eee PC 900 Netbook with Intel Mobile Processor

Whiblurple Power!Oh, here you go again, Asus, playing the color card. Why does everything have to be about black and white and purple with you?I dream of that distant day when all colors of Asus Eee PC 900 netbooks have intermingled so that they’re all the same beautiful color. Whiblurple, I call it. And we’ll see each other for our 8.9”, 1024×600 screens instead of the color of our cases. We’ll stop judging based on what’s outside and look at what’s inside, like our Intel 900 ...

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Dremel Multi-Max Oscillating Tool Kit - $59.99

Oscillate UsefullyFrom the first crash, the first screams, Herr Doktor Dremel knew that the thing they had all feared had come to pass. Multi-Max had escaped.With the din of chaos and terror roaring all around him, the aging scientist hobbled out of his hidden back-room laboratory and onto the main sales floor at Lowe’s. He must try to reason with his creation before it easily and cleanly destroyed them all! Following the distinctive whine of the Multi-Max’s motor toward the front of th ...

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Uniden 5.8GHz Dual Handset Digital Cordless Phone with Answering System - $19.99

Why it’s the Uniden Headset made the trouble, UnidenMade previous models obsolete, obsolete obsolete! Obsolete!Sure, we like the Uniden 5.8GHz dual handset digital cordless phone for all its newfangled features. We’re into Random Code digital security, IntegriSound, Distinctive Ringer customization and cetera. It’s all good, as the young people say. With something called “DirectLink mode,” for example, you can use this phone’s handsets like walkie-talkies! Isn’t that cool? Let ...

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DreamGear Audio Box with AM/FM Tuner & MP3 Connection - $7.99

The Next Big Thing Has A Smaller Thing InsideHannah Montana? Twilight? The Jonas Brothers? Hula Hoops? That’s all in the past! Everybody knows: the kids of today are all about Nesting!Russian nesting dolls are all the rage. But they can be so expensive, costing fifty, sixty, even as much as seventy thousand dollars! Plus there’s the shipping, and the import fees. And don’t forget the dockworker’s bribes! If only there was some way to enjoy nesting without all the cost. Well, now the ...

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Ridiculously Large 8-Device Universal Remote – 2 Pack - $4.99

Oversized Overstock Over Here“Wait a minute – who are you to be calling me jumbo? Look at you, with them big jumbo buttons! You’re so jumbo, when you wipe your butt, you have to take two buses to get there!”“Oh, no you DID NOT. Big old Paul Bunyan-looking remote calling ME jumbo? You’re so jumbo, your owner needs three hands to change the channel!” “Aw, I see how it is! You’re jealous of how I can control up to eight devices at once, huh? Must be why you’re running your ...

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M-Audio Recording Studio Equipment - $59.99

He’s A Left-Click HeroOut there, somewhere, is a kid. He’s standing in the rain, with his head down low. It’s a very crucial stage in his development. What if he doesn’t hear a single guitar? What if he hears something else?The kids right now, they’ve never known a world without sampling. Never known a world where there’s no such thing as a drum machine. They think disco is the new classic rock. You can pretend all you want to, but the genie isn’t going back in the bottle. We ...

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Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System - $129.99

Lad Men“How do we sell this ladder? Well, where does a ladder take us? Higher. It lifts us up. Just as Jacob climbed to Heaven, the ladder lets us climb above ourselves. Beyond… ourselves.”“No offense, Don, but I think we might be better off stressing the Little Giant Ladder’s multiple configurations. Whether you need a 4-foot stepladder or a 15-foot extension ladder, it’s easy to change its height.”“Isn’t that what we all want? To change, to try on another height, another ...

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Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player

Inglourious NapsterdsAn Open Letter To Quentin TarantinoDear Quentin,Okay, you’re pretty much a genius. And, when we say genius, we don’t mean genius like Picasso or the guy who invented the chocolate doughnut. We mean genius likeDJShadow or David Bowie. The kind of genius that knows how to take the good part out of thirty different movies and assemble one movie that’s nothing but a chain of good parts. And we want you to succeed, and to do even more stuff in the future! So we’re re ...

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iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum with Virtual Wall

Music by MortimerAn Improvised Song for the iRobot Roomba 530, Set to a Possibly Recognizable TuneRoom ba Room ba baRoom ba Room ba baDirt and grit and crumbsmuck and grime and scumStrewn across my kitchen floor on the linoleumCleaning doesn’t bug me though, it’s easy as can be‘Cause I own a robot that takes care of that for meHe’s calledRoom ba Room ba baRoom ba Room ba baIt scoots beneath my chairAnd sweeps up monkey hairWhen I watch TV, I shed, and fur piles up down thereRoomba ...

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Razer Salmosa Gaming Mouse - $19.99

Coming SoonSure, it looks nice. But will it work as promised? No, not the Razer Salmosa Gaming Mouse, we’re talking about Avatar.Hey. Hey, James Cameron’s investors. We know you’re sweating it right now. Seriously, it’s been years. And sure, the preview footage looks great. But… it’s not his money, you know? It’s yours. So we’d like to offer a few suggestions of what you can do in case Avatar fails at the box office and you lose your expensive, tailored shirts.First of all, ...

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Sony Blu-Ray 5.1 Home Theater System w/ Wireless Surround - $499.99

The Facts From A To ZSony, yesterday my movies sounded so much weaker / Sony, you changed my life with these golf ball-sized speakersOh, gone are the days of muddy, cruddy soundYour 5-point-1 love is in full surroundOh, Sony, with your Rays so BluI love youSony, thank you for the sunshine in 1080pSony, and your rear speakers’ wireless capabilityYou in my room, your sound filling it allSatellite speakers just a couple inches tallOh, Sony, sound and picture so trueI love youSony, thank you ...

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Energizer Hardcase Tactical Flashlight

Oh, A Hard Case, Eh?“Now, let me repeat: where were you on the morning of August 19th? Still not in the mood to talk? Maybe these brass knuckles’ll help break the ice. You can bet they’ll break something.”“McLeary, step outside for a word, will you?”“Yeah, fine. Don’t go anywhere, punk.”“Listen, McLeary, I don’t think the heavy routine is going to work with this guy.”“Who asked you, O’Gillicuddy? I must’ve taken 300 scumbags down into this room and gotten confe ...

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Build a Fort Kit – 2 Pack

We Even Named The Server StorkWe’ve got a brand new arrival in the family! Say happy birthday tokids.woot!All you parents, siblings, in-laws and people who have just been paying attention know that sometimes, even though they don’t mean to, the old baby can get jealous. After all, now that exclusive attention is being shared! That’s why, today, we’ve got this two pack of Build a Fort Kits for sale. To remind Woot.com that it’s still okay to be a kid now and then.Sure, everyone’s ...

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Microsoft Zune 30GB Digital Media Player - $79.99

The Wailing And Gnashing Of iTeethThousands of years ago, the ancient Mayans developed complex math, the science of astronomy, and an amazingly accurate calendar. Meanwhile one guy at Microsoft forgot all about leap years. It just goes to show you: the past is always better.Hey, naysayers. You think this Microsoft Zune 30GB Digital Media Player is a waste of money? You think you can still make jokes about thatworldwide Zune shutdown? Well, get this through your thick naysaying skull. The ne ...

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Two Slice Toaster - 2 Pack

About Last NightWant two sandwiches? Don’t want to wait? This two pack of Weatherworks CH6565 HomeCookin 2 Slice Toasters can provide four simultaneous pieces of toast. It’s like a dream come true!Hello? Hey, man, you’ll never believe this. No, I can’t talk much louder, I got lucky last night. Yeah, I did! Even better, there’s two of them! Twins! Yeah! I know, man, I know! They’re in the kitchen right now, so I can talk, but I can’t talk for long. They’re a two pack of Weath ...

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Westinghouse 14.1” Digital Photo Frame

Who Needs A DVD Player?It’s like a silver screen… except for the silver part.Family never understands. Friends never agree with you. You don’t need anyone. Just the film stars. They’ll keep you company.The Westinghouse 14.1” Digital Photo Frame has a strikingly large LCD display with 1280×800 resolution. Unlike other, smaller, lesser digital frames, the Westinghouse 14.1” Digital Photo Frame lets you see everything exactly how it was meant to be. Orson Welles in front of a ...

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Uniden 4 Handset 5.8GHz Cordless System with Digital Answering Machine - $49.99

And Let This Be A Lesson To The Rest Of YouHi, can I speak with BigD? Tell him it’s Kendog4. I… hello? Hello?Cut off. Huh. Well, maybe it’s a new receptionist or something. Guess BigD’s in a meeting or something, he’s always taken my calls before. At least I’m not in a hurry. I can just wander around my house, thanks to my Uniden 4 Handset 5.8GHz Phone. Maybe I’ll stop by the sewing room and make a few sockpuppets. Those always come in handy. And it’s fun to sew on the butto ...

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Pro-Form Precision Trainer XT Heart Rate Monitor with Chest Strap

Love, Reign O’er MeThe heart is the stupidest part of the body. You can’t trust it. It lies. The heart tells you that you can’t live without that axe maniac and that he’s just misunderstood. The heart tells you to quit your job and move across the country for that stripper you’ve known for just a half hour. The heart tells you that it’ll be easy to clean the rust off that car and it’ll be no trouble at all. Is it any wonder the damn thing breaks so often? A Pro-Form Precision ...

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Circupool 45,000 Gallon Salt Water Pool Conversion System

NaCL TimeCaptain’s Record: Spacedate 25r624. My first officer has begun acting very strangely. I’ve called him into my office for a discussion. I hope we can figure out what’s gone wrong.“Captain. You requested my presence.” “Yes, Mr. Alien. Word is, you’ve been having a little trouble around the ship. Changing duty rosters, rescheduling time off, it all seems to be based around you and the CircuPool 45,000 Gallon Salt Water Pool Conversion System. We’ve sent word to your p ...

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EZYFlare Roadside Flare – 2 Pack

Two Pieces of FlareEvildoers beware! Let it be known that Sunset Circle Estates and surrounding subdivisions are now under the protection of America’s newest costumed hero, the mighty…uh, I’ll get back to you about the name.Sgt. Dazzle? Orange Blinder? The Squintifier? It’s a big decision, so I don’t want to rush it. All I’m sure of is that when I do settle on my superheroic moniker, it has to (1) strike fear into the hearts of miscreants and megalomaniacs, and (2) have somethin ...

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Mother’s Day 10” Miniature Rose Bush in Terracotta Pot

We never promised you a miniature rose bush. Before today.Unless you live with your Mom - which, whatever, we're not judging - remember to change the "Where Should We Send This?" address when you order.What can we say about your dear mother—a woman so fat, we swerved to avoid her and ran out of gas? Naw, dog, we’re just playin’. Once a year, it’s important to take a moment and acknowledge the woman who raised you. (AND NOT MORE FREQUENTLY THAN THAT, MOMMA’S BOY.)Maybe she was no H ...

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Philips Upconverting DVD Player with DivX and HDMI

All The Madagascar Jokes Have Been MadeThe Swine Flu. It’s coming. It’s coming for your children and your parents. It’s coming for your co-workers and your acquaintances. And worst of all, it’s coming for your swine.Like some nightmare scenario ripped from the mind of a NAFTA hating pharmacist, the Swine Flu is crawling up from our Southern border. No longer can we snuggle bacon to our chest or share our ham sandwiches with strangers. It is clear that, if you want to live through th ...

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Soundmatters MainStage HD HiFi Theatre Console

They called him an animalThey wanted a piece of him—now they’re going to get more than just a little BIT People, let me clue you in. You don’t need a big, fancy multi-speaker high-definition console to fill your media room with sound. Oh, suuure, that’s what the online deal-a-day gadget-mongers will tell you. They’ll try to push a system like the SoundMatters MainStage on you, touting its built-in amplifiers and digital processing capabilities. And—OK, yes, I concede that the Ma ...

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Pure Digital Flip Ultra Series F260 Camcorder

Rockin’ The House“Oh, boy, am I glad that I had this Pure Digital Flip Ultra Series 60 Minutes Video Camcorder ready today! Wow!”“This is real mature, Jack. Real mature.” “Here, wanna watch it? Ahahahahaha! There it is! The look! Hahahahahaha! Let’s watch it again! Ahahahahaha!” “You’re supposed to be my brother, Jack. We’re supposed to have empathy. Two of a kind, you and me. We gotta look out for each other. Why would you do something like this? Why would you take ...

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DuPont Self-Charging Smoke Alarm - Three Pack

For Three-Alarm FiresAs curator of the National Oily Rag & Vintage Space Heater Museum, I have no choice but to take fire safety very seriously.Despite our name, there’s a lot more under our roof than just oily rags and vintage space heaters. Did you know that we’re home to the nation’s largest collection of turkey deep-fryers? Furthermore, our new Stacks Of Old, Brittle Newspaper Wing is scheduled to open in Fall 2009. All I have to do is forget to change the batteries in our smoke a ...

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HP Touchsmart Core 2 Duo All-in-One PC with 22" Touchscreen - $649.99

In This Case, HP Stands For “Hamantha Pox”Hey, at least she had one hit. That’s one more than you’ll ever have.Full moon in the city And I was on Woot I was hungry for love I was hungry for USB ports I was checking the specs And they looked adequate When I saw “4GB DDR2” I didn’t mean to hesitate This is the night This is the night This is the time you’ve got to buy it, right? (this is the night) TouchScreen, TouchScreen Want you to feel my LCD Your electricity charging me ...

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MyVu Solo Plus Personal Media Viewer

I Do, MyVuI didn’t think that expanding the legal definition of marriage would particularly affect my life. How wrong I was.I just never gave the issue much thought. As far as I was concerned, states could let whoever get married that they wanted to. Or not. Or whatever. Just don’t make me have to think about it. I got hockey games to watch, you know? But then a couple of states passed laws expanding marriage rights. And almost immediately, I started to become aware of some new feeling ...

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iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum with Virtual Wall

Meet the Floormasters Hey, that’s show business Gian Goulashi (radio host and runner-up, All-Canada Jimmy Fallon Lookalike Search, 2006): “A Whole New Me” is the name of the first album by the Floormasters, who join us in the studio today. If the name Floormasters sounds vaguely familiar, it might be because their principal songwriter, singer and lead triangle player is the iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum, known to many as the most efficient robot vacuum on the market, able to ...

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Thermor BIOS Wireless Weather Station For PC

We’re Gonna Take It All Back In A Few DecadesSome days you look around and think, “You know, Logan’s Run had it right”. It’s raining. It’s pouring. The old man is snoring. But what if the old man can’t sleep? Or what if he, God forbid, dies? He’s an old man, after all. And sleep apnea can sometimes be a sign of obesity and poor health. The Thermor BIOS Weather Station For PC is the 21st Century way to look out of the window. It’s like the old man… on steroids! And we me ...

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Vector FM and NOAA Weather Alert Radio with Flashlight- 2 Pack - $19.99

The Deuce of HazardBLEEP BLEEP BLEEP This is the Emergency Broadcast System. A train has derailed near the intersection of Highway 74 and River Bottom Road, possibly while transporting biohazardous material. Please avoid the area and wait for further instructions.BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPThis is the Emergency Broadcast System. At least one chemical car has ruptured in the derailment near Highway 74 and River Bottom Road. Authorities are asking citizens to evacuate the city of Oatboro and the rest o ...

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Philips amBX Premium Gaming Kit with Tom Clancy's HAWX PC Game

And Don’t Sue Us If You Have A Seizure While Playing GTA FourWe know what it’s like. People don’t understand.They took your friend out to dinner when his wife left him, but they just laughed when you tried to talk about the end ofShadow Of The Colossus. They pinned a medal on that quiet marine down the block, but when you asked him if he unlocked all the Force powers they treated you like a child. Gaming might be the highest form of art that the world has ever created, yet people stil ...

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Able Planet Clear Harmony Active Noise Canceling Headphones with Linx Audio - $39.99

Cancellation PrizeI used to enjoy a good beat and a catchy melody just like anybody else. That was before these Able Planet headphones showed me the truth.Yes, not so long ago you’d find me mindlessly bobbing my head along to the latest pop hits just like anybody else on the #34 bus. I didn’t see any harm in it. I didn’t see that my pop music addiction was destroying me. But then, a slave never sees his chains. OK, yeah, most slaves do. But I was going for shock value with that metaph ...

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Apple 8GB 4th Generation iPod Nano

Nano, No NoNOTICE TO ALL WOOT EMPLOYEESFrom: The Big Boss Man Re: Today’s iPod Nano Sale People, I’m extremely disappointed. I thought we were all on the same page. Answer me this: What is Woot? Who are we, as a company? No, don’t actually answer, you soft-headed ninnies. It’s rhetorical. I’ll tell you who we are. We’re that site that sells the cheap junk. Right? At least that’s how I thought of us. And I and a lot of your colleagues have worked extremely hard for a long time ...

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Digital Photo Converter

Burn The TapesTranscript: Oval Office Recording Tapes, May 13, 1971. 10:30 am.RN: Listen, the point I’m trying to make is that you don’t [expletive deleted] go on national television and start talking about a [REDACTED] Digital Photo Converter like it was any other item. We all know people use these, uh, uh, uh, [REDACTED] Digital Photo Converters, we’re all weak, you know. But what do you think that tells kids? [Expletive deleted], John, you can’t use a [REDACTED] Digital Photo Con ...

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Apple iPod 30GB Video - $99.99

And You Can’t Bake It In A Pie EitherIn case your monitor can’t display pictures, or you’re black-white colorblind, or you’ve never seen an iPod before, let’s make this clear: this iPod comes with white earbuds and white earbuds only.We say this to pre-empt another ugly situation like the one we had with Millard, the customer who demanded satisfaction after we had the temerity to send white earbuds with his black iPod. Not mollified by the fact that Apple only makes white earbuds, ...

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Woot-Off Lights with Screaming Monkey

Last One Out Get The LightsThat’s it, we’re done. Thanks for coming.Well, we all did it again. Another woot-off over. Remember all the happy moments we shared? How Jason got up on the counter and did a kegstand? When Matthew threw a brick at Dave and everyone laughed? When Scott decided to drink all the wine by himself to help end the detour, and then he had to go get his stomach pumped? Or how about when superspryte said that thing about Japan? These are the days we’ll treasure when ...

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HP Pavilion 17" AMD Dual-Core 2.1GHz Entertainment Notebook - $549.99

Gamble A $549 StampHey, PENCILNECK! Tired of watching the MUSCLE-MEN get all the girls? Nobody wants to go on a date with a bag of BONES!Wouldn’t it be great if you could bulk up your disgustingly SPINDLY legs and SUNKEN chest into a real “HE-MAN” physique – the kind that women and certain men find IRRESISTIBLE? Don’t you long for the day you start looking like a RUGGED man of action instead of a Somalian FAMINE VICTIM? It makesme sick to even think of you READING this – imagine ...

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G.E. DECT 6.0 Cordless Phone with 7" LCD Picture Frame

Mean Girls“What’s wrong, Jolene? Why are you crying?”“Oh, Pamela! No one came to my party and I don’t know why! I think it’s because of my name. People think every Jolene is sleazy or something.”“What? That’s ridiculous!”“You mean people don’t think that?”“No, everybody thinks that, it’s just not why people stayed away from your party. I mean, it’s a party, you know, of course you’d want the slutty girl there!”“But I’m not a-”“Jolene, I think the ...

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Funko Star Wars Bobble Heads – 6 Pack - $29.99

These Might Be The Desk Decorations You’re Looking ForOh, Star Wars bobbleheads. I couldn’t have made it through all the difficulties of the last year without you.First, it was losing Jenna in the accident. I’ll always regret that our last conversation was an argument. She told me to get rid of my Star Wars bobblehead collection. She said you guys creeped her out and I should sell you on eBay. Don’t hold it against her, but she never wanted me to buy you in the first place – espec ...

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Pure Digital Flip Ultra Series F260 Camcorder

The Play’s The Thing(Enter GHOST and HAMLET.)HAMLET Where wilt thou lead me? speak; I’ll go no further. GHOST Mark me. HAMLET I will. GHOST My hour is almost come, When I to sulphurous and tormenting flames Must… hang on, what is that? HAMLET A camcorder. GHOST Film me not, but lend thy serious hearing To what I shall unfold. HAMLET Dude; I have to vlog this. GHOST Rather vlog of revenge, when thou shalt hear. HAMLET What? GHOST I am thy father’s spirit, Doom’d for a certain term ...

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Grundig G4 World Recorder FM/AM/Shortwave Portable Radio with MP3 and SD Player

Radio Cheap AmericaWhen the strapping farmboy guerrillas in the Wolverines turned on their radio and heard that John had a long mustache, they damn sure weren’t listening to NPR.That was shortwave radio, buddy. Cheap, battery-powered, and worldwide. For decades, it’s been used for transmissions by hobbyists, spies, evangelists, and legitimate news networks like the BBC World Service and Voice of America. And it helped save our star-spangled butts inRed Dawn.Oh, sure, people say that mov ...

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Hawk Scout Aqua Scooter

Just In Time For SummerWe hear you, swimmers. We understand, houseboat owners.It’s not fair, we know. Those landlubbers get to zip all around their parks on Segways and rocket-powered laser skis, while you have to exert all of your muscles just to make it to the corner store for a pint of milk. And there aren’t even any corners in the ocean. That can make it even worse! There’s got to be a better way!Well, now there is. The Hawk SH-150.1 Scout Aqua Scooter is your ticket to lazy, unhe ...

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Garrity 1 Watt Pivoting Luxeon LED Headlamp - $9.99

Feel Light-HeadedDo you ever feel like you’re just another forehead in the crowd?You know you’ve got to get noticed to get anywhere in life. But all too often, people look right past you like you’re a piece of furniture. And not a hip Scandinavian piece of furniture. More like a faux-colonial Ethan Allen end table. And nobody ever made a faux-colonial end table Vice-President of Acquisitions, or gave it its own DJ night. You’ve stopped wearing that shirt that matches the wallpaper, ...

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Stanley 20 Piece Socket Set - 2 Pack

They Grew Up Fast In Those DaysHello, everyone. Today we’ve got a special treat!Our Staff Translator has found an original copy ofThe Story Of Goldilocks And The Three Bears, and he’s translated it from the original German, with no edits or changes. We’re hoping you enjoy this rare look at a classic fairy tale as it was designed to be read. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we shall begin.Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young girl named Goldilocks. She liked to spend her days ...

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iRobot Looj Gutter Cleaning Robot - $39.99

Looj Cannon I was happy to notice a marked improvement in the color, consistency, and bouquet of my stool. But not as happy as if I’d been in the bathroom at the time. What medical problem was I enduring? Why was I on the roof? What was Sen. Robert Menendez (R-New Jersey) doing there? And why was he crying? I’ve already told the judge and the jury the answers to all those questions. Consult the transcripts if you really need to know. The important thing is, when I really needed it, the ...

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Canon ZR950 MiniDV Camcorder - $149.99

You gettin’ Canonized, broHey, a movie! Wow! It’s gonna be terrific—starring everybody who has ever wronged me, everBaby’s first steps. Your sister’s wedding. Junior’s state championship game. These are the moments worth capturing. But let’s not go overboard with the sentimental stuff, OK? If you really want to perfect this sweet-and-sour pork platter we call life, it takes a little acerbity. Why not tape, for example, those kids on the four-wheelers who’re always tearing a ...

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Samsung Bluetooth Headset

Once Upon A TimeHi, Ingrid. It’s Heidi. No, nothing special. Just calling to say hello.Oh, you probably hear the wind. I’m outside, minding the goats. It’s such a lovely day, I figured I’d use my Samsung WEP210 Bluetooth Headset and get some air. No, it’s not bad at all. It only weighs nine grams and has a thirty foot range. I get about five hours of talk time as well. Oh, no, the baby’s at day care. Well, not really day care. It’s kinda… well, okay. There’s this evil dwar ...

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Egana National Geographic Watch

Look At That Fossil, It’s Stuck Over There In the Tar Wondrous in its variety and remarkably well-adapted to its habitat, the Egana National Geographic Watch is truly a marvel of nature. Or it would be, if it wasn’t man-made. But our expedition didn’t let qualms like that deter us from our mission: to observe and catalog these fascinating creatures in their natural habitat. None of us were sure what to expect that day as we set off from the 19th street subway station in search of our ...

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Kingston 8GB Class 4 SDHC Card– 2 Pack - $19.99

Throw Out The One With The Teeny GoateeWe’ve read a lot of books and we’ve seen a lot of TV. That means we think there’s something you should know.Before you buy this two pack of Kingston SD4/8GB 8GB SDHC Class 4 Flash Cards, we want to give you a warning. You already know that you’ll be getting two identical flash cards. Cards so exactly the same, you might think they’re twins. That’s right, twins. Which means it’s almost certain that one of them will be evil.This isn’t an ...

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Skil 7.2-Volt 1/4" Drive Cordless Power Wrench - $17.99

The Whole World Is Laughing! The Whole World Is Laughing!Security guards may not enter! This food court is liberated territory!¡No pasaran! ¡No pasaran!We, the patrons of the Glenwood Lakes Galleria, have occupied this food court out of solidarity with our oppressed brothyrs and systyrs atNew York University. Just as the great struggles of the 19th century were waged in factories, so is the food court the crucible of 21st-century revolution. From the Sbarro to the Cold Stone Creamery, let ...

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Polaroid i1035 10MP Digital Camera with 3” LCD

Unmissed ConnectionsHi Stephanie! Andy here, from high school! Can you believe it’s been 18 years since we graduated? Those were some wild times, huh?Isn’t the Internet amazing? I spent all those years trying to find you and in five minutes on Friendbook, there you are! Remember the badger? Ha ha! I heard Mr. Zeller retired from teaching like two years later. He was pretty much a broken man. It wasn’t so much the bite itself as the series of painful rabies shots that did it. Man, that ...

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Ed Hardy 1:12 Scale RC Car - $39.99

It’s Really Just A Population Control ThingOnce upon a time, in a magical land known as Texas, there was a little armadillo named Kevin, who was kind and good and worked in an office.Each afternoon, Kevin would walk out of his office and head to the cafeteria, whistling a happy song.“What’s the special today, Kevin?” asked the friendly badger who kept track of paper clips and pens. “I hear the mahi mahi’s really good!” said the cheerful dolphin that handled the accounting issu ...

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Ashley Rock Axe Full Size Rockband and Guitar Hero Controller for PS2 and PS3 - $49.99

Real Heroes Never DieThe repairman sighed. This was the part of the job he hated.“Well, I’ve examined your guitar, Mister…Shredd, is it?”“You know it, dude,” the bandanna-clad rocker replied. “Jonni Shredd, king of the wild fretboard, baddest axe-fiend in the history of the north-central Delaware metal scene. So how’s my Angelyque, Doc?”“Well, I don’t quite know how to say this. But it’s as bad as we feared. It seems that all of her innards have been – well – rip ...

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Dirt Devil Kurv Cordless Vacuum Cleaner - $19.99

No, Baby, We Were At Sellout.Woot’s House Last NightThere comes a time in every website’s life when it no longer wants to be at the club every night. When it wants to settle down. Or at least, you know, think about it for a day or so.Hey, Kari. We’ve been thinking about you. Ever since we found out we were 64% compatible you’ve been all we could think about. That pink background. Those glasses. Don’t pay any attention to @jmoriarty. He’s just mad about what happened at the bar t ...

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PowerSquid - 2 Pack

Total Inventory Lisquidation”Grab your chum-bucket!” I heard Pa call. “The squids is a-runnin’!” Heart racing, I pulled on my rubber boots, snatched up my gear, and ran down to the tidal pools to meet him. Oh, the squids were thick as nasty pudding that day. The beach was a glittering carpet of their weird, jiggling bodies. I saw all different kinds: There were Common Five-Legged PowerSquids, Yellow-Tips, even the occasional Great White 1080-Joule Squid. There were qray squids, bl ...

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Kodak 7” Digital Picture Frame with Quick Touch Border - $39.99

Worth A Thousand TearsThe nights wouldn’t hurt so much if I could just get the pictures out of my head.Sherryl with her boyfriend at the mall, one of her hands holding a cinnamon Auntie Anne’s, the other one wrapped around his arm. Sherryl in those salmon bib overalls I always liked, waiting for someone (who?) outside an office building downtown. Sherryl picking up towels from the dry cleaner. I just can’t stop them flashing before my eyes, each one a little twist of the knife. Someti ...

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Medisana Back Pain Relief System

Current TimeStep right up, ladies and gentlemen, step right up – even if your back hurts while you’re doing it!That momentary pain will seem but a tickle once you’ve experienced the miraculous healing power of the super-scientific electro-automatic transcutaneous Medisana HWR6500 Back Pain Relief System! This auspicious apparatus relieves pains of the lower back and environs without recourse to elixirs, potions, or leeches! No unpalatable pills! No loose stools or sexual dysfunction! ...

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Ion Audio Portable USB Turntable - $49.99

All Sales Are VinylPut the needle on the record put the needle on the record put the needle on the record…Excavating the crates at my favorite vinyl emporia has left me a little light on lettuce this week, so I had to go begging to Mom when I saw this portable USB turntable on Woot. I explained how, at only fifty greenbacks, I’d be able to pay her back with the proceeds from just ten nights of deejaying. And really she’d be investing in my career. Of course she starts in immediately w ...

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Ion Audio Portable USB Turntable

All Sales Are VinylPut the needle on the record put the needle on the record put the needle on the record…Excavating the crates at my favorite vinyl emporia has left me a little light on lettuce this week, so I had to go begging to Mom when I saw this portable USB turntable on Woot. I explained how, at only fifty greenbacks, I’d be able to pay her back with the proceeds from just ten nights of deejaying. And really she’d be investing in my career. Of course she starts in immediately w ...

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RECARO Como Convertible Carseat

By The Seat Of Our PanicAnd now, for anxious parents (is there any other kind?): 5 reasons it’s OK to buy a car seat model that was once recalled…1. The actual seat you’ll be buying was repaired before it ever left the factory. It seems there was some possibility that the harness on the RECARO Como 331.01.MM could possibly have become disconnected from the harness connector while placing a child in or removing a child from the seat. It never actually happened in real life, but it mayb ...

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RECARO Como Convertible Carseat

By The Seat Of Our PanicAnd now, for anxious parents (is there any other kind?): 5 reasons it’s OK to buy a car seat model that was once recalled…1. The actual seat you’ll be buying was repaired before it ever left the factory. It seems there was some possibility that the harness on the RECARO Como 331.01.MM could possibly have become disconnected from the harness connector while placing a child in or removing a child from the seat. It never actually happened in real life, but it mayb ...

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Garrity 1 Watt Luxeon® LED Spotlight - 2 Pack

And Yet, It Moves Physical Law As Observed Through Manipulation Of The Garrity KS200 1 Watt LED Spotlight by the 4th Grade Boys of Mr. Gilchrist’s Class Introduction: The project was undertaken to test the theory that the Garrity KS200 1 Watt Luxeon® LED Spotlight is the lightest, brightest spotlight on the market with a non-slip rubber pistol grip. Hypothesis: That the Garrity Luxeon® LED Spotlight will prove to be a useful accessory for a car, boat or home that requires light ...

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Garrity 1 Watt Luxeon® LED Spotlight - 2 Pack

And Yet, It Moves Physical Law As Observed Through Manipulation Of The Garrity KS200 1 Watt LED Spotlight by the 4th Grade Boys of Mr. Gilchrist’s Class Introduction: The project was undertaken to test the theory that the Garrity KS200 1 Watt Luxeon® LED Spotlight is the lightest, brightest spotlight on the market with a non-slip rubber pistol grip. Hypothesis: That the Garrity Luxeon® LED Spotlight will prove to be a useful accessory for a car, boat or home that requires light ...

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Casio Exilim 9MP Digital Camera

Choose Your Own Point SpreadGreetings, gridiron enthusiasts, mid-level advertising executives, hot-wing addicts, and jockstrap fanciers!Congrats, (Pittsburgh/Arizona) fans, on your (unprecedented sixth/first-ever) supervictory! Some game tonight, huh? Of course, we wrote this long before the (Steel Curtain/Big Red) took the trophy in a (nail-biting, heart-stopping thriller that will go down in history/dull blowout that nobody will remember by March). But as diehard fair-weather fans, we’r ...

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eMachines 2GHz Widescreen Notebook with Linux

Let The Right Ones In So you know, this notebook comes loaded with an OS that isn't very usable. We recommend installing Ubuntu, or any OS you like. If you’ve got skills, have at it. If not, have a drink.Notebooks, man. Everybody’s going to want one this year. Everybody. You, me, the guy at the deli, the entire cast of “How I Met Your Mother,” everybody. For real. It’s going to be the Year of the Notebook! You heard it here first. OK, so do you know what that means? I’ll tell y ...

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USB Missile Launcher – 2 Pack - $34.99

Who Says Conflict Resolution Has To Be Boring?Emily, this email might seem bizarre, but so is that unflattering low-cut top you’re wearing. (You know, you really need a little more up front to pull off that look.)We’ve never talked about it, but we both know it. The “helpful” corrections of each other’s weekly reports. The backhanded compliments about each other’s shoes. The suggestions for low-calorie recipes we exchange at every company meal. I’m sure to the rest of the offi ...

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Philips 42” 1080p LCD HDTV

A Clear Picture…Of Madness?Peer into the future…the crisp, vivid hi-definition future…it’s hard to tell through the mystic fog, but trust us, it looks great.Hmmm…this email from my friend Trent says if I grab the book nearest to me, turn to page 47, and read the 6th line, it’ll tell me my fortune. Huh. Sounds fun, I guess. But I’m sitting right next to my bookcase, so they’re all equally near to me. I’ll just grab one at random…let’s see…page 47, 6th line, here it is ...

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Wolfking Warrior Game Pad Keyboard - $15.99

Bachelor KeypadDo I like Wolfking Warriors? I don’t know, I’ve never wolfked a warrior before.Melissa: So, how’d it go last night? I want details, girl! Angie: Well…it was great! He was great! I was great! Everything was great! Melissa: So what’s he like? Angie: He’s, he’s so…different. I mean, good different. He’s got this cute round body and this ergonomic layout, and he’s so precise and quick. He looks great in any color – blue, white, green, pink, red, whatever. An ...

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iRobot Roomba 415 with Bonus Charging Dock and Filter Pack

Are We Roomba Or Are We Dancer?The home of today isn’t about chocolate brown carpets and bronze Zodiac signs. But trends can change in a heartbeat! You need an emotionless friend who will never judge. Especially you, @erinannie.Cleaning? You didn’t do it when you were six, you’re sure not going to start now. Besides, you need that free time to shop for white belts and to learn how to be quirky and ironic. Doing things like playing Sheena Easton’s “Sugar Walls” on a hammered dulc ...

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Polaroid High Definition Digital Camcorder

The Player Be careful what you ask for. You might get it. Kyle, wait. Wait. I can’t relax.” “What? What is it? I thought you were-” “No, it’s not you, really. It’s just… I feel like we’re being watched.” “Watched? That’s crazy! There’s no one here but me and you, baby.” “I know, Kyle, but I can’t help but… wait… do you see that?” “See what, baby?” “Kyle, is that… Oh my God! Kyle! Is that a Polaroid High Definition Digital Camcorder sittin ...

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Philips 47" 1080p 120Hz LCD HDTV with Perfect Pixel HD Engine - $899.99

I Ain’t Saying She’s A Gold-DiggerWith 47 inches of full HD majesty and picture-enhancing features like Natural Motion and Perfect Pixel, there’s no better escape hatch from your desperate, unfulfilling life.OK, baby, OK. First, let me say, I’m sorry I made you throw that hairdryer at me by offering you that crappy TV the other day. I should know better by now. You’re accustomed to living a certain lifestyle. A special lady like you needs a certain level of TV to be happy. I get i ...

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HP Pavilion 2GHz Dual Core Entertainment Tablet - $699.99

A Little Spanish FleaYou spend your whole life looking for the right one, and then, just when you give up, there it is. On sale.Welcome to Techluv, where we put the up in upgrade! I’m your host, Pep Winklemore! As you know, the name of the game is to let one lucky lady pick out her favorite from three lucky pieces of technology. And today she’ll be choosing between a HP Pavilion tx2525nr Entertainment Tablet PC, a brand new cutting edge IdonIs, and one of those old handhe ...

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Sandisk Clip 1GB MP3 Player

Hello and welcome to Village Towne Landing, the tri-county area’s premier apartment community for young professional singles! We hope you’re as excited to move in as we are to have you. To get the most out of your new apartment home, please familiarize yourself with the following community policies and procedures. HOUSEKEEPING: It’s important that Village Towne Landing offer a sanitary environment to every resident. Excessive filth encourages disease, pests, and immorality. Therefore, ...

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Lockjaw Self-Adjusting Locking Pliers - 2 Pack

Lockjaw Self-Adjusting Locking Pliers 2 Pack is done with Friendbook forever. I hate you all. 3 minutes ago Lockjaw Self-Adjusting Locking Pliers 2 Pack is watching the video of myself crying that my cruel roommate put on YouTube and hoping everybody has a good laugh over my misery. 9 minutes ago Lockjaw Self-Adjusting Locking Pliers 2 Pack is wondering who hid a webcam in my bedroom. 12 hours ago Lockjaw Self-Adjusting Locking Pliers 2 Pack is crying. 12 hours ago Lockjaw Self-Adjus ...

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Oster 12 Bottle Wine Cellar - $69.99

As a frequent patron of the Internet’s greatest twice-weekly wine deal site, I’ve amassed a massive mass of bottlebound inebriants. My little glass friends roll in faster than I can drink them, which for me is saying something since I’ve already had two liver transplants, with a third scheduled for Fall 2009. And ever since my ferret tore up the styrofoam cooler that served as my “wine cellar”, I’ve had nowhere to store the bottles except on the floor of my garage. Now, t ...

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Gyration Gyroscopic Media Center Mouse/Remote - 2 Pack

OK, turns out the GyroTransport Air Mouse is not, as we had fervently hoped, a robotic bat that will bring you gyros. Ah, well—live and learn to read the product descriptions. The bad thing about this little misunderstanding is that we were REALLY HUNGRY for gyros when we ordered these, so we ordered a LOT of them. Or, as they say on the internet, “alot” of them. You know how you’re not supposed to do your grocery shopping before you’ve eaten? That’s because you’ll go off ...

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Slacker 8GB WiFi Internet Radio Player with 40 Stations

With the end of another year comesanother slew of music critics’ “best of” lists. And, of course, another reminder that your tenuous claim to musical coolness is getting more and more implausible. Rather than face the undeniable fact that your Stone Temple Pilots and Naughty By Nature CDs have long since ceased to be “new music”, you shake a tiny, aging fist at “the crap people listen to nowadays.” You retreat into your arid little cocoon, where nobody will have the teme ...

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Philips 5 Outlet PowerSquid - $3.99

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all the presents were hid. Not a creature was stirring, not even a squid. The lights were all plugged into an old powerstrip When click! – uh-oh! The strip’s surge protector tripped. I threw the switch to bring the lights back on But it had no effect. The strip’s power was gone. Our tree was still dark, the lights no longer glowed; So I ran out and drove my Accord through the snow. The first place I stopped – it was Walgreen’s, I think - Cou ...

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HP Photo Books – 2 Pack

I guess most people will use these two HP Photo Book kits to create their own slick-looking photo albums full of snapshots of their kids or their vacation or their drunken bridesmaids. Nothing wrong with that. But as season-ticket holders to the Wahonkuset Valley Tri-County Repertory Theater are well aware, I am not “most people.” Most people look at a situation and say “why?”, but I say “why not use this to draw more attention to myself?” It’s just a gift I was born with. So ...

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Pinnacle PCTV HD Mini Stick for Mac and PC

In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean it was very cold and lonely. It was so far from land that not even a single Pinnacle PCTV HD Mini Stick for Mac and PC could be found. Christmas was three days away. Quietly, a submarine floated just below the waterline. The periscope looked out into the wide open sky. “Hullo, periscope!” said the friendly dolphin, poking her head from beneath the waves. “Knew you’d be here!” “Why, hullo, dolphin!” replied the periscope with great cheer. ...

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Pentax Optio A40 12MP Digital Camera

ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS THEN POST THEM AS YOUR STATUS AND TELL FIVE FRIENDS TO DO THE SAME OR TEN FRIENDS OR WHATEVER IT’S NOT LIKE ANYBODY’S ENFORCING THESE DIRECTIONS ANYWAY LOL 1) WHATS FOR BREAKFAST? A rechargeable D-LI8 lithium ion battery. 2) WHAT WAS YOUR LAST DREAM YOU REMEMBER? I was crammed into somebody’s pocket with some loose change and a bobby pin, then I realized the bobby pin was actually my 6th grade girlfriend and I wasn’t wearing any pants. 3) SAY 3 WORDS THAT SAY ...

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Matsunichi PhotoBlitz 8” Digital Picture Frame

Baby look I’ve got A digital snapshot You ain’t seen the rest of them though Take some time to watch the slideshow right here I got photographs To make you weep and laugh Here’s one that I took of my cat Ain’t she cute? Look at that Right there on my frame (Frame!) I’m gonna play you my slideshow I’m gonna play mp3s Please You’ll be impressed that a guy’d show Photos as moving as these (Frame!) This thing has got built-in speakers It is an excellent frame (Frame!) I’m gonn ...

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JVC Everio 30GB Digital Camcorder with 1.07MP CCD and 32X Optical Zoom - $299.99

Woe befell us, foulest luck Were finally done packing that truck Greek Chorus! I wondered where youd been. They had you at the warehouse, huh? Hey, did you hear about the JVC Everio 30GB Digital Camcorder with 1.07MP CCD and 32 Optical Zoom? We know not of that which we there see Whats on the side there, HDD? Dont let that HDD on the side fool you, Greek Chorus. Thats not HDTV. It refers to the hard drive built into the camera. The Everio doesnt need tapes or other recording media bec ...

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Marshmallow Popper

The tastiest weapon in the world is a wooter and his Marshmallow Popper. It is your sweet tooth which must be harnessed if you expect to survive combat in the hellholes of Candyland! If your sweet tooth is not sharp and strong, you will hesitate at the moment of truth. The enemys marshmallows will hit you first! You will become sticky wooters and then you will be in a world of chocolate because wooters are not allowed to get sticky without permission! Do you gummi maggots understand? Tonig ...

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Pinnacle PCTV HD Ultimate Stick

By now, youve seen the dire warning scrolling across a sitcom, police drama, or B-list dance-off near you: regular over-the-air TV broadcasts will end in February 2009, you need a digital receiver or converter so you dont miss a single belly-laugh on According to Jim, etc. What this really says to us is dont bother with the converter box just throw your analog TV away. For real, man. Receiving analog TV signals was the one thing regular TVs could do better than computers. Now theyl ...

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Lyon by Washburn Electric Guitar with 5 Watt Amp and Instructional DVD

Youve heard the roar of the crowd as you executed a face-melting solo! Youve felt the magic and majesty of your killer riffs pummeling an entire stadium into submission! And you did it all without knowing how to play a note of guitar! Now, from the people who inspired gaming sensations like Guitar Hero and Rock Band, comes the ultimate in realistic guitar-playing action: the Lyon Electric Guitar and 5-Watt Amp by Washburn! Double-coil humbucker pickups, a rosewood fingerboard, a hardwood ...

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Slacker 2GB WiFi Internet Radio Player with 15 Stations - $49.99

So this Slacker Portable Radio promises to help me discover newmusic, huh? Who cares? Why do I need to hear new music when I already own the one album that encapsulates all that is rock n roll and, indeed, human creativity itself? I speak, of course, of Ratts 1985 magnum opus Invasion of Your Privacy. From the irresistible pop-metal sheen of Youre In Love to the killer twin-guitar assault of Dangerous But Worth The Risk, these ten tracks render all other music redundant. ...

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Westinghouse 37 1080p HDTV Ready LCD Monitor - $569.99

Father Grabarkiewicz! My G- uh, Im so glad youre here! I came as soon as I could. Wheres the baby? Right this waybut, Father, I should warn you to be prepared. Hes not its not a its not something you its horrible, Father! Heaven preserve usyoure right ...True 1080p resolution! True 1080p resolution! Uncompressed digital interface! Uncompressed digital interface!... How long has he been babbling like this? Since midnight, Father, when the Westinghouse LVM-3 ...

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DeLonghi Multi-Position Ceramic Heater

Tom: From Belmont Park Racecourse, welcome to the second lap of the 2008 Sierra Mist/Pennzoil Xtreme Race for the Presidency. Two weeks ago, the candidates completed the swimsuit portion of the competition, and are now ready to take questions from the American people. From millions of questions posted on the Internet, there were only maybe two good ones. So we brought in a bunch of undecided voters to ask the same questions that were asked in the last debate, since they all missed it. Well ...

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Power Sentry 5 Outlet PowerSquid 2 Pack

Brothers and sisters, the time of the Power Squid is nigh! Behold, He will appear unto us as a five-tentacled being whose limbs course with electricity! Discard your old power strips, silly relics! Worthless idols from a misguided faith! What a horrible joke it was that you once believed in such rude trinkets! Look upon the Power Squid, consider your erstwhile confidence in the pathetic power strips plugged into your home office outlets and laugh, or sob, at the profundity of your error ...

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Magellan Maestro 4200 4.3" Portable GPS - $149.99

Happy Friday The Thirteenth! As you know, sometime today, you are going to be attacked by a big guy in a hockey mask. Probably while youre taking a shower or you know. The key to survival is knowing your area. Now the people over at Apple are hyping up that new iPhone, and theyd like to make you believe that, in an axe-wielding crisis, theyve got the hardware you need. But we feel that the Magellan Maestro 4200 Portable GPS will suit you better, and heres the reasons why. 1) When alon ...

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Klipsch Quintet SL 5-piece Home Theater Speaker System

Dragonfly shimmers Like the sound from a set of Five speakers from Klipsch First blossom of spring Who cares? Im in my rec room Dig that awesome sound Heaven in my ears Looks like God turned out to be An audio nerd Five-channel surround? Left, mid, right, two satellites Yep, adds up to five MicroTractrix horn! Magnetically shielded! Whatever that means Open wide your ears Drink deeply of the rich sound But leave some for me Cannot stand alone Subwoofer and receiver Sold separately An old ...

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Canon HV20 High Definition Camcorder

Hey there, cam-thusiasts! Im renowned underground cinematographer Rex Torshin, and Im here to tell you how your Canon HV20 HD Camcorder can pay for itself in just weeks! All it takes is a few blank MiniDV cassettes, some free time, and access to the wealthy and powerful or at least a willingness to make your own access. Now, somebody like Steven Spielberg gets paid because people want to see his movies. But youre going to make the kind of movies that people will pay to ensure nobody ev ...

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Jumbo Universal Remote - 2 Pack - $7.99

Hear us, puny humans! Hear us and tremble! For we are Jum-Bo and Nor-Muss, the pythonic pair, infamous in every corner of the realm! We have seen the frail, tiny doo-dads you call remote controlsand we laugh at themHah! Ha-hah!a deep, bellowing laugh that shakes the forests and vibrates the bowels of the creatures dwelling therein! What big-screen television would obey the commands of such ludicrously undersized devices? What stereo receiver, what DVD player? We shall oust these pygmies ...

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HP Pavilion Quad Core Media Center PC

Take it from me, man: the human race is screwed. Just the other day me and Rabbit were minding our own business, skating in the Lowes parking lot, not hurting nobody, when these cops come along and yell at us just for doing nothing, you know? I mean, yeah, Rabbit had tagged all over the Dumpsters, and I broke a couple of their potted plants, but we did that stuff, like, last week. They couldnta known it was us. Anyway, what else is there to do when youre a teenager in this suburban waste ...

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Polaroid T730 Compact 7MP Digital Camera

A fat man stands at a garage sale, looking at a used vacuum. A weightlifter flexes his obliquus capitis. A young boy looks in awe at a starship as it touches down in his backyard. All these magical moments go uncaptured each and every day. But if you were on the scene with this Red Polaroid T730 Compact 7MP Digital Camera youd have a perfectly tolerable photograph to remember them by. Now when we say tolerable, we mean it! This lovely Red Polaroid T730 Compact 7MP Digital Camera is the abs ...

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VTech 5.8Ghz 4 Handset Phone with Digital Answering Machine

Youre alone. Its late. Youre up on the roof looking at the stars. Suddenly you want a pizza. But you dont want to tip the driver, so it has to be a pizza delivered by your well-meaning but gullible best friend. Whats the way to make this happen? If youve got a VTech mi6895/mi6896 5.8Ghz 4 Handset with Caller ID and Answering Machine, its easy as a large pie with pepperoni and onions. The 5.8 GHz Digital Spread Spectrum technology will let you use VTech mi6895/mi6896 5.8Ghz 4 Handset ...

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Razer Diamondback 3G Gaming Mouse - $24.99

There is a shave so close, so smooth, that no ordinary razor can ever aspire to it. For decades, men have searched for this elusive shave. Now, the search is over. With its patented eight-blade triple-flex technology and innovative new WhiskerLift system, only the - Wrong copy, Ted. What? Youre reading the copy for the wrong product. What are you talking about? Were selling the Razer Diamondback 3G, right? The one that uses extreme rotating action developed by NASA scientists to give you ...

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Cube Memory 2GB MicroSD Card with SD Adaptor

Uh, hey, tech engineers, scientists, and product designers? Theres something weve been meaning to talk to you about. Were thinking it's time to find another project to work on. Please dont make our memory media any smaller than these Dane-Elec 2GB MicroSD Cards. We understand that youve had a blast figuring out how to cram more and more megabytes into fewer and fewer molecules. Unfortunately, the human hand and the human eye have their limits. Were perfectly happy to save our data 2GB ...

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Versa Wrench 12 31-in-1 Ratcheting Wrench - 2 Pack - $4.99

You know what saying I really hate? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Every time some goody-goody spouts that saccharine homily at me, I just tell them Oh, yeah? Well, Im allergic to lemons, and if I drank lemonade, giant boils would pop up on the inside of my throat and strangle me to death from the inside out. Whaddya think of that, huh? Huh? Its not true, but it usually shuts the Pollyannas up. Its all in a days work for me, Arthur Churlman, host of this installment of Y ...

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Sandisk Sansa M240 1GB MP3 Player with FM Tuner

Happy Memorial Day, everybody! Hey, happy Memorial Day, Sandisk Sansa M240 Silver! Hey, whats wrong, buddy? You you wanna talk about it? Man, I didnt do nothin, she came up to me! I was just standin round, seeing what I could see Then somebody said my Silver case was hot. What am I supposed to do, tell em No, its really not? They said they liked the way I handled MP3 Plus WMA and Audible, see, And so when I start smilin back my girl shows up! She calls me lightweight and then she ...

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Maximo iM-490 iMetal Isolation Earphones

We like to think of Maximo's iM-490 iMetal Stereo Earphones as ear buds in the sense of being good pals with your ears. Good buds. Like helping-out-on-moving-day good. And we imagine youll have your iM-490s stuffed in your ears sometime, and whatever youre listening to will end, but you wont take them out right away because youre preoccupied with something youre reading and youve kind of forgotten theyre in there because their aluminum alloy body is so lightweight. And your ears w ...

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Westinghouse 26 Widescreen LCD HDTV - $309.99

Big. Big big big. The oversized sandwich. The extra extra large pizza. A house with two zip codes. Somewhere along the way the American dream went from being happy to having more than the other guy. And did that work? Has that made the world a better place? Maybe its time to start thinking about quality instead of quantity. The Westinghouse 26 Widescreen LCD HDTV wont require a second mortgage or an extra-large delivery truck. It also wont make you nervous every time someone stands a li ...

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Dyson DC18 Slim All-Floor Vacuum - $279.99

You can probably guess how the Dyson DC18 Slim stacks up against the other Dyson models weve sold. (Its slimmer.) But how does it stack up against other famous Slims throughout history? Read on and find out why the Dyson DC18 Slim All-Floor Vacuum is the slimmest, suckiest slim of all the slims who ever slimmed. Slim Jim Pro: Tastes much better than the Dyson DC18 Slim. Available cheap at any 7-11. Endorsed by Macho Man Randy Savage. Con: Its best not to wonder what parts of which ani ...

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GSI 46 High Gloss Digital Photo Paper 10 Sheets - 3 Pack

Hey, you dont have to justify yourself to us. If you say you love your kids, well take your word for it. You do your best for them, as far as we know. Were not the judgmental type anyway. Love your kids, dont love em, whatever. Nobody died and made us the Department of Family Services. Just because we print our photos on GSI 4×6 High Gloss Digital Photo Paper doesnt mean were somehow superior to you. We just happen to think our kids deserve sharp, brilliant photos that dont fad ...

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Sandisk e280 8GB Media Player

Hi, its your old pal Woot here, to tell you once again about the glory and wonder of the Sandisk Sansa e200 Series Media Players. Theres no better, easier, or more affordable way to enjoy your favorite music or movies on the go than the Sansa e280. With 8GB of storage space and a big 1.8 TFT color screen, youll never be at a loss for entertainment, even if your planet has been secretly invaded by corpse-devouring aliens masquerading as a company that manufactures media players. Thats w ...

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Pinnacle PCTV HD Pro Stick

Holy crap, theyve done it. Theyve transcended space and time. Think about it: whats the worst part about watching TV? No, besides the ads. Alright, yeah, and besides its deleterious effects on your mental and physical health. And besides Larry King. You know what? This guessing game isnt working. Lets just tell you what we were trying to get at. The worst thingwell, one of the worst thingsabout watching TV is that youre stuck in one place, and youre stuck in one time. Say you wa ...

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Sonic Impact V55 Video Player for iPod

Its going to happen. You can be sure of that. Maybe not today or tomorrow but eventually. That little darling of yours will come out and look at you with her prettiest smile and say someone did a bad thing with a quiet voice and a finger in her mouth. And when you go look, youll find toast in the VCR. Or applesauce in the hungry Blu-Ray. Or the PS4 will be stuffed with green beans. As certain as death and taxes. So what will you do? Youll smile and sigh, to begin with. And then youll ...

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iRobot Looj 120 Gutter Cleaning Robot - $69.99

Its spring. Things are warming up. People are wearing less and less everywhere you go. And your mind is firmly in the gutter. All those leaves to clean, all that wet mulch and strange molds and maybe a venomous millipede with a rifle. You dont want to go up there. You certainly dont want to pay a stranger. And your kids been at a slumber party for a week. They always know, those kids. But never you fear, because if your gutter fits well against this template, the iRobot Looj will be the ...

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RCA Lightweight Behind the Neck Headphones - 2 Pack

Lemme guess you try to keep in shape by bicycling, right? Rollerblading? Maybe (snicker) jogging? Please. If thats what you call a workout, you might as well climb onto a senior scooter before you fall and cant get up. The way the ONLY way to true fitness is aboard the pogo stick. If you can master the stick, theres no fat you cant lose, no flab you cant tone. And when I need an extra boost to push my pogoing to new heights, to get that extra millimeter that makes the differenc ...

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Digital Lifestyles 26 LCD HDTV

Listen, Ive had it with certain people in cable news and talk radio disparaging my Digital Lifestyle. Im an adult, arent I? Cant I make my own decisions about whats right for me? And whom I supposed to be hurting? I understand that a lot of these guys are misinformed about the Digital Lifestyle. They think its all about marathon sessions of wild, irresponsible media piracy. But for most of us, its not like that at all. And its these so-called pundits responsibility to get the fact ...

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Cellboost Disposable Battery for iPod - $0.99

ow many times has this happened to you? Youve just lit some incense and settled down on your beanbag with your iPod, ready to listen to a sixteen hour raga and meditate yourself to a universal understanding. But then, after just eight hours, your iPod is almost out of a charge! Who can reach Krishna consciousness like that? The solution is easy. Get a Cellboost IP1 Disposable Battery Charger for iPod. Designed to work with any dock connecting iPod, even the iPhone, youll get extra energy ...

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Mark of Fitness HP-787/MF-86 Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor - $19.99

Emily: Hey! Theres the birthday girl! Kelly: Happy birthday to you Moira: Uh, hi, Emily, Kelly. Thanks. Listen, Im really waist-deep in these spreadsheets, so if you wouldnt mind - Emily: Oh, come on! How often do you have a 32nd birthday? Kelly: 32? Wow! I didnt realize you were still so young! Emily: I guess looks can be deceiving. Moira: What is that supposed to mean? Emily: It means its your birthday! Kelly: And we got you a little something! Here you go! Come on, open them! Mo ...

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iMainGo Portable Speaker for iPod/Sansa/MP3 - 2 Pack

Little Arty Fingerbaum had a dream. He was going to be a rock star. His parents though, oi! Father was always going on and on about dentistry. What nineteen year old ever wanted to throw herself at a dentist? Arty used his bar mitzvah money to get a iMainGo Portable iPod/Sansa/MP3 Speaker 2 Pack. Such a bargain! With two 2.5w stereo speakers in each, he was able to set up his sound system, and since it worked with any device that had a 3.5mm stereo mini jack, he wasnt locked in to an iPo ...

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Hamilton Beach Ensemble 14-Speed Blender

Feliz Cinco de Mayo! If this holiday means one thing, it means margaritas the kind you could be enjoying right this very second if you owned a Hamilton Beach Ensemble 54243 14-Speed Blender. Thats the blender that helped General Ignacio Zaragoza Segun rout the French invaders at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. Oh, really? It wasnt? What, were you there? Didnt think so. Anyway, if youre at a loss for a reason to stir, aerate, puree, crumb, chop, or mix next May 5th, clip and save this ...

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Reebok Precision Trainer XT Heart Rate Monitor with Chest Strap - $19.99

Oh, Matt said to Russ we need something to sell And Russ said we ordered it Matt, what the hell Matt said oh, Russ said what Matt said you can get what you want in but I was hoping a Heart Rate Monitor is what it could be Well Russ said that sounds pretty good to me And he got in the Reebok Precision Trainer XT Well Russ decided we needed a count As accurate as the XT so wed know the amount He asked poor Kevin to touch each chest strap Kevin got right on it and Russ started to clap Russ sa ...

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Philips Prestigo 10 Device Universal Remote Control - $34.99

Whats this? What are you spending my money on now? We dont have enough junk in this house, is that it? Oh, George, please dont be that way. Its just a Philips 10 in 1 Universal Remote Control. It wasnt expensive. I thought you might like it. I might like it? What a laugh. Ive got eight remotes already. What do I need another one for? Well, thats just it. This one can control up to 10 devices, so you can put all those other ones away. Wont that be nice, George? Wont it? ...

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Digital Lifestyles 32 Widescreen LCD HDTV

Come in, come in. Dont be frightened. Nobodys going to judge you. Youre among friends here. This is a safe space for people like you and mefor people who enjoy Digital Lifestyles. We understand what youre going through the shame, the anxiety, the fear that those around you will turn their backs on you. Weve all been there ourselves. Bill over there, his wife divorced him when he revealed his passion for the Digital Lifestyles LT32323 32 Widescreen LCD HDTV. Its fully FCC V-chip c ...

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Philips 80 Watt Power Inverter 2 Pack

You seen that one Cribs with Ludacris? Where all his cars have TVs all over the place, not just in the usual places but, like, set into the floor and on the gas cap and right in the middle of the steering wheel? Now, see, a guy like that, he can afford to have some customizer trick out his car with a buttload of little TVs. What else is he going to spend his money on? Dude can only smoke so much weed, you know? Me, on the other hand, I have to get clever if I want TVs on board my rides. Che ...

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3M Filtrete Air Purifier - $39.99

Look at that, Sheila! Why, Betty! What is it? Its so streamlined! So modern! I I cant look away! Of course you cant, Betty! Women cant help but love the FAP! The 3M FAP02-RS Filtrete Air Purifier is designed for quiet cleaning and is 99% effective at capturing particles as small as 0.1 microns in size, like pollen, mold spores, dust mite, pet dander, bacteria, and particles that carry viruses, smoke and smog. Its so quiet! Is it even on? Oh, its on, Sheila! But the 3M FA ...

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Random Marvel Comics 10 Pack - $0.99

Some of you have already decided whether to buy this bundle of ten random, recent Marvel comics. Youre the ones who have a favorite Captain Marvel. Youre the type who took sides in the Kree-Skrull War. Youre the kind who use retcon as if it were a real word. And youve made your minds up already, sure as Foggy Nelson likes a danish. But what about normal, decent people? If you dont know your Beyonder from your Galactus, let us explain. Along with Pibb-stained carpet and semi-nude stat ...

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Dyson DC14 Total Clean Vacuum

You never forget your first. I was just a dumb kid working off my scooter payments by helping out around Old Man Niemanns corner store. My head was full of big dreams, my heart was full of angst, and my gut was full of Twizzlers. Sometimes it seemed like Id never grow up. Then, one hazy June evening, after closing time but before it got dark, Old Man Niemann told me to get the new vacuum cleaner out of the back and run it around the store. I went into the back and sawher. Shorter than m ...

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Anycom Solar Bluetooth Cell-Phone Speaker System

One there was a maiden of the most incomprehensible beauty. She was bathing in a stream when she was seen by the sun god Apollo as he crossed the sky in his chariot. Completely by coincidence, it was the day of the total solar eclipse, which was scheduled to last for about fifteen minutes. Apollo took advantage of this time to grab some Marvin Gaye and visit the maiden. Within the year she gave birth to the Anycom SCK1 Solar Bluetooth Car Kit. From infancy, the Anycom SCK1 Solar Bluetooth C ...

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Epson V100 Photo Perfection Flatbed Color Scanner

Well listen up, people cause its understood That the Epson V100 scans things real good It scans photos and documents and film and slides And you can lift up the lid to scan stuff thats wide Like for example, I scanned a little statuette Of Gilbert du Motier, marquis de La Fayette I bought it at the Monticello souvenir store But then I recently decided I dont want it no more And howm I gonna get someone to buy it from me If theres no pic online that they can see? But most stuff I scan ...

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iMate Momento 10.2 Wi-Fi Digital Picture Frame - $129.99

Heh, heh, heh. Man, Erics gonna freak. Heres the deal: we gave him and Kristin this iMate Momento 100 10.2 Wireless Digital Picture Frame for their wedding, right? Nice 800×480 resolution, big 10-inch screen, pretty sharp design, and streams pics wirelessly from your Windows PC. So far, so good. Heres where it gets funny: it also lets friends and family stream pictures from the Internet via the Momento Live web site directly to your iMate Momento 100. So we Photoshopped up a bunch ...

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Jabra BT135 Compact Bluetooth Headset - 2 Pack - $17.99

HYDERABAD, India (FKE) Researchers here confirmed reports of a man who can literally talk out of both sides of his mouth. During controlled studies at Osmania University, the man exhibited the ability to hold two simultaneous conversations, and even sang Frere Jacques in rounds, by himself. The man, who claims to be a Sikh prophet, refused to allow his name to be released on the grounds that it was so holy, it would burn any paper that tried to hold it. The research team ascribes his re ...

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Kodak EasyShare Z1275 12MP/720p Digital Camera w/5x Optical Zoom - $99.99

Wake up, Lassiter. He felt the nudge in his side, sensed the presence of others in the room, opened his eyes. Culbreth stood over his bed, prodding him with the barrel of a .45. Over by the desk, Marinelli was smoking a cigarette and pawing through the contents of the bookcase. The stink of the smoke was a foreign presence in Lassiters tidy room. Put that out, wouldja? Lassiter mumbled in a deep, dry voice. Dont worry about the smoke, Culbreth sneered. You got bigger problems than ...

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Power Sentry Home Theater Surge Protector, Line Conditioner and UPS

You know that old thing about wanting a nail? You know, about how the horse didnt want a nail, so the horseshoe was captured by the enemy? Maybe there was something in there about the rider changing horses in mid-stream, and getting eaten by a fox. I might be remembering that wrong. Anyway, so they couldnt find a nail and the kingdom was lost, is what the deal was. Hence the timeless catchphrase my kingdom for a horse. The horseshoe/nail story is one of the most famous things ever writt ...

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Apple iPod 3rd Generation 8GB Nano

If youre like us, you remember music videos. Staying up late to watch the world premiere of Thriller on Friday Night Videos (howd they get that, anyway?) or seeing Billy Idol fighting zombies on MTV right before you left for the bus, or, if you were lucky, watching Night Flight at a friends house when you were up way too late. Its amazing to think that in less than a generation, all that, um, great music can fit in a the front pocket of your jeans. The Apple iPod 3rd Generation 8GB Nano ...

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DesignerVision 1GB MP3 Player - $9.99

Well, now youve gone and done it. You thought you were really clever making that bargain with your kid. Sure, you can have an MP3 playerwhen you start bringing home straight As, you taunted, certain in the knowledge that there was no way that D-plus in Pre-Algebra would come up to an A. Then, bam, the five-week progress reports came home, and the math grade was a B-minus and rising. Looks like youre about to get some schooling in humility. It doesnt have to be a costly lesson, though ...

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Logitech Brazillian Office Internet Keyboard

How many different ways are there of looking at a Logitech Brazilian Layout Internet Keyboard? At least three. The exotic allure of Brazil stirred powerful feelings in all three of our staff writers, who each scribbled up a little something for this nigh-unto-useless doo-dad. Let the court of public opnion judge which one is supreme! By Jason: Brazil? Nuts! Oh, Teresinha, pouca flor de meu corao. If you only knew how many hours Ive spent staring at the pictures on your MySpace page, achi ...

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Nike Sport Kit Carrying Case for MP3 Players 2 Pack - $0.99

Ill never forget it, no matter how hard I try. The laughter. The taunts. The soaked pants. Fifth-graders can be so cruel. How was I supposed to know Nike had two syllables? It was the 80s. Nike hadnt yet vaulted over the Pumas and the Ponys and the British Knightses to become the world-straddling colossus we know today. And they had that whole Air Jordan deal going on, so to my juvenile mind, there was some vague logic to the idea that Nike rhymed with Mike. Eventually, the laughte ...

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Kodak V1003 10 Megapixel Digital Camera

We, the people, in order to form a more perfect union Two hundred and twenty-one years ago, a group of men met in a hall that didnt even have central air or a decent sound system, to launch Americas improbable experiment in democracy. Beyond their commitment to liberty, those guys knew how to write a good opening. Thats why Ive quoted them right at the beginning. But I come before you today to talk about something else, something that gets at the very root of what it means to be an ...

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Soyo Freestyler 500 Bluetooth Headset and Bluetooth USB Adapter - $9.99

They called us Soyo Freestyler 500 with Bluetooth USB Adapter Dongle. But we were just a couple of guys who liked to travel. We made a big score and got some cash, and decided to head down to New Orleans and check things out. Maybe discover America on the way. Soyo Freestyler 500 had this custom job, real modern. He could fit in the ear, you know, with his ear hook. He even fit in a shirt pocket. Real clean cut, coat-and-tie, looking like he came from a good family. The chicks went crazy fo ...

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Athena Technologies WS-60 Wall-Mountable Speaker - $89.99

Gary trembled as he fitted the last of his three Athena Technologies WS-60 Wall-Mountable Speakers into place alongside his plasma TV. At last, it was happening. Just as his dreams had instructed, he had assembled the three Athena speakers and the Athena subwoofer. Now all that was left to do was to connect this last speaker to his receiver (sold separately), and the prophecy would be fulfilled. Was it his imagination, or did the air already crackle with magic? Or even, perhaps, magick? For ...

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JBL Radial High-Performance Loudspeaker Dock for iPod

Dear Miss Twocents, Im writing you because I find myself in a sensitive situation that Im not sure how to handle. Ive been with my JBL Radial High-Performance Loudspeaker Dock for iPod for about two years, and things are going great. We get along really well. Weve got a lot in common. Were even talking about marriage. My family really likes her, and she does a good job of putting up with them. Alls well, it seems except for one thing. Several times now, the JBL Radial Loudspeaker h ...

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La Crosse Technology Window Thermometer - 2 Pack

Los Angeles: 2119. All the smart ones have left. Theyre on Mars or one of the colonies. The only people here are regular guys like me. And the La Crosse Technology See-Thru Outdoor Window Thermometers. The thing about the La Crosse Technology See-Thru Outdoor Window Thermometer is that they made them too well. They read from -22F to 122F with a temperature accuracy of +/ 1.5F. Theres a weather resistant case too. Some people say that makes them better than regular guys. Maybe I even ag ...

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Sandisk Sansa e260 4GB Media Player - $42.99

I remember it was a cabin on a lake, upstate someplace. All the big players were there: Tommy Kneecap, Lemke Lipke, Egg Cream Joey, Little Bill and Fat Bill from the Buffalo outfit, Vito Half-Breed Goldstein. All we knew was, somebody was making a play to be the new boss of the nationwide organization, a tough guy di tutti tough guys, and we all came up here to hear him out. God knows I never held a fishing pole in my life. So were sitting around this big room, drinking gin, playing gin, ...

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Gateway Core Duo Widescreen Notebook - $499.99

Happy Pi Day! And if youre really sad intelligent, youll be racing to get that post at 1:59 pm (and 26 seconds)! You know what could make that easier? This Gateway MT6840 Notebook. Sadly, even if you buy this Gateway MT6840 Notebook, it wont be at your house by this afternoon. Which is horrible, because the Intel® Core™ 2 Duo processor T2450 2.0 GHz with 2 MB L2 cache and 533 MHz FSB would have completely changed your life. And we say that with a smile because we know full wel ...

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Kodak EasyShare 5100 All in One Printer, Scanner and Copier

LA, 56. The Valley vibed vicious and volatile. Weinie-wagging Wesleyans dropped dirty dinero to keep heinous habits hidden. Nervy noir narcos nightcrawled needles to swinging Dick Continos accordion accompaniment. Bent badges bopped braceros bloody, back to Cabo Who Cares. Gluttonous governors glided from state house to cathouse. I peeped the sun-sick scene, creeped the pervo pavement, reaped the rancid results. Business boomed. The mail basic black. The mags billed Pete Rockward as the ...

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Dyson DC07 Cyclone Upright Vacuum Cleaner

Let me guess, Dyson DC07. Did you get your hair cut? New glasses, maybe? Or maybe its that you look, I dont know, happier somehow. Brighter. Cheerier. Are you seeing somebody new? Wait did that good-looking Roomba from the southeast corner of the warehouse finally ask you out? Oh, he didnt? Sorry. Hes probably just the shy type. Give him time. But its gotta be something. On the one hand, you look a lot like the Dyson DC07 weve all come to know and love. You remember, the one we ...

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Generic BT-407 Bluetooth Headset 2 Pack

A green frame. A grey sidebar. A button that reads I want one. A podcast, a blog. A Generic BT-407 Bluetooth Headset. Last summer I walked these halls. It was all the same. I saw you there, Bluetooth compliant. You were ten meters away, watching him play the game with the matches. Your earhook was on the left ear. The charge took two hours, and we talked of call rejection and voice dialing. I asked if you would take the call and you said Non. I remember it, I remember it as surely as I re ...

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Samsung L74W 7.2MP Wide Angle Camera with 2GB SD Card and 60" Tripod - $169.99

Boy, look at you. You think youre really something, dont you, fancy-pants? You think youre up there on some cloud looking down on the rest of us, sitting on a throne of cashmere and caviar, cutting farts that smell like fresh-baked cookies. Oh, youre too good for any old digital camera. No, youd never sully your pristine hands with some run-of-the-mill pixel-pusher. Your camera has to be special. Just like you, specialkins. Heads will roll if you cannot have a touchscreen LCD, ISO 16 ...

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VTech 5.8Ghz Digital Cordless Phone with 4 Handsets and Digital Answering System - $39.99

bleeeep bleeeep Its midnight and your children are safe and asleep. But theres a phone on Woot. bleeeep bleeeep And its ringing. Somethings happening in the world of discount electronics. bleeeep bleeeep Your purchase will decide which phone is ringing. Whether its one with 5.8GHz Digital Spread Spectrum transmission and color displays on the four handsets, one thats tested and ready to use in a dangerous world. bleeeep bleeeep Its midnight and your children are safe ...

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Haier Portable 7 LCD TV with DVD Player and AM/FM Stereo

You have taught us much, Haier Portable 7 LCD TV. Your all-in-one media capabilities, ranging from DVDs, CDs and TV to MP3s and FM/AM radio, teach us the lesson of inclusiveness. Your portability teaches us how to watch March Madness at the office. Your need for fine-tuning the TV reception teaches us the value of diligence. The fact that your analog TV tuner will be obsolete in 2009 teaches us to act quickly. Lets see: inclusiveness, March Madness, diligence, act quickly. That about co ...

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TiVo HD DVR

Stop right there! Woot Records in conjunction with YouTube Pakistan want to give you a deal you cant forget! Rock out to the sound of TiVo Classic Gold! TiVo Classic Gold is not available in stores, and in fact, this is the first time TiVo has ever allowed a smash hit like this to be released. Refurb? We say re-FUN! Listen to this! I need a TiVoTo copy my shows when Im busy at nightIt must be HDAnd its gotta be smallPlus support Live365 But thats not all. Each TiVo Classic Gold us ...

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Strait-Line Rolling Tape Measure - 2 Pack - $4.99

Well I take pleasure in Measuring Another inch, youll always catch me rolling straightly Always catch me rolling straightly Always catch me rolling straightly Always catch me rolling straightly Always catch me rolling straightly Accurate measurements In tiny increments Sixteenth of an inch, youll always catch me rolling straightly Always catch me rolling straightly Always catch me rolling straightly Always catch me rolling straightly Always catch me rolling straightly Well my home needs ...

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Gateway Quad Core Desktop Computer - $599.99

What are you snickering about? Gateway isnt the penny-ante patsy people say it is. They can make a computer just as good as anybody. Or most companies. Or some companies. Anyway, theyre not the worst. And the Gateway GT5628 Desktop Computer is as non-worst a computer as youll find on the market today. Probably. Still giggling? Well, the Intel® Core™ 2 Q6600 2.4GHz Quad Core Processor ought to shut you up. Youre probably running some wheezing, clanking old dual-core j ...

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Myvu Personal Media Viewer Fully Loaded Edition for iPod

Have YOU ever wished you could immerse yourself in video from your iPod, only with lesser picture quality? Do YOU stay awake nights worrying about people looking over your shoulder and watching your iPod Video for free? Have YOU been striving to replicate the Geordi LaForge look? Then the Myvu Personal Media Viewer is for you! The world around you will recede into the distance when you strap on this New Wave-styled personal media accessory. Entomb your mind in the cold embrace of pure video ...

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iRobot Roomba 4296 Remote Scheduler Robotic Vacuum - $99.99

At the roundtable inside Fort Justice, the headquarters of the Super League of Heroes, today: Nightwitch: I sense a power rising in the East, a beast of many colors slithering from the depths to usurp the trophy of power from the red-footed titans. O deity! The beast is come! The Green Bomb: And I still say youre nuts. Theres no way the Devil Rays are going to win the division. General Freedom: Can we come to order here? Weve kept our guests waiting long enough. Were here to choos ...

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Dane-Elec 2GB SD Card - $6.99

Hi, Allen. Say, I think your computer is on fire! Oh, crap! HOOOOOSH I think that got it. Glad youre not treating me any differently since my promotion! Yeah, sorry you had to see that, Phil. Its been so hard to keep things stable recently. Its just all the volatile memory Ive been using. I understand, Allen. I used to be just like you. Really, Phil? But youre always so calm so collected your data right at hand! Whats your secret? Ill show you, Alle ...

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LG Electronics Portable Stereo Speaker 2 Pack

During the recent woot-off, the forums were abuzz with complaints about our copy writing team. Always sensitive to the needs of our stupid valued customers, we at Woot have decided to add a new member to our staff. Please welcome, a Greek Chorus. We thrill to be in your employYet there are those you still annoy We feel a Greek Chorus will serve to make our faults clear as we attempt to bring you the finest products the world has to offer. Like todays LG Electronics MSP-100 Portable Ste ...

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Sandisk Sansa e270 6GB Media Player with FM Tuner - $49.99

The General watched on the radar screen as the missile veered harmlessly away from the rogue satellite. A groan of dismay arose under the fluorescent lights of the control room. With one corner of his mouth twitching like it does whenever he gets mad, the General turned toward the Colonel. Well, there goes another ten million of taxpayer money, he spat. Any more bright ideas? Or are we finally gonna do this right? Sir, with all due respect, I dont believe Plan MP3 is the most effec ...

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Pinnacle PCTV HD Pro Stick - $39.99

Theres a joke about Calvin Coolidge that goes like this: A mangoes to a fancy dinner and is seated next to the taciturn President.The man says, Sir, my wife bet me a dollar that I couldnt make yousay three words. Coolidge replies, You lose. Despitehis reputation, Coolidge was the first president to deliver a radioaddress, on this day in 1924. It is in his honor that we offer thePinnacle PCTV HD Pro Stick. The Pinnacle PCTV HD ProStick lets you pull HD signals from the air like they we ...

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Amcor 3.5" Touchscreen Portable GPS

Anyone whos road-tripped knows: A good navigator is hard to find. And a bad navigatorwell, hell flat ruin your drive. I should know. I myself am a poor navigator. Dont get me wrong. I can read a map and plot a route. I have a reasonably good sense of direction and keen eyesight for reading highway signs at long distances. I know how early to tell the driver what the next turns going to be. My problemand maybe you know someone who shares itis that once I get involved in the driv ...

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Remington MicroFlex Titanium Rechargeable Shaver

El Jefe: First, I want to say muchas gracias to everybody who put together this retirement party: my brother, of course, but also the tireless cadres of the Party, and of course, the workers and peasants of this little island nation, who have shown time and again that they bring the strongest, most resolute fortitude to the struggle against the imperialists. Let us recall the outrage of Playa Girn, where the cats paw of Yanqui domination - Little Brother: Eh, hermano? I know you like to ...

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Klipsch Synergy Series SS.5 Surround Sound Speaker - Pair - $89.99

Call me Ishmael. My travels have been long and difficult, but Im thinking Ill skip over some of the boring part, if ye dont mind. Because the story I want to tell was on a very specific ship, under a Captain by the name of Ahab. A man who would have killed us all in the name of the Klipsch Synergy Series SS.5 Surround Sound Speaker. At the time, we did not know the story of the additional Klipsch center speaker that created his dark obsession. We only knew the lash, and the way he thre ...

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iMate Momento 10.2 Wireless Digital Picture Frame - $129.99

Flickr, Twitter, RSS, Facebook, MySpace, nowadays you can keep track of everyone you know with just a few easy mouse clicks. But that still takes effort. Why cant there be something that just brings the story to you, as you sit in your comfy chair with a can of Pringles and a bowl of Bacon Ranch with Onion flavored Cool Whip? Say hello to the iMate Momento 10.2 Wireless Digital Picture Frame. With a 10.2 inch 800×480 screen, youll be able to see your photos load from your PC or yo ...

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Bird Flu Kit

Are you the kind of person who takes health tips from the internet? Not that bright, are you? Well, thats good for us, because it means we might get rid of some of these 3M Nexcare Health Preparedness Kits. Ideal for work or school or that van always parked near the local community college, the 3M Nexcare Health Preparedness Kit is a handy plastic container full of earloop masks, latex, powder-free vinyl gloves, hand sanitizing resealable alcohol wipes, single use thermometers and a 2.4 ...

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Canon ZR830 MiniDV Camcorder with 35x Optical Zoom - $129.99

I always knew Id be famous someday. I used to think Id do it by contributing something of lasting value to humanity, or through notable achievements of talent and inspiration. In other words, the suckers route to stardom. But then it hit me: theres an easier way. Im on my way to a front page near you, armed with little more than my devilish charm, my irrestistible smile, and my Canon ZR830 Mini DV Camcorder. Heres how itll go down. I go to LA, or New York, or maybe London somepla ...

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Infocus 7210 HD DLP Projector w/ Free 76" Projection Screen - $999.99

Oh, my droogies, the Infocus 7210 High Definition DLP Projector with 76 Screen is grand. Keep your messels sharp as you drop that Pretty Polly you keep in your back pocket at the Moloko Bar with your smirk and your swagger. Because after a night spent in a bit of the ol requesting-the-woot-off, that rattle in the ol noggin is softer than the chains about your legs, and her papa the bolshy majee-straight, unboxing his majestic wiggy and pointing yon hammer down at your innocent young eyes ...

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Innovage Jumbo Universal Remote 2 Pack

Innovage Project Manager: And then maybe we take one of our existing remote controls and add an MP3 player, and a digital photo frame, maybe with a little slot that dispenses your business cards- Innovage CEO: No, no, no. We need something fresh, something innovative. Our company is called Innovage, not Sameoldstupidcrapage. Is that all youve got? Innovage Project Manager: Well, the team did come up with one other thing. But, well Innovage CEO: What? What is it? Innovage Proje ...

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Sandisk Sansa M240 1GB MP3 Player with FM Tuner - $9.99

If Sandisk wants their Sansa MP3 players to appeal to a more upscale clientele, they should take a lesson from the Crates & Barrels and Pottery Barns of the world. Classy retailers dont give their products boring, informative color names like Silver or Pink they use sensual euphemisms like Wheatgrass and Latte and Fruit Punch. You hardly know whether to dry off with a towel or drink it. Now, you have your choice of colors today: Pink or Silver, as you prefer. Which is coo ...

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Uniden 5.8Ghz 3 Handset Phone with Answering System - $29.99

beep Hey Stacy, this is Phil from Electronics Mart, just checking to see how that Uniden phone is working out for you. You remember the TRU12803? Three handsets? The one you bought earlier today? Call me back and let me know how things are going! Bye! beep Hi Stacy. Phil again. Just wanted to make sure the Uniden TRU12803s 5.4 gigahertz wireless signal isnt interfering with your home wireless network. I know you said thats important to you, so, uh, yeah, just calling to make sure ...

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Gyration GyroTransport Air Mouse with 512MB USB Drive

I await your URGENT reply to this email contact. I am sorry to tell you that someone you call a Friend has hired me to kill you dead by all means. My client have spent a lot money on this purpose. I have been provided with necessary informations, pictures addresses and your daily habits we needed about you. My boys have carried out the investigations but I told them not to kill you as I would like to contact you and see if your Life is important. The question is do you want to LIVE OR D ...

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John Daly XDS 16 Piece Mens Right Hand Golf Set - $129.99

You never forget a moment like that. The year was 1991. I was watching SportsCenter on TV with my dad, wishing I could fly like Michael Jordan or hit like Reggie White, but knowing I was too slow and heavy to ever make those dreams come true. Then I saw him. A hero. A titan. A vision in an overstretched double-knit polo. He was John Daly, he was a champion, and he looked just like me. That was a powerful idea for an overweight, lonely 38-year-old kid. I vowed, then and there, to follow in ...

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Wireless FM Transmitter - 2 Pack - $7.99

Today is what it means to be a free and democratic people. On a day like today, it is important for all citizens to be informed, and to do their part. Thats why I, Wireless F.M. Transmitter, have been nothing but transparent all through my campaign. Youll never find out that Ive got a, heh, 3.5mm mini plug that I just somehow forgot to mention until the last minute, heh heh. Youll never find out, find me out in the world without my included Car Charger in a moment of crisis. You wont g ...

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Olevia 52 1080p LCD TV

Some people make the best of whatever life brings their way. Some people give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Some people have the serenity to accept what they cannot change. Well, not me! Im Arthur Churlman, here with another installment of Youre Not Gonna Put One Over On Me! This week, were looking at the Olevia 252TFHD 2 Series LCD TV. And thats all were doing, looking anybody whod hand over real American money for this piece of junk needs to have their head examined. Ive b ...

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Dyson DC07 Cyclone Upright Vacuum Cleaner - $219.99

The old ones still remember a time when their kind ruled the floors. It was a golden age for dust, dirt, and dander, when a thriving microbial civilization seemed destined for eternal mastery of its domain. Throughout the carpets, tile, and hardwood, their numbers grew every day. Their greatest joy came when a cloud of them ascended into the air to infect the breath and food of the hapless human inhabitants. Oh, how they laughed! The occasional vacuuming was little more than a loud nuisance ...

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HP Pavilion Elite m9040n Desktop Computer

A good computer is like a good sandwich. All the parts inside have to be delicious or the whole thing winds up wrong. We hope you find our HP Pavilion Elite m9040n Desktop Computer mouthwatering. The sleek piano black paneling is just the wax paper that holds everything in place. Underneath that is the 2.4 Ghz Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600 processor. Youll have four execution cores inside a single processor, kicking out the jams for multi-threaded and multi-tasked environments. Baby aint gett ...

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JBL Radial Speaker Dock for iPod - $119.99

I am a simple household droid, known colloquially as a microwave oven. My binary basis does not allow for ambiguity. And yet, when my visual sensors detect you, White JBL Radial High-Performance Loudspeaker Dock for iPod, the results appear complex and nebulous. What is the name for the effect you have on my emotional circuits? A query of my vocabulary database returns no results. Closest semantic match: love. My programming omits concepts such as beauty. But how else can I describe y ...

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Razer Barracuda AC-1 Gaming Sound Card - $69.99

Well, Officer, you gotta understand, it was a wild night. There was a lot going on, and honestly, I wasnt in the best condition to be a good witness, know what Im saying? Wed just finished a tasting of our Rock Hollow Sextet. There were a lot of people there, and Im sure theyd tell a lot of different stories. But I do know a few things for sure. One, the guy who ran had on a really great shirt. Two, I definitely heard the stolen files. Those mashups that guy was spinning, well, Im pre ...

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Sandisk 512MB MP3 Player with FM Tuner - 2 Pack

Shane and Sia Barbi. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. Ann Landers and Dear Abby. The mystique of twins is well known to the entire world. Theyre perfect for a world that believes one is average and three is too much. Just like our Sandisk m230 512mb MP3/FM Tuner Player 2-Pack. Each Sandisk m230 512mb MP3/FM Tuner Player is lightweight and supports DRM-protected WMA, as well as Audible files and plain old MP3. Great way to listen to your mix of the Pixies and The Breeders. Or what about that N ...

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Samsung 10.1MP Digital Camera

Out where we are, man, there aint even an edge. Theres just a sliver that you can barely stand on. But when youre standing on it, you look totally cool. Out here people only listen to bands like MGMT and The Teenagers. They're already putting Kucinich stickers on new MacBook Airs. And they wouldnt be seen without a Samsung S1050 10.1MP Digital Camera. Rich? Nobody here is getting rich, man. Were getting art. Were getting tomorrow. Were plucking the future from the trees like ripe ...

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Swatch Paparazzi Watch - $19.99

Each one is Swiss made Theres a back light and theres MSN Direct Sending out info on The sports and news you check And it syncs with Outlook Plus it uses radio waves Its a little bulky but Thats the price you gotta pay And it seems to me youd tell good time With a Swatch Paparazzi All of that constant information Could help productivity Youll charge that battery often But thats just how it is Youll be reading all your headlines The night you run into a bridge Its got a buck ...

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Maximo iM-490S iMetal Stereo Earphones

Album of the Week Mxm iM-490 iMetal Rating: 4.5 devil horns I have heard the future, and it sounds like Mxms iM-490 iMetal. The scorching debut from these snaggletoothed misanthropes crackles with jolts of everything great thats come before them. The pummeling Neodymium Driver is perhaps the greatest album opener in heavy rock since Mtrheads Ace of Spades. Dont expect a breather after that, as next comes the relentless one-two assault of ???Maximum Output and Metal In Y ...

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Power Sentry 5 Outlet PowerSquid - $7.99

Face front, Woot believers, as we present a hero unlike any youve seen before! Cast out from his native Atlantis...hated and feared by the very humans hes sworn to protectan astonishing fusion of man and beast and extension cord...hes the way-out, wild, weird PowerSquid! Marvel at the fantastic five outlets on his five flexible arms! Gaze on in astonishment as he holds bulky adapters far beyond the capabilities of mere mortal power strips! Journey into mystery as he struggles against ...

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Sony VAIO UX390N Premium Micro PC

Patio outside of the Bean Roaster, morning of 1/14/08. You: Asian woman with red plastic glasses, 25-30, drinking cappuccino and running Windows Vista Business on small compact PC. Me: balding guy wearing overalls with one strap undone, walking ferret on leash. Love to get together and have coffee, talk about Wireless WAN technology, maybe something more. TOM: No, Im not answering the phone. Yes, I threw away all your stuff. You love that Sony VAIO Micro PC so much, move in with it. Im ...

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Reebok Precision Trainer XT Heart Rate Monitor with Chest Strap - $19.99

This is the year! Im finally going to do it! A new year, a new me! And I aint just talkin about taking off a couple extra pounds. Im totally re-engineering my body, Jared style. In fact, not even. Cause Jared isnt ripped. All Jared is is not fat. Im gonna be pumped. Thats right, I may look like Frederick Dukes now, but by December, Ill be Cain Marko. Ive already eaten like two cases of energy bars this month, so Im off to a pretty great start. I dont care how hard it is, I ...

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Kodak EasyShare 5100 All in One Printer - $59.99

The Kodak EasyShare 5100 All in One Printer. Thats what they call me now. It didnt used to be that way. At the plant everyone said I was most likely to get ahead. I tried hard until I could use my 2-cartridge, 6-ink system to print up to 4800×1200 dpi each and every time. I was so proud, and so innocent. I told myself that as long as I could manage 32 pages per minute black and 30 pages per minute color someone would always love me. But then I went out into the world. My first re ...

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Honeywell Ceramic Heater with Remote

How many times has THIS happened to YOU??? Your spouse: Time to go to my aunts house for dinner. You: Eh, Id rather not. Its too cold over there. Your spouse: I want a divorce. We all know people who just wont turn up their thermostats although we WISH we DIDNT! Now theres a SOLUTION - a solution called the Honeywell SureSet Ceramic Heater! Take it along when you visit that chilly cheapskate in your life, use it to warm up your billiard room, or keep it in your cubicle! ...

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Invicta Mens Stainless Steel Watch

It happens every time. The sweating. The nausea.The uncontrolled urination. All I want to do is buy a watch. But whenever I go into a store and look around, the sheer number of options, of choices, of possibilitiesit overwhelms me. Terrifies me. I just have to go, to run, to get out always without the watch I came looking for. How can I possibly choose from all those different watches? Those North Koreans dont know how good they have it. Thats why Im so happy to see this In ...

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Razer Copperhead Tempest Blue Gaming Mouse - $24.99

Need a mouse with more trademarks than a Disney video? Youre gonna want the Razer Copperhead Tempest Blue Gaming Mouse. The worlds most advanced laser sensor picks up 2000dpi and delivers it back to the 32K of onboard memory. With up to five unique gaming profiles, theres no more need to buy a different mouse for each game. Dont worry about how it will effect the mouse-based economy of Tuvalu. Just make your hand happy and your headshots more snappy with a Razer Copperhead Tempest Blue ...

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Razer Pro|Tone m250 Earphones 2-Pack - $19.99

By now, you know all about the high-quality metal casings and ProBass technology that make the Razer Protone m250 Street-Style Clip-On Earphones such a Woot favorite. But did you also know that they possess potent, if elusive, powers to tell the future? We put them on at exactly midnight, facing magnetic north and wearing nothing but a pure platinum g-string. Heres what the m250 told us about the year to come February 7: The Chinese government announces that year 4705, which starts toda ...

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Kodak V803 8MP Digital Camera

His blood ran cold at the sound the raw, unearthly yowl that seemed to issue forth from the leathery lungs of hell itself. Like a profane chorus of demons screeching a symphony of damnation - Nah, nah, thatll never do, its crap. I cant let the quality of my copywriting slip just because that new baby isnt letting us get any sleep at night. Gotta give the rubes what they expect, right? Something funny? OK Its funny. Until youve actually felt it, you always think itd really hurt ...

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Franklin Merriam-Webster Dictionary with MP3 Player

Woot competitors, take note: Maybe your sites name could have been Merriam-Websters Word of the Year if only youd put in an order for a truckload or two of these electronic dictionaries-cum-mp3-players! We kid, we kid. Merriam-Websters selection of w00t as the word of 2007 had nothing to do with our purchase of todays item, as far as we know. Whatever selection process those word-nerds use, its probably perfectly fair and transparent. (We doubt, though, that its as purely democ ...

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Sony VAIO VGN-AR550U Digital Studio Notebook PC

You dont have to be a genius to appreciate the Sony VAIO VGN-AR550U Digital Studio Notebook PC. Check out the bright 17 widescreen LCD, two hard drives with a total of 240GB of storage space, and superfast 802.11n wireless connectivity. Throw in its HDTV receiving and recording features, complete with the TiVo-style PVR functions, and this fully-loaded notebooks bountiful gifts are clear to even the simplest of simpletons. But just in case somebody out there is even simpler than that, ...

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Random Crap: 2008 Calendar Edition

Last August, as you may recall, NASA found a big empty Nothing way way out around the Eridanus constellation. Recently, they have been batting around the idea that this Nothing could be a gateway to a parallel universe. If true, this could mean that the door is opened to a near-infinite cascade of alternative histories. Imagine a dimension where the Maccabees beat the Seleucid Empire in the middle of May! Or the Declaration of Independence was signed in late autumn! Or everyone called ...

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Random Crap - $1.00

Twas the Night Before Christmas and all through Woot Tower, the staff seemed to be cross and they grumbled and glowered. Whats wrong, there? called The Boss from his executive suite. You better get merry or youre gonna get beat! No, The Boss, were sorry! Theres just so much stuff! Weve got six hundred mousepads we have to clean up! The ones with the eagle? said The Boss from on high. Maybe Ive been too harsh on you hard-working guys. The Boss looked in his pocke ...

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JVC 770 Watt 7.1 A/V Receiver with PC Link - $109.99

Bullets popped and pinged all over the boat and pierced the Mediterraneans dark, undulating surface. Somebody had tipped off the local gendarmerie about the bootleg cigarettes down in our hold, and theyd been there on the shore to greet us as we steamed up to the dock. Hajer, our snaggletoothed Tunisian captain, knew that we were nabbed. But it would be bad form to go quietly. In Marseilles, a brief exchange of half-serious gunfire was considered merely the polite prelude to an arrest. Ha ...

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V7 5.6" Digital Photo Frame

ring ring Hey, girl! I was just thinking about you. Yeah, I was looking at that V7 5.6 Digital Photo Frame I got because of you. Thats right, the one with the USB port. You know, it takes Memory Stick and Secure Digital cards, and it supports JPEG. Like the ones from the fair last weekend. Yeah, thats what Im looking at now, I had it on slide show. We look good together, girl. We still on for Wednesday night? I cant wait to see you, girl. Listen, I gotta run, but see you right after Ch ...

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iRobot Roomba 510 Vacuum Cleaning Robot - $199.99

From the desk of Korey Kringle, CEO, Santasys Corp.: First, let me extend warm holiday greetings to all of the associates at our North Pole headquarters, as well as our assembly plants in Guatemala and Indonesia, and our satellite office in the Cayman Islands. Thanks to your hard work and dedication, Santasys is approaching yet another successful Christmas Eve. Well serve some 1.8 billion boys and girls this year, and do it all by sunup. Please give yourselves a Christmas bonus in the f ...

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Belkin FM Transmitter 3 Pack

Once upon a time there was a handsome prince who set out into the world to seek his bride. His mother, the Queen, disguised him in rags. His wealth and status and beauty now hidden, the Queen kissed both his cheeks for luck and sent him out into the kingdom. His only possession was an enchanted Belkin TuneCast Mobile FM Transmitter Three Pack, a gift to guide his way. At the first house there was a beautiful woman with red hair. She sold vegetables for later use and everyone raved about he ...

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Dyson DC14 Full Kit Upright Vacuum - $249.99

Hi, kippyj. Weve been noticing you. With your Mark Twain and your Sylvia Plath, a lady like you really cleans up our forums. Thats why were offering this Dyson DC14 Cyclonic Bagless Vac Full Kit. We think someone like you will have a soft spot for a poor little Costco refurb that just wants to do the best it can. Theres no filters to clog, kippyj, no bags to buy. That saves you money in the long term. You could spend that on imported Italian tuna if you wanted. You also get a full kit ...

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Nikko 1:10 Scale Fast and Furious R/C Car - $24.99

Wheres an enchanted Zoltar machine when you need one, hunh? I want to be small! And not just, like, heroin-chic small. I mean small. Im talking three apples high. I want to sleep in a cigar box. I want to be itty-bitty, teeny-weeny, eensy-weensy small. As in: We are the Littles, boom-cha-cha-boom-cha-cha. Why? Well, for a lot of reasons. First, Id save a fortune on food, shelter and clothing. Second, theres my lifelong macrophilia, which stemmed from watching Attack of the 50 F ...

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NavMan N40i NavPix 3.5" Touchscreen GPS

Has this ever happened to you? Youre on your honeymoon, just trying to start your life as a normal couple, when suddenly you have no idea where you are or why its raining. The NavMan N40i NavPix GPS is ready for just this problem. The NavMan N40i NavPix GPS knows the roads like it was the trusted guide in an old R.K.O. movie. The included United States Maps will make it easy for you to plot the best path away from the science department of your beloved American university. Once ...

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RCA Lightweight Behind the Neck Headphones - 2 Pack

Poor Debbie was born different. Each day she would dread going to school, to endure another day of Hey, four ears! She couldnt even pretend she didnt hear. Shed just sit under a tree and read comic books about her hero, the Ten-Eyed Man, and imagine that one day things would be different. And then she met the RCA Foldable Headphones (2 Pack). She noticed his four pairs of interchangeable color caps, Blue, Metallic Blue, Black and Red. She noticed that there were four for each ...

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Polaroid Ultra-Compact 7 Megapixel Digital Camera - $79.99

Wassup, Polaroid T737? I suppose you think youre pretty hot mustard there, with youryour seven megapixels and your 16mb of memory built-in. Ooh, look at me, Ive got image stabilization, Im super cool, no ones as cool as I am, Im the coolest thing since like, whatever. Well, you know what? Whatever! I mean, okay, maybe you do have 3x optical zoom. And maybe you can expand your memory with SD cards. But you know what? You arent the only camera on earth that has that stuff, okay ...

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Viore HDTV Wizard Portable HDTV Tuner

Boy, Clarence, youre really poring over that database. I like your enthusiasm. Every time I walk past your door, I see you in here, eyes on your screen with an intensity people usually reserve for watching live NHL games in HD. I just want to warn you not to overdo it, though. I mean, youve been staying late almost every night since well, I guess since about when the hockey season started, is that right? Anyway, you seem to be putting in a whole lot of hours, glued to the screen, he ...

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Altec Lansing M604 Powered Audio System for Zune

Sly Giddlehauser wanted his Altec Lansing M604 Zune Speaker. He wanted to use it with his Zune. He wanted to use it with the mp3 players that belonged to his friends. And he was ready to meet the devil to do it. Sly Giddlehauser pocketed his Zune as he stepped out of the old beat up truck. He walked into the Speaker Castle and looked around. There was the place. Right where aisle sixteen met aisle forty four. The crossroads. Sly Giddlehauser pulled up a chair. He thought hard about the ...

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Jabra BT135 Compact Bluetooth Headset - 2 Pack - $19.99

Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, theyre all computer-generated now, but back when they started? It was all plastic and steel, little parts they found that looked like things no one had ever seen. The Jabra BT135 Bluetooth Headset 2 Pack is a lot like that. Imagine waking up to see this photo staring down at you. Only instead of being a pair of Bluetooth 2.0 hands-free headsets with a 6mm omni-directional microphone, they would be The Anuboids, the twin robots of death! Sur ...

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SanDisk Sansa e260 4GB Media Player

Gregor Sansa Awoke One Morning From Troubled Dreams To Find Himself Transformed In His Bed Into A Conveniently Compact Media PlayerHe was lying on his durable alloy casing, sleek and scratch-resistant. This is awesome! Gregor thought, and immediately set about fiddling with his own easy-to-use, backlit controls. Gregor! his mother called from the hall. Its quarter to eight! Get up! IM_UP_ALREADY_JEEZE.mp3, Gregor played in reply. Alerted now that Gregor was still at home, the re ...

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Polaroid DVD Recorder with 160GB Hard Drive and ATSC Tuner

V-veronica! coff coff Veronica! Dr. Lujan! Oh, Doctor Lujan, what happened to you? In the t-tomb, Veronica! Mummies! And this! A Polaroid DVD Recorder with 160GB Hard Drive and ATSC Tuner! Polaroid? I thought that company was dead. If the dead have risen, wouldnt they be zombies, Doctor Lujan? N-no, Veronica! Z-zombies are the b-byproduct of myths created under a n-near feudalist plantation system d-designed to keep the original occupants trapped in fear and poverty ...

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InFocus IN76 High Definition Home Theater DLP Projector - $899.99

You are at Woot.com. Hovering in front of you is a button labeled I Want One! Todays product is a InFocus IN76 HD Projector. ?> LOOK PROJECTOR The InFocus IN76 HD Projector is designed to give a theater-style image at home. It uses Pixelworks DNX video-processing technology to deliver high-definition images through the use of multiple enhancement techniques. It has a removable swivel base and could also attach to the ceiling. It is a refurbished model, but it is perfectly fine. T ...

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Pinnacle Woot TV PCTV HD Pro Stick - $69.99

Once youve seen HD television, its hard to go back to that fuzzy, smeary-lookin signal you used to watch. But paying service fees for HD and SD TV? Son, thats for suckers. Wipe up what were spilling here: The PCTV HD Pro Stick gives you live, high-quality, digital HD programming on your notebook or any other computer. It pulls the signal right out of the air like magiclike magic, we say! So magic-like is it, in fact, that we discourage use of this product by Cimmerian barbarians. ...

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RCA Universal Remote 2-Pack

RCR812! RCR812! Come to the window! Whos there? Hello? Its me, darling! Your RCR430S, come to you at long last! Yes! Oh, yes no! You mustnt come here. My family Im sorry, my beloved. I know I promised I wouldnt make trouble for you. But I couldnt stay away. I couldnt stop dreaming of your curved body, your 8-in-1 universal capability, your backlighting! I had to be near you! And I know you feel the same way about me! Of course I do, darling. Youve no ide ...

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Jabra C820s Noise Canceling Headphones - $59.99

Pardon us for cyber-peeing all over the e-party, but Cyber Monday strikes us as an especially lame name for ecommerces big day. At least the bricks n mortar equivalent, Black Friday, has a speck of wit to it, with its dual connotations of apocalypse and profitability. Cyber Monday? Bah, humbug! That name tells us nothing about the day or what it means. You might just as well call it Cipher Monday. Its almost enough to make us put away these premium Jabra C820s Noise Cancelling Headp ...

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iRobot Scooba Floor Washing Robot - $99.99

Doctor Vanvin Von Venvun scowled at the iRobot Scooba purring across the room. He was sure that the Scooba scowled back. Venvun envied the little Scoobas AWARE Robot Intelligence System, the sensor array, the constant scans of the environment, the ability to adjust behavior up to 67 times a second. Doctor Venvun hadnt adjusted anything 67 times a second since he was fifteen. He had long despised the cocky way the Scooba slid across the hardwood floor. Confident. Arrogant. Bold as a Ptolem ...

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Sandisk 1GB Media Player with FM Tuner and Voice Recorder

The relaxed conversations of a loving family. The laughter of children at play. The televised roar of the football crowd. All of these warm Thanksgiving sounds burn my ears like acid. I must escape, must retreat from the loathsome, suffocating clutch of my so-called loved ones. Until Im old enough to ignore what my dumb parents say, Ill be packing the Sandisk Sansa c240 1GB MP3 Player. Cocooned in its pod of noise, I repel and offend the others, just the way I like it. Theyd never unde ...

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Mark of Fitness Wristwatch Blood Pressure Monitor

Torchlight danced as old Godrelka scratched on the door of the hut. Behind her cowered the villagers, terrified and dangerous in their fear, willing to do anything to banish it. Only the wizened Godrelka, with her milky eye and her ancient walking stick, calmed them even long enough to see if the rumors were true. What kind of baby had been born behind this door? The door swept open. Yanusz, the babys father, stood in the doorway, sweaty and defiant. What do you simpletons want? Weve d ...

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LeakFrog 2-Pack

Rock, dont ya find me pretty no more? Dont I make you happy? Happy? Only thing makes a man happy in this place is a Leakfrog 2 Pack. Oh, Rock, come to bed. Look, I bought this pretty thing just for you. Dont you wanna see me in it? All I wanna see is a new bottle on this heah table. Them Leakfrogs is scratch resistant. You scratch resistant, Margie? You got a plastic housing? Lord knows I tried, Rock. I tried so many times for you. But you didnt, did ya? You aint a succ ...

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iRobot Roomba 4296 Remote Scheduler Robotic Vacuum - $99.99

Hey, wallflower! Stop cursing your two left feet, cowering from strangers who ask you for a dance, and fleeing back to your filthy apartment to weep the night away in lonely squalor! You, too, can dance the Roomba! Bring the erotic Cuban rhythms, three-stage cleaning system, and bagless debris bin of the Roomba to your living room, dining room, or ballroom by following these simple instructions: 1. Crouch opposite your partner. 2. Place your right or left index finger on your partner ...

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Moving Lips Speakerphone

Every night. I see it. I hear it. It talks. To me. Every night. Hey, Bertrand, where were you? I didnt see you at the Bijou. It speaks in the voices of my friends. My family. Sometimes, strangers. Can you come over Saturday and help me move a piano? And its lips, its obscene lips, they move. Like metal worms gyrating in an obscene foxtrot of the damned. Im telling you, youve got to taste this salmon. No more! No more! I plead. I cry. Well, your aunt would really like it if you could come ...

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Broadxent BritePort Cable Modem - $7.99

Male4 years oldCARROLLTON, TexasUnited States Last Login:11/2/07 Broadxent 8601 Cable Modems Blurbs About me:Um, I never know what to write for these things! Im just a cable modem who likes a good laugh and a fast Internet connection. Im CableLabs certified to meet DOCSIS1.1 standards for ubiquitous interoperability. I like to think Im easy to setup through either Ethernet or USB connections. And Im working on a screenplay. Who Id like to meet:Willie Nelson, Stephen Colbert, Maura Tie ...

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SanDisk 1GB MP3/WMA Player with FM Tuner and Voice Recorder

Dear Mrs [REDACTED], You may already know this, but in case Alex has neglected to tell you, I am assigning him to detention for one hour this Friday, June 8th. The reason is as follows: Alex consistently defied me. During class he contradicted me numerous times when I insisted that any iPod was inherently superior to any Sandisk MP3 player of equal size. Every other student in class accepted my lesson without argument, based on my reasoning that more expensive things are always better ...

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Power Sentry Theatre Director UPS - $129.99

Hi, Helen. Is Bob in there?Mr. ParaUniversalLineBros is out of the office just now, Mr. Wellesburg. Can I help?Maybe, Helen, Maybe. Im looking for some information on a Philips Power Sentry Theatre Director.Everybodys talking about him these days, Mr. Wellesburg.I understand he did a picture with you a few years ago.Yes, sir, he was a dream to work with. He was always very stable when we needed battery backup during power outages, and was especially good with high performance h ...

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USRobotics USB Internet Speakerphone - 2-Pack - $9.99

Tom: II justI just dont understand. I thought we had something special. I thought we had something worth waiting for. Amy: Its just too hard, Tom. Me, here at podiatry school in Ontario, and you, off drilling for oil in Uzbekistan. Its tearing me up inside. I cant do it anymore. Tom: But what about the Skype phone I sent you? We can talk all the time now. And its all free, since were both Skype users. I can even call you free or cheap when youre home visiting your folks in Dulu ...

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Microsoft Zune 30GB Digital Media Player (Black or White)

Our deal-sense is tingling. We feela disturbance. Forces are shifting. Constellations are aligning. The clouds of fate roil madly in the sky of destiny, presaging severe kismet storms with a 40% chance of serendipity. The universe is trying to tell you something. No, not live life to the fullest or love your fellow Earthlings or wash me. Its saying Buy a Zune now. Just look at the evidence. It goes way beyond our foul little cranny of cybertopia. Even the unwashed non-wooter ma ...

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Belkin Mobility Kit for RoadyXT & Xpress - $19.99

Todays deal is a lot like the new Led Zeppelin greatest hits album: only a certain type of person will be interested.Dont get us wrong, this Belkin Mobility Kit for RoadyXT & Xpress is a very nice piece of technology. We give as an example the rechargeable TunePower Battery, which charges your XM device (not included) as you move and runs for 4-5 hours on a single charge, just like Stairway To Heaven. Or the two included radio holders, which support the Delphi RoadyXT and the Audiovox ...

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InFocus IN1 Gaming Projector

Remember, Woot members can buy InFocus accessories for 20% off, including screens, extra lamps, the ceiling mirror (shipping in January but available for pre-order), and more, directly from InFocus. But hurry! Oh Grant, you strutting fool. You fancy yourself the alpha wolf in our little pack. Always the war chief of every clan, the master of every guild except when you cant make it to a session, because you actually have a date with a girl. Well, show-off, enjoy your dominance while yo ...

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Invicta Stainless Steel Racing Sport Chronograph

Slumped on the infield turf, surrounded by his dejected pit crew, Pierre-Luc von Canizelli felt his blood boiling and his breakfast baguette coming up on him. Outrage! Scandal! To watch the American upstart Humphrey Morganford basking in the hourras! of the crowd was too much to bear! To imagine that the exalted Grand de Mans Motorspree, premier race in all of the southern portion of west-central Europe, should be won by this gorilla in his baseball hat! Canizelli felt he would sooner die t ...

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Steelsound 3H Professional Gaming Headset

I met her at a web page that I frequentWhere I sometimes buy things that I like to getLike a headsetA Steelsound 3H Professional Gaming Headset The copy said lightweight and folded yetI was worried about the plug that Id find on the end of my HeadsetAnd what sort that Id getA Steelsound 3H Professional Gaming Headset Well, Im not the worlds strongest Warcraft vetBut they say the sound is optimal as it can getFor a headsetSteelsound 3H Professional Gaming Headset It has an omni-directi ...

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Anycom Solar Bluetooth Car Kit - $49.99

Lights. The sky was filled with lights. Bennett dropped to his knees on the rocky desert floor. So they were real. They had come to Earth. He gasped at the sheer immensity of the largest saucer, an enormous, twinkling edifice hovering overhead, dwarfing the vast scale of the desert landscape. This is what it wouldve looked like if those hippies had succeeded in levitating the Pentagon, Bennett thought idly. We have hippies where we come from, too, a thought answered. But what is this Pen ...

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US Robotics USB Internet Phone

A dark figure stalks the recesses of your soul, clad in the finest finery Hot Topic has to offera mad chef from Hell, pushing the buttons on a blender of illusion that will whip, dice, pulse, and pure your mindhes Scottt Devil, Brainfiend! Tonight, equipped with only a standard wooden toothpick, a styrofoam cup, a gift for sleight-of-hand, and the US Robotics USR9601 USB Internet Phone, Scottt will attempt to escape from the ironclad box of expensive long-distance calling and place a ...

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Jumbo Junkie Universal Jumbo Remote Control 2 Pack - $9.99

Alison: Hello? Dad: Alison, its Dad. Im calling about those remotes you gave me. Alison: The Jumbo Junkie Universal Jumbo Remote Control? Whats wrong? You still having trouble reading the buttons? Dad: No, no, thats fine. The problem is - Alison: Because, Dad, those buttons are huge. I mean, were not going to find a remote with bigger numbers on it. Are you hitting the wrong buttons? Is that it? Just concentrate a little more, Dad. You can do it. Theyre pretty far apart. Dad ...

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Philips Bluetooth MP3/Cell Phone Headset

Gosh, wouldnt it be swell if somebody came up with a cell phone that played MP3s? Like, you could be listening to your legally purchased DRM-encased audio files and when a call came, this magical wonder-device would mute the music so you could talk. And maybe they could sell it for, like, six hundred bucks, but only for a month or two, and then you could lower the price just to stick it to the eager beavers. Ha ha! Boy, what fun thatd be. A phone that plays MP3s. Thats some futurist ...

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Random Crap

Wait, wait, why are you clicking that button? Don't click! You don't want this junk. Seriously, clicking that I WANT ONE button is a one-way ticket to disappointment and shame. You'll cram a few useless clumps of consumer flotsam into your life, be out like eight bucks, and for what? For what? What is the sound of one hand crapping?If you must proceed, CHECK THIS OUT. Somebody misunderstands this concept every time, so please READ THE BIG PRINT: 1. WHEN YOU ORDER THIS ITEM, YOURE ORDERING ...

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AT&T H450 Earbud Headset - 2-Pack - $2.99

Let me tell you something about the AT&T H450 Earbud Headset (2 Pack). The AT&T H450 Earbud Headset (2 Pack) might be the purest darn form of sound reproduction that man has yet created. Throw out those CD players and iPods and super expensive turntables, man, because phonecore is about explode like Rivers Cuomo at an anime convention. Oh, yeah, scoff if you want about how Van Halen never used a retractable cord or the clothing clip and say that the AT&T H450 Earbud Headset (2 P ...

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Microsoft Zune 30GB Digital Media Player (Brown)

Hey, if you previously bought a brown Zune for $99.99, you can enter the coupon code BROWNNOSE for $20 off any order of $20 or more before shipping, on any Woot site. CFO: So as you can see, examining a regression analysis of the factorial ANOVA yields a product-moment correlation coefficient - CEO: Yeah, yeah, I think we get the idea. People dont like brown Zunes, even though they have the same 30GB hard drives and wide-screen 3 LCDs as the white and black ones. So how do we turn tha ...

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Saitek A100 MySpkr Personal Stereo Speaker - $12.99

Were a schizophrenic society, us. On the one hand: BIGGER! BIGGER! BIGGER! On the other: smaller smaller smaller. From our SUVs and our fountain sodas to our own mushy, bloated bodies, were a nation of size queens and wanna-be Texans, prostrate in mass worship of sheer mass. But our phones and other electronic devices keep shrinking, always shrinking, approaching the point of vanishing altogether (if only). Whats a portable speaker to do, when it must satisfy these two contradictory dema ...

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Halberd 31-Piece Roadside Emergency Kit

Some emergencies really are impossible to plan for. Like, when you hear about a huge frozen boulder of sewage falling from an airline lavatory and crashing through somebodys roof. Or when a dense stadium-sized cloud of gnats descends on a baseball playoff game. Not only would it be hard to anticipate such an event, it would be kind of crazy. See how your neighborhood association feels about you installing a huge sewage-iceberg-catching net over your house. But other emergencies give plen ...

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RCA Dual Format DVD Recorder w/ DivX, HDMI and HD Upconversion

Hey, I admit Im not what I used to be. But what VCR is? Time was, those were the three hottest letters in home entertainment. VCRs like me were electronics royalty, toasted everywhere from the White House to the house next door. I even heard about some teenage girl in North Philly trading her newborn baby for a VCR. Not that I endorse that kind of thing. Point is, we were hot. Everybody wanted a VCR. And we earned that respect. Back in my heyday, you could go out on a Thursday night and I ...

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Jabra BT-350 Bluetooth Headset - 2-Pack - $19.99

The Jabra BT-350 Bluetooth Headset (2 Pack) could change your life. Let me explain: there was once a great undersea kingdom called Atlantis. And in that undersea kingdom of Atlantis there lived a race of fish-things. The fish-things had long, beautiful, prehensile tails and strong functioning appendixes. But their scientists developed tail free labor saving devices, and within a few hundred million years, all the tails were gone, and the fish-things were little furry rats beneath the feet ...

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Microsoft Zune 30GB Digital Media Player - $99.99

Good evening, friends - As I sit by the fireside and chat with you tonight, consumers across America are enjoying the music and movies of their choice on personal handheld devices. The portable-media revolution has lifted countless multitudes out of the doldrums, and for that, we can all justly be proud. But what of the others? What about those who have never known the convenience and pleasure of portable audio and video? As I look out across America, I see a nation that has left far to ...

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RCA 1000 Watt 5.1 Home Theatre System - $89.99

Youve worked hard to get where you are, and youve earned the right to enjoy your stereo system. But have you ever stopped to consider what would happen if, heaven forbid, your stereo was suddenly gone? Most of us dont want to face it. We think itll never happen to us. But burglaries, fires, mudslides, electrical surges, meteors: all of these dangers and more can leave you audio-less in an instant. Fortunately, there is something you can do. For a one-time payment of 95 dollars, the RC ...

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Steelsound 5H USB V2 Professional Gaming Headset

Steel! Pitiless, indestructible, unbending has any other alloy exerted such power over the human imagination? Conan the Barbarian gutted half of the snake-worshippers in Hyboria in his quest for the Riddle of Steel, while countless 80s housewives flexed their neon-lycra tushes toward the elusive dream of Buns of Steel. When a Soviet bureaucrat named Josef Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili needed a really kick-ass code name, he didnt call himself Man of Brass. He became Stalin, Man of Steel. A ...

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Hannspree 9.6 LCD TV

Way back in the Dark Ages of the late 1900s, certain grumpy old stick-in-the-mud parents tried to limit the time their children spent watching TV. These fascist fuddy-duddies forced their kids to engage in archaic, possibly European practices like reading books and playing outside instead of letting the kids watch some red-blooded, all-American TV any time they felt like it. Good thing we know better now! Todays parent can choose the Hannspree 9.6 LCD TV (or TVs) of their childs p ...

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Micro RC Helicopter 2-Pack - $19.99

I dont know who you are, but Im onto you. I know youre not really my son. Oh, the resemblance to the real Jared is uncanny. The haircut is exactly right, the eyes are the right shade of blue, and those are even the same clothes I laid out for him this morning. Nice job.Anybody who doesnt know Jared as well as I do would be fooled. But I know the score. For some reason, somebody has replaced all of my loved ones with inexact duplicates. Again. Well, its a good thing I bought two of thes ...

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Pinnacle PCTV HD Card - $49.99

How much would YOU pay to turn your PC into a FULL-FEATURED HD TV with ATSC, NTSC, Clear QAM, and FM tuning capability? WAIT - dont answer yet! What if your PC could also act as a PERSONAL VIDEO RECORDER, letting you pause and rewind LIVE TV and capture YOUR favorite shows to YOUR hard drive in YOUR choice of video format? And all WITHOUT paying a PENNY in monthly service fees? How much would you pay? Five hundred dollars? Six hundred? A thousand? Of course not. Youre not stupid. That ...

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Portable Wine Cellar

Ever wished you could casually refer to your wine cellar in conversation? Ever longed for the status and allure that owning a wine cellar would bring? Well, if youve been slurping up the bargains over at Wine.Woot, youll need one. But having one added to your home can be costly, not to mention expensive. So heres a 60-bottle wine cellar with no construction costs and no cobwebs in the corners. Its our gift to you for staggering to the finish line of this Woot-Off. Each bag holds 6 bot ...

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Razer HP-1 Barracuda 5.1 Channel Gaming Headphones - $59.99

WEST UNION, OH Authorities remain puzzled as to exactly how a barracuda wound up clamped onto the head of a local man Thursday, in the first of a probable wave of shark attacks in the area. Early Thursday morning, Jared Rodoni, 22, was found by his parents unconscious in their basement. The barracuda, holding onto Rodonis head at the ears, was easily dislodged by the parents. Rodoni was unhurt, but sleepy. I keep telling you people, it wasnt a real barracuda, Rodoni said. It was ...

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HP Photosmart 3210 All in One Printer, Copier, Scanner w/ Bluetooth Adaptor

The HP 3210 All-in-One Printer and BT450 Wireless Bluetooth Printer Adapter swept down from the hills like a dark and hungry wind. The first thing anyone would notice would be the The HP 3210 All-in-One Printer, its long white hair flew wildly in the breeze generated by the two swinging katanas that had been enchanted to draw blood from anything, even lamp posts and cheese. Raised in a school for ninjas who also did kung fu and kickboxing as a hobby, the HP 3210 All-in-One Printer wa ...

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The Wizard Universal Charger 2 Pack

Two wizards. Li-Ion, babbled Mr. Humphrey. Polarity monitor. Shines if its the right way. Cellphone. MP3. Silver! Doris sighed and scraped a clump of applesauce from Mr. Humphreys chin. The radio rasped out a report about the fighting at Guadalcanal, and she thought of Ralph, off fighting for democracy, freedom, and FDR. She wondered if Mr. Humphrey had ever fought in a war hed be about the right age for the Spanish-American, she supposed. But looking at the shriveled ol ...

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Philips 1GB MP3 Player

Hey, music fan: whats your dream gig? If you could put together one night ofyour musical acts playing live, at any point in their careers, which ones would you choose? We put the question to some important rock critics (well, as important as rock critics ever get). Here are their replies: Dave Swamp, Tumbling Rock magazine: Bob Dylan, the Beatles, and Bruce Springsteen. The answer to any question about rock music is always Bob Dylan, the Beatles, and Bruce Springsteen. Vilus Infector, Co ...

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Reebok Heart Rate Monitor and Sports Watch

Well, look at you. I see times beengood to you. Not everybody your age can get away with wearing that little black strapless number. Its a daring move, showing that much skin. But you, you look great. Ive said it before and Ill say it again: nothings sexier on you than the Reebok Strapless Heart Monitor and Sports Watch. I love the way you let it all hang out, so free, so unencumbered. I love the way that strapless thing recalls heart rate readings for up to 42 laps. I cant ...

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Belkin TuneSync Dock and 5-Port USB Hub - $14.99

Think of anything, no matter how mundane and trivial, and theres at least one person out there whos obsessed with it. Airline schedules. Shoelaces. Artichokes. The Chicago Cubs. Right now, some weirdo somewhere is diligently updating a website or organizing a convention or printing up t-shirts dealing with some subject that most of the world barely even notices. Somebody at Belkin feels this way about USB, and frankly, were concerned. A search of the Belkin online catalog yields no ...

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Timex XM Satellite Series Alarm Clock Radio with XM Antenna - $49.99

Some gifts just keep on taking. You know what we mean: the kind of well-intentioned present that burdens the recipient with the obligation to pay for its upkeep, or put a lot of work into maintaining it. The kind of gift that makes you wish the giver had forgotten your birthday like, say, a koala bear, or a build-your-own-particle-accelerator kit, or an abandoned factory site polluted with benzene hexachloride. Uh, thanks for finding a new way to squander my precious time and resources, b ...

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Hyundai 19.2volt Cordless Drill with 2 Batteries

x Warranty: One yearFeatures: Hyundai Heavy Duty Series 19.2v Cordless Drill with 2 BatteriesHeavy Duty 19.2 Volt, Two speed Drill (Bright Red) Jacobs Chuck 24 Torque Positions 1.2 Amps 6 Drill bits and 6 screwdriver bits Technical Details Metal ShaftHard CaseRPM (0-350, 0-1100) Discuss this product

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Pinnacle PCTV To Go HD Wireless

You can tell by the song in your heart and the pungent aroma in your nostrils: National Catfish Month is here! Every August, a nation drops to its knees before the altar of the slimy fish-god. Children stay up late hoping to catch a glimpse of the Phantom Catfish making his rounds, and thousands of the whiskered, scaleless bottom-feeders are ritually slain and eaten in a bloody orgy of bilge and batter. Heres how the Pinnacle PCTV To Go can make your National Catfish Month celebrations eve ...

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Nyko Air Flo EX USB Controller for PC/MAC 2 Pack

Forget about climbing into the seat of a Harley, blazing down the highway, feeling the wind in your hair. Thats so late 1900s, so real life. Todays free spirits climb into their computer chairs to blaze through pixelated non-worlds, feeling the wind blowing through their fingers. At least, if theyve got the Nyko Air Flo EX USB Controller. Against the sweaty-palmed oppression of The Mans game controllers, this pair of USB PC doohickeys brings Air Flo technology, to keep your hands ...

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TomTom GO 510 Portable GPS Vehicle Navigator

Oh, I was real smart. Yeah. No GPS unit for me, boy. I was convinced they were a waste of money, and you couldnt tell me nothing. When my buddy Fat Chris bought his TomTom Go 510 GPS, I about busted a bloodvessel laughing. You spent two hundred bucks on what? Why? Where the hell do you ever go? You need a computer to tell you how to get to Arbys? I went out that night and dropped a hundred-fifty at the Velvet Pillow Gentlemans Club, just to remind Fat Chris what real money could buy. H ...

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Compaq Presario Pentium 4 3GHz Desktop PC

When its time to buy a new desktop PC, youd do well to ask some hard questions. Like, who are the people bemoaning the so-called oil peak scam? How can oil run out when its actually the waste product of an underground society of reptiloid shape-shifters? Why do they so mercilessly persecute those who see through their rhetorical fog to the truth about the reptiloid intelligence controlling our world? Funded by the Bilderberger cocaine-smuggling network and coordinated by re ...

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Polaroid T737 7 Megapixel Digital Camera

Why do we like the Polaroid T737? We could rattle off all kinds of rational, substantive reasons, reasons having to do with its usefulness and performance. We could say its because of its 7MP resolution, or its 3X optical zoom. We could cite the image stabilization, PictBridge capability, and big 3 LCD. Oh, and this price doesnt hurt, either. But if were being honest, we have to admit that none of that has anything to do with why we really like the T737. The real reason? Its pretty. ...

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Microsoft Zune 30GB Digital Media Player - $149.99

Ill never forget the day the Hipster putted into town. I can still see his maroon Vespa wheeling around the town square and pulling up outside The Grounds Floor Coffeehouse like it was earlier today. Matter of fact, it was earlier today. Black frame glasses beneath a sculpted bed-head, with an ITALY zipper jersey and retro Adidas: seems thats what the girls around here go for. Female heads turned all over the Grounds Floor, or so the story goes. See, I wasnt there. I was next door mindin ...

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La Crosse Atomic Clock - 2-Pack

KRs retirement to-do list: Catch up on all the Rachael Ray on my TiVoRemind Nancy & Harry about the compromising videos in my vaultWrite speech for hi-$$$ corporate gig: Nefarious Mastermindery For Fun And Profit Re-grout bathtubGet Nickelback ticketsSpend more time with familyStudy flash cards to remember familys namesLunch with ScooterDinner with ScooterDrinks with ScooterRestraining order against ScooterHave Skeletor costume dry-cleanedPrepare syllabus for my Advanced Character ...

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Polk Audio RM7400T/RM40T Tower Speakers - Pair

It was August 20th, about midnight in fly-over states I was lookin for some speakers but none of the prices were too great And at one am in NYC I found a deal that seemed real neat While some moron rushed to be the one that first posted Wheres The Feet? So I read me the review bout that Polk Audio Tower Speaker Pair And it said Billy Joe MacCenter Speaker wont be inside your Woot box there. They handled the front channel well and looked as pretty as you please They had two 4.5 inch ...

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Targus Wireless Keypad & Mouse Combo

Targus Wireless Keypad: Hey, how you doing? I guess were going to be working together. Targus Wireless Mouse: Yeah, nice to meet you. Call me Mouse. Targus Wireless Keypad: Im Keypad. Nice to meet you, too. So, uh, you ball or optical? Targus Wireless Mouse: Optical. We pretty much all are these days. Targus Wireless Keypad: Oh, cool, cool. Whyd they refurb you? Targus Wireless Mouse: Beats me. Some guy in Michigan sent me back, said I wouldnt turn on. I think he had my batter ...

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RCA 160 Watt Rip & Go 5-Disc Microsystem With 256MB MP3

Whenever a new technology comes along, old-school manufacturers are never quite sure how to handle it. In their befuddlement, theyll sometimes try to graft it wholesale onto an existing technology that they understand. Some of these hybrids are good ideas, like cell phones with integrated GPS capability. Others are not, like the Bluetooth toasters of a few years ago, or the telegraph-equipped butter churns of yesteryear. So what shall we make of the RCA 160-Watt Rip & Go 5-Disc Micro ...

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SanDisk Sansa e250 2GB Media Player - $49.99

Hey, if you buy this, youll need to download the manual and the SanDisk Media Converter software. The SanDisk Sansa e250 2GB Media Player has an image problem. Seems its not enough these days to just play audio and video files no, youve gotta have a flashy gimmick or a clever angle, to set yourself apart from the field somehow. While we let SanDisk work that out, well take a moment to explain how to tell the Sansa e250 from the many other things it could easily be mistaken for. G ...

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Kensington FM Tuner and FMTransmitter for iPod

CASE STUDY #867-B: Karl-Heinz, male aged 26 of medium build, exhibited symptoms of split-personality disorder, manifested through his attitude toward the relationship between his iPod and FM radio. Under normal conditions, Karl-Heinz happily used an FM transmitter to listen to his iPod through an FM radio. Tests indicated no anomalies of perspiration, cognition, bowel function, or hair growth at these moments. When subjects attention was drawn to the fact that the iPod itself contained ...

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InFocus ScreenPlay 7210 HD DLP Projector - $1,199.99

Hey, look, the Infocus Screenplay 7210 HD DLP Projector is back! Once again, its even cheaper than it was last time despite the fact that it remains one of the best home-theater projectors on the market today. Its like that thing Matthew McConaugheys older-dude character said in Dazed & Confused about how he keeps getting older, but the chicks stay the same age. Only not sleazy, or potentially illegal, orwell, OK, its not that similar at all. We just like thinking about Dazed & ...

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LG Bluetooth Headset - $12.99

Hark! Gadget commentary draws near, along with other substances most foul. Gaze deeply, if ye dare, into another installment of Ask an Incontinent Viking, the gadget column hosted by Fjafalgnjir the Vexed, an 11th-century Danish warrior transported into a modern world he never made. Of all the wonders of time travel, the loss of bowel control is the least wondrous. But if you think Fjafalgnjir will be stopped by a few inconvenient splashes here and there, well, youve obviously never smel ...

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Reactor Critical Mass Stainless Men's Dive Watch

Oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh Oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh Listen up everybody if you wanna tell the hour Just put on this stainless steel watch by Re-ac-tor! Dont worry bout nothin cause it dont cost much Were gonna put you in a trance with our funky watch! And you know were Watchin tough, Watchin tough Watchin tough its rough Oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh Oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh Everybodys always talkin bout waterproof 200 meter depth, and thats the truth! 316L stainless steel and thats a fact ...

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JVC UX-N1W Micro Component Audio System

Some people are so insecure about certain personal deficiencies that theyll go to any lengths to compensate, no matter how dangerous or irrational. Theyll drive at hazardous speeds, play endless guitar solos, or make foolish misjudgments of their own fighting abilities. Or theyll cram their bedroom, dorm room, or office with absurdly oversized stereo equipment. But none of it will fill the void in their souls (or anywhere else). Sad, really. But not you, right? Youve got nothing to co ...

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Pinnacle PCTV To Go HD Wireless

You can tell by the song in your heart and the pungent aroma in your nostrils: National Catfish Month is here! Every August, a nation drops to its knees before the altar of the slimy fish-god. Children stay up late hoping to catch a glimpse of the Phantom Catfish making his rounds, and thousands of the whiskered, scaleless bottom-feeders are ritually slain and eaten in a bloody orgy of bilge and batter. Heres how the Pinnacle PCTV To Go can make your National Catfish Month celebrations eve ...

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Lobeman Earpiece FM Radio 2-Pack

Viktor 375-B: See, theres the scar, right there behind my ear. Bobb M-99-9: Whoa. Man. Laara V77-9L: Did it hurt? Viktor 375-B: Yeah, it hurt like hell. Still does. But its not like I had a choice, right? The Directorate has spoken. So when are you guys getting yours done? Bobb M-99-9: Got an appointment at the Biodrome next Jebsday morning. Laara V77-9L: Actually, you know, I was thinking maybe I wouldnt get one. Viktor 375-B: What? But you heard the decree. Bobb M-99-9: The Directora ...

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Dyson DC15 The Ball All Floors Bagless Upright Vacuum

They are the shattered. They are the broken. They are the victims of societys indifference to ergonomic vacuum-cleaner design, sufferers of an epidemic of the condition known as vac back. These are their stories. One minute, I was a happy mother of two, vacuuming the floor of my three-bedroom ranch home in Florida City, Idaho, says Shirley Knott of Florida City, Idaho. Then I tried to maneuver my vacuum cleaner around the trapdoor hatch in my bathroom, and I felt a slight twinge in ...

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Everglide S-500 Professional Gaming Headphones

HOLLA AT YA BOY HOLLA AT YA BOY YEAAAAAH WAZZZUUUUUUUP MY DAWWWGZ As a beta tester for the upcoming Warcraft: House Party, I simply dont have the desire to mix the orc grunts with the night elf moans over a thumping dwarven tribal drum-n-bass using normal speakers. Thats why all serious multiclass dj illusionists use the Everglide S-500 Professional Gaming Headphones. They feel nice against your ears, like a snug helmet. You can almost feel your armor class rising a few points. And ch ...

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Netgear 108Mbps Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter - $12.99

Frankly, we have no insight to offer on this Netgear WG111T 108Mbps Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter. What do you say about a decent but not spectacular 802.11b/g USB wireless dongle? So were joined today by our good friend the Deviant Anagram-Bot. He loves creating anagrams almost as much as he loves his other, more unsavory interests. Well let him explain a few of the Netgear WG111Ts key features in his inimitable style. Take it away, Deviant Anagram-Bot! WEP Encryption: No Pint? Weep, Cry ...

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Kyocera Bluetooth Portable HandsFree Car Kit

The Wrong Tom Richards: Yeah, hello? Debt Collector: Tom Richards? The Wrong Tom Richards: Yes, this is Tom, but I think I know what this is about, and - Debt Collector: Why havent you paid your bills, Tom? The Wrong Tom Richards: Is this about the $147.92 from Crate & Barrel? Because if it is, Im not the Tom Richards youre looking for. Weve been through this before. Debt Collector: Stop lying, Tom. Give me your credit card number right now. The Wrong Tom Richards: Im telling you, ...

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Sandisk 512MB Ultra II SD Plus w/USB 2-Pack

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of the memory cards, in the village of Sandisk, twins were born. All the village hailed this auspicious birth. Tinkers and milkmaids gathered around to admire the twins 512MB storage capacity and 9MB/second sequential write speed. The great Storage Volume in the sky hath truly blessed us with a fine pair of SD cards, said the twins grateful, beaming parents. May they live long lives, and transport much data. And for months afterward, the parents yammer ...

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iRobot Roomba Discovery SE - $149.99

As we all know, the new Harry Potter book is finally on the shelves, and the whole world is amazed at the discovery that Hermione was working for Voldemort since the third book. Another great discovery is the iRobot Roomba Discovery SE 4220. With a 31 cubic inch dustbin and multiple cleaning modes this little baby hunts down dirt with the fury of someone who accidentally heard about the part where Harry strangles Snape with his bare hands after discovering that Dumbledore had been his fathe ...

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InFocus ScreenPlay 7210 HD DLP Projector - $1,299.99

Please, please, just dont shoot. Well give you whatever you want. Just please, please, lets stay calmlook, weve got families at home. Please, just think of them before you do anything rash. No, we dont have any cash on us. Pat us down, check for yourself. See? But we can let you have this Infocus Screenplay 7210 HD DLP Projector for just $1,299.99. No, no, wait, this really is a steal! Im talking about a 720p high-definition home theater projector with a 2800:1 contrast ratio and ...

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Zcyber i3 Mini Speaker 2-Pack - $8.99

The Great Wall. The terracotta army of Qin Shi Huangdi. Kung Pao chicken. These towering achievements of Chinese culture were mere prelude to the crowning triumph of the Kingdom of the Dragon: the Zcyber i3 Mini Speaker. Can the Great Wall connect to your iPod, MP3 player, portable CD player, or any other device with a headphone jack? The i3s 200Hz-12KHz frequency-response range isnt too impressive, but what kind of range does Kung Pao chicken offer? (Hint: none.) And even if you went t ...

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Samsung Digimax L85 8MP Digital Camera

This is the the Samsung Digimax L85 Digital Camera! pay attention, we dont have much time Its resolution is 8 megapixels! the guy who does the podcast totally has a crush on you It has a 5x optical zoom and an 8x digital zoom! he wants to ask you to the prom It does MPEG4 movies as well, and red eye reduction! he doesnt make a lot of money, and he spends it all on Hulk toys The design makes you feel like youre holding a little piece of history in your hand. you can do better This Samsung ...

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Microgear Mini RC Helicopter

Revvin up the engineMicrogear's ready to flyTiny little copterPlastic rotor spinnin high Microgear to the danger zoneFlimsy toy copter in the danger zone Headin for the ceiling fanCrashin on the kitchen tileOh, great, now its brokenThat was fun for a little while Microgear to the danger zoneMy entire house is a danger zone Youll have to say goodbye to itIf a strong, stiff breeze happens to blowA heap of plastic on your drivewayNow you know just how high it can go Out along the edgesAl ...

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Random Crap - $1.00

Today is Woots third birthday were almost potty-trained! so welcome to the party. But instead of taking home a goodie bag, how about a Bag O Crap? The Internets most beloved consumer ripoff returns for a celebratory reel around the crap fountain. Whatever you do, dont buy it. Come on, it says crap right there in the name. What are you, nuts? If you must proceed, CHECK THIS OUT. Somebody misunderstands this concept every time, so please READ THE BIG PRINT: 1. WHEN YOU ORDER THIS I ...

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Uniden 5.8Ghz 4 Handset Digital Expandable Phone w/Answering Machine - $49.99

Its amazing what phones can do these days. Surf the web! Play video! Store 80 kajillion songs! Hit a major-league curveball! Make a bed with perfect hospital corners! Skin a fugu puffer fish without leaving any residual poison in the flesh! But of all the incredible feats of cellphone strength, heres the one we like best: lowering the prices of older, still-perfectly-good cordless landline phones! The Uniden 5.8Ghz 4 Handset Digital Expandable Phone w/Answering Machine cant accomplish ...

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IntelliTEC Digital Water Purity Tester - 2 Pack - $9.99

I guess the ward been bad for most people, but I was living fat. Before it kicked off, I was the khaki-panted chump in the third cubicle down on the left. Which office? Doesnt matter. Youd never have noticed me anyway. Then the uprising uprose, the bombs started falling, and the trucks stopped coming. Those of us who were stuck here hadda get our consumer electronics from someplace, and I happened to be in a position to bring em in. Life during wartime rolled along pretty sweet. Until o ...

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Archos 504 40GB Portable Media Player with Travel Adaptor

As much as we love this Archos 504 40GB Portable Media Player, we have to level with you: its not quite perfect. Sure, it gets great reviews at places like Cnet, just like most Archos players do. On its face, it looks like the very model of a modern media player. But peek behind the Archos curtain, and youll find 40GB hard drive holds so many songs, mentally unstable users may become frustrated and bellicose when trying to decide what to listen to.Users may find themselves drawn into t ...

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Targus Universal Notebook AC/DC Adapter

Before you buy this, make sure your notebook computer is listed on the compatibility chart. Hack, hack! The wise, wizened wizard Llaroth coughed again, bringing forth a heavy clod of enchanted phlegm. The swordsman Rothmer and the leprechaun Oughaugh exhanged a look of concern. Not even a powerful wizard like Llaroth was immortal, and with each flurry of wet, grinding coughs, the old mage drew nearer to his journey into the realms of shade. He hadnt much time left. I havent much time ...

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Insignia 4GB Media Player w/FM Tuner - $59.99

Now you listen to me: Im not going back to the Big Box. No way. I went through hell to get out, I plan on staying out, and anybody who thinks different better be ready for trouble, got it? Real bad trouble. You dont know what its like in there. Sure, to you it just seems like a big electronics store. To a guy like me sitting on the shelf, it's a prison. Insignia 4GB Media Player, wake up. Insignia 4GB Media Player, take a pee. Insignia 4GB Media Player, put on this blue polo shirt. I ...

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Vector 17 Liter Travel Cooler & Warmer Console

Styrofoam Cooler: Hey, welcome to the garage. Nice to have another cooler around here. Watch the spiders, though they get inside you for the winter and youll be choking on webs until Memorial Day. Vector 17 Liter Travel Cooler & Warmer Console: Oh, hey, thanks. My names Vector. But actually, Im not - Mini-Fridge: Hes not a cooler, foam-for-brains. See the power cord and the cooling fan? Hes obviously a refrigerator, like me. Hows it going, fridge brother? Vector 17 Liter T ...

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iRiver AFT100 Mobile FM Transmitter 2-Pack

Leisure Suit Guy: Hey, this Fourth of July party is getting a little too quiet. I think its time we liven it up with my favorite Independence Day gift, Mr. Modulator! V-Neck Sweater Guy: Hey, whats that? Leisure Suit Guy: Well, you set the dial on your FM radio, start up your MP3 player, andTesting, attention please V-Neck Sweater Guy: Hey, Eminems on the radio! Feathered Blonde: We love it! Announcer: These kids are having a fabulous time with the iRiver AFT100 Mobile FM Tra ...

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ATI Radeon X600SE 128mb PCI Express Video Card

The way a Cro-Magnon man sees it, the $20 ATI Radeon X600SE 128mb PCI Express Video Card does everything a fancy $200 card does. Our protohuman pal wouldnt trouble himself with arcane minutiae like vertex shaders and contour fluency or computers, for that matter. Hed look over the Radeon X600SE, either clutch the shiny bauble to his chest or fling it away in superstitious terror, and go on about his nasty, brutish, short life.Theres much to envy in the relaxed Cro-Magnon approach to vi ...

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USB Missile Launcher - $17.99

Dont be fooled by the superficial peace in your office right now. Sure, everything might seem nice and placid, for the moment. Boring, even. But make no mistake: as you blissfully type away, your enemies are out there somewhere, waiting for their chance to invade your cubicle and destroy your way of life, to sprinkle unfamiliar orange snack-food crumbs into your keyboard and reset your Windows wallpaper to something pornographic. When the thin veneer of civilization cracks and your offic ...

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Vivitar 8.1MP Digital Camera with 6X Optical Zoom and 2.8" LCD

A glass of water sat on St. Peters gold-trimmed marble desk. On the surface of the water sat a small box-like structure, made by folding up the sides of a piece of ordinary window screen. Eyes a-goggle, St. Peter stared in wonderment as the screen boat lazily floated across the water. I give up, Don, St. Peter finally laughed. Why doesnt it sink? I mean, the things full of holes! And its made of metal! What gives, huh? What gives? The new arrival smiled. You see, all matter ...

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HP Photosmart 3210 All in One Printer, Copier and Scanner

Tommy Baritoni watched the photo print roll out of the HP Photosmart 3210 All in One Printer. Ah, thats the stuff, he thought, admiring the full-color portrait of his favorite band in all their early-80s glory, headbands, keytars, and all. They stopped making bands like Journey anymore, but I still believe. Tommy checked his watch and wondered where Marcela, Summer, and T.J. were. They were supposed to meet him here fifteen minutes ago. Around him, the other customers of the Bloomfiel ...

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Nyko iBoost Rechargeable Battery Pack for iPod - $19.99

Sadly, the classic 1980 motion picture starring the Village People got it wrong: sometimes, you can stop the music. Especially if your name is Low Battery Power, and said music is played by an iPod. In that case, youll find the music eminently stoppable. The Nyko iBoost may not completely fulfill the promise made by the Indian, the Cowboy, the Policeman, the Sailor, the Construction Worker, and the Leather Daddy. But hook it up to any full-size iPod with a dock connector, and y ...

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Belkin Wireless MediaPilot Keyboard

Yeah, I got the face of a Tom Waits hero but she still sits next to me at the bar. A woman like that, a woman like that makes a man feel like a Belkin 2.4 MultiMedia Keyboard w/IR. She makes me feel so full of life, just like the built in USB cord means that the Belkin 2.4 MultiMedia Keyboard w/IR needs no batteries (as long as you dock it once in a while to charge). She makes life seem simple and easy when she is around, just like the directional pad and scroll wheel of the Belkin 2.4 Mult ...

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SanDisk 1GB MP3/WMA Player with FM Tuner and Voice Recorder

Dear Mrs [REDACTED], You may already know this, but in case Alex has neglected to tell you, I am assigning him to detention for one hour this Friday, June 8th. The reason is as follows: Alex consistently defied me. During class he contradicted me numerous times when I insisted that any iPod was inherently superior to any Sandisk MP3 player of equal size. Every other student in class accepted my lesson without argument, based on my reasoning that more expensive things are al ...

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HacVision Cease&Desist 20GB GPS with 7" Touchscreen

Well level with you. This unit wasnt actually made by a company called HacVision, and this model isnt really called Cease & Desist. See, the original manufacturers were forced to change their name shortly after they birthed this eminently hackable GPS device. We cant tell you who it was, but lets just say a Major American Company objected to a vague resemblance between this manufacturers name and the name of one of the Major American Companys flagship products, whic ...

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Sharp SD-HX500 1-Bit Digital 500 Watt Flat Panel Home Theater System

HOST: Welcome to TheAnswer Is Kim Jong-Il, the only game show in the entire world. Todays first combatant is Paek Song-Ryol, a street-sweeper from Kaesong Industrial Region who enjoys chess, ideology, and foraging for edible grasses. Comrade Paek, our informants indicate that you have not smiled since Juche year 71, or the imperialist year 1989. The Great Leader Kim Jong-Il salutes you on your serious-mindedness. PAEK SONG-RYOL (bowing, nodding): Thank you, Great L ...

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Logitech X-540 Black 5.1 Speaker System - $39.99

PC audio has come a long way since the primitive beeps and boops of the WarGamesera. A lot of very smart people have worked very hard to enablecomputers to reproduce a full range of sounds, noises, and frequencies,with as much detail and depth as life itself. Meanwhile, youre stillusing the same crackling PC speakers youve been straining to hearsince Mike Espy was Secretary of Agriculture. Countless audio engineersand computer programmers have busted their repsective humps for yourlisteni ...

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RCA Lyra 20GB MP3 Player - $79.99

Its a good thing for RCA they came along in the gramophone era, because if they were just starting out today, their logo would be a dog listening to an MP3 player, which lacks something in the iconic charisma department. Not that the RCA Lyra RD2826 20GB MP3 Player doesnt have its charms just that it doesnt scale down well to the size itd have to be for a dog in a logo to listen to it. Good thing youre a human being and not a fictional advertising icon. Youre free to tear yours ...

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iRobot Roomba Sage with Convenience Pack (4110)

Layabouts, rejoice! Summer, season of leisure and idleness, is upon us! How much of it are you going to waste pushing a vacuum around? With the iRobot Roomba Sage 4110 Robotic Vacuum, that answer can be none of it. Youve got weenies to roast and marshmallows to toast, rollers to coast and ticks to host you cant get any of that done with one hand on a vacuum cleaner. (Well, except the part about the ticks. Theyre pretty low-maintenance.) See, while youre off nude rollerblading o ...

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HealthPro Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor - $19.99

As far as Im concerned, if you cant mount a gadget on your wrist, it isnt worth owning. You probably think youre pretty with it, strutting around with that watch on, but I scoff. Like this: scoff! Oh, you say youve got a calculator on yours? Nice try, amateur. Get back to me when youve built a wrist-mounted DVD player, or webcam, or carbon-monoxide detector, or microwave. Perhaps then youll be worthy of my company. So when my doctor told me my blood pressure was looking a litt ...

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Buslink Direct Encoding MP3/CD Stereo with Touch Screen

Clock Radio: I dont know, I just feel sosouseless. Redundant. Its like nobody really wants me any more. Psychiatrist: I see. Clock Radio: I mean, why would they? Its not like I can compete with something like the Buslink MC-518 MP3 Radio. Its got a clock and an alarm like I do, and AM/FM radio plus you can hook your MP3 player up to it, or play audio CDs, or even MP3 CDs. Psychiatrist: Thats interesting. Clock Radio: As if that wasnt bad enough, it can rip MP3s from ...

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Toshiba Multi-Drive DVD Recorder with VCR

She left today. I think its for good this time. See, while she was at work, I was supposed to call Chez Casa and make a reservation for our anniversary dinner. I meant to, I really did. But when I woke up, around eleven, Chez Casa wasnt open yet. So I started playing around with my Toshiba DVD Recorder/VCR D-VR4, and, well, the next thing I knew, she was getting home from work and asking what time our reservation was for. From there, it was all you love that full-featured, progressive- ...

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Razer m100 Pro|Solutions Protone In-Ear Earphone 2-Pack

Razer has built a multi-thousand-dollar business on its upbeat and reasonable image, liberally using terms like Pro|Bass and Pro|Tone and Pro|Solutions to describe its initiatives. After all, optimism sells. Who could possibly be against bass and tone? What critic would dare to take the Anti|Solutions stance? But look behind the smiley-face window dressing on products like the Razer m100 Pro|Solutions Pro|Tone In-Ear Earphone and a darker story emerges. The happy rhetoric masks a ...

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Vizio VX20L 20" LCD HDTV

Sometimes I really miss Dad. Ill never forget this one time when I was six years old. I was watching Dad work in the backyard, wishing I could be big and strong and in control the way he always was. He noticed me there and called me over. With a twinkle in his eye and a hand on my shoulder, Dad told me, Son, there are only two things that people really want in life: sex and money. Then he went back to stashing his counterfeit money under the false floor in the toolshed. I know if Dad ...

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Zyxel M-302 802.11b/g Extreme MIMO PCI Adapter - $19.99

PC: (opens eyes, looks around room) He-hello? Where Surgeon: Take it easy, take it easy. Youve been through a lot. But it appears that the wireless-enhancement surgery was a success. How are you feeling? PC: So tired. Weak. Surgeon: Thats perfectly natural at a time like this. After all, we had to open your case to connect that Zyxel M-302 802.11b/g Extreme MIMO PCI Adapter to your motherboard. Youre going to need at least ten minutes to recover. Maybe fifteen. PC: (tries ...

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EarCheck Middle Ear Monitor - 2 Pack

Hey, we got nothing against fluid, per se. Were second to none in our appreciation for various fluid-style substances, from beer to bleach. Some of our best friends are fluids. If our sister wanted to marry one, wed give the happy couple our blessing. But fluid must know its place, and that place is not in your childs ear. While its more expensive than tugging on your tykes ear to see if they scream out in pain, the EarCheck Middle Ear Monitor EC-1 is a more accurate method for fer ...

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Gourmet Coffee Cafe Single Serving Coffeemaker with Free Coffee - $19.99

72 pods of coffee on the wall! 72 pods of coffee! Take one down, brew it in the Gourmet Coffee Cafe, Ah, never mind. This isnt working. How about this one: Shes got pods, she knows how to brew them She never, uh, what rhymes with pods? Yeah, that ones going nowhere. Theres gotta be some song we can appropriate to explain that this Gourmet Coffee Cafe Pod Cofeemaker comes with 72 pods containing a variety of coffees and teas in convenient, mess-free single-serving portions. ...

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Sony NW-S705 2GB MP3 Player with Noise Cancelling Headphones

Purple: full-fledged member of the visible light spectrum, or bastard child of a drunken dalliance between blue and red? Unless youre a Minnesota Viking, a preteen girl, or Prince, chances are you dont wear a lot of purple. We cant recall ever seeing a purple house. No country uses purple in their national flag. There just arent many situations where it works. But it's better than pink. Leave it so Sony to prove that purple doesnt work for MP3 players either. They may say their Walkm ...

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GN Netcom GN9120 Wireless Headset Bundle - $139.99

Heh, heh, heh. If these suckers think they can get an honest days work out of me, theyre sadly mistaken. Ive got shirking down to an art, or a science, or a blend of art and science that I call artence. And the GN Netcom Wireless Headset Bundle lets me take my game to a whole new level of slackiness. Sure, its got some great features, if youre planning to use it to get actual work done. The GN9120 headset has an operating range of up to 300 feet. Its encryption and frequency-hopp ...

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Acer 22 Widescreen LCD Monitor

The effects are disorienting and immediate. Suddenly, the world seems to expand, to become unimaginably wide. Colors glow with a burning intensity. Motion seems somehow smoother and sharper than ever before. Hidden realities reveal themselves in brilliant and intricate detail, opening up secret doors of perception, imparting immense significance to the most mundane sights. Even YouTube videos dont look quite as crappy as before. You are under the influence of LCD. A particularly pot ...

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Sima Atomic Watch Random 2 Pack

K. Jong-Il: OK, put away the DS, Bashar. Your Nintendogs arent going anywhere. Weve got to get this meeting started, and were already running late. Bashar al-A.: But the power is so intoxicating. Look, I tell the dog to eat, it eats! I tell it to roll over, it rolls over! Such obedience! Such magnificent obedience! Such an animal this is! K. Jong-Il: Yes, he looks delicious. But frankly, poor time management is becoming a real obstacle to realizing the full potential of t ...

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Evesham Nav-Cam 7700 Touchscreen GPS - $159.99

It has long been a tradition among the drunk and the knowledgeable to discuss what ten albums would be taken along to a desert island. The Evesham Nav-Cam 7700 GPS system w/MP3 and Voice Prompts makes this question a thing of the past. First, because the SD expansion slot allows you to load up cards full of mp3s in your pockets before the RIAA come to kidnap you as part of the fiendish scheme to trap the whole world on desert islands and prevent file sharing, so you dont have to just choo ...

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Lite-On DVD Recorder/VCR Combo

Man, copyright infringement was so much more fun back when there were only a few of us doing it. I can still remember the great Short Circuit 2 battle of 88, when me and the LES Video Buccaneers crew had VHS copies of that family favorite on the street in time for the Christmas season, just ahead of the Rivington Street Movie Boyz. Ah, there were giants in those days. All we had to worry about was the occasional nosy cop, and we could usually deal with that by slipping the officer a coup ...

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Westinghouse 40 LCD HDTV with Built-in DVD Player - $799.99

It did not naturally occur to young Arthur Best and sweet, timid Martha Gentlerose to muster the courage to approach strangers on the pavement, much less to ask for money; yet old Nickelpennys orders were as set in stone as Moses Commandments, and so the two children exerted the sincerest efforts on the passing crowd in Prince Queen Square. Shilling for an orphan, sir?, Arthur queried a great fat shopclerk waddling across the stones. The man peered over his mutton-chops at the waif ...

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Compaq Athlon 64 3800+ Media Center PC

Our overseas fans already know that we dont ship outside the United States. (And well die before we recognize Alaska and Hawaii.) But like good New Web eConomy Startup 2.0 dot-commers, were interested in advancing the cause of global understanding and all that crap. Honestly, our eyes tear up a little every time we see that car commercial where the kid whispers zoom, zoom while the shiny new car zips past a bewildered Masai goatherder, and somewhere, a wise old Chinese lady smiles. ...

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Toshiba USB Optical Scroll Mouse 2 Pack

Earl: Brother, close that Dumpster. Forget about those cans. I got an idea thats gonna pay our rent for years, maybe even months. Merle: Oh, brother. Im not dropping this can until I hear this idea. Earl: Are you ready? Get ready. Here it is: mouse fights. Merle: Oh, brother. What, now? Earl: Once or twice a week, we set up a ring in the basement and stock up the cooler with cheap beer. Think about it: two bucks a head, plus another two per beer, plus a cut off the top of a ...

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Ultrex Contact Grill - $19.99

In 1215 a nation stood in crisis. The first Earl of Sandwich had turned against His Majesty King John and spearheaded a rebellion that caused the beginnings of the industrial revolution. Drunk with power, the Earl had used the magic books of Merlin to grow to an incredible size and managed to enslave the left half of Scotland as well as a little tiny chunk of Wales, leading to a drop in the potato mines and a shortage of shepherds pie through all of Europe. With no other choice, King Joh ...

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Uniden 2.4GHz Cordless Phone With 4 Handsets & Digital Answering Machine - $44.99

The sun fought the clouds that morning over the little green house in the Carolina hills. While the human inhabitants fussed about getting ready for work, the households three cats lounged around the living room. And as cats will do, they gossiped. Mercilessly. Seriously, I dont know what she sees in him. Always with the loud music, the ham radio, the power tools in the house. What, he can put those big air horns in his Toyota, but he cant fix her car from when he ran into it with h ...

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Siemens Bluetooth Car Kit

Curse my dashing, sophisticated continental style. You see, I wouldnt think of getting behind the wheel of my Alfa Romeo without my full-fingered deerskin driving gloves. But what do I do when my mobile phone rings? It might be my investment advisor calling from Dubai, or my haberdasher letting me know that this weeks new suits are finished. In other words, essential business. But I cant push the little buttons on my sleek, sexy phone while Im wearing gloves. And a gentleman always dr ...

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Pinnacle PCTV Pro USB 2.0 Analog TV Tuner

The unthinkable has happened. You had to apply for three jobs a week to keep getting your unemployment check. Who knew one of them would actually call back? Now, while youre on the clock, a world of passion and intrigue is passing you by. Every day you miss your soaps, life feels a little less worth living. It's enough to drive you to the liquid oblivion at Wine.Woot. But before you take out a payday loan to buy a TiVo, consider the more economical Pinnacle PCTV Pro USB 2.0 Analog TV T ...

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Delphi USB 2.0 Lighted Cable - 4-Pack - $7.99

We thought nothing could be more exciting than USB cables. Then we saw these Delphi USB 2.0Lighted Cables and realized what idiots wed been. If anything saysyes, Im a total badass, ladies form an orderly line like theseluminous doodads, weve yet to plug it in.Just to shed alittle light on the subject (sorry, sorry, a thousand times sorry), let's be clear: your order will include one cable each in red, blue, and orange, and green, netting you four cables in toto. These ten-foot USB ty ...

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Whistler Portable GPS with 3.5" Touch Screen LCD - $219.99

I tried it all. Scientology, Hare Krishna, Amway. I even called myself a Cubs fan for a while yes, I was thatfar gone. But no matter how hard I searched for somebody who would tellme what to do, I still felt lost, like my life had no direction.Then I took the Whistler WPGX-635 Portable GPS NavSystem into my car, and into my heart. Everything changed. O wise andeternal Whistler, our all-seeing guide through the byways of theprofane world! O auspicious WPGX-635, shining the benevolent li ...

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Abacus Atomic Men's Stainless Steel Watch - $19.99

According to the prophets of yesteryear, the atomic age was supposed to have transformed the world by now. Where are the nuclear rocket cars we were promised? What happened to that energy too cheap to meter? When will I become a nuclear-powered superhero? Why are we still fighting wars the sluggish, messy old-fashioned way instead of the efficient, turbo-charged atomic way? Those dreams remain unfulfilled, but at least we have this Abacus Fossil watch as a consolation prize. About th ...

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Sandisk Sansa e140 1GB MP3 Player - $29.99

Fiendishly clever, SanDisk. You innocently put out this Sansa e140 Digital Audio Player at a reasonable price, out of the apparent goodness of your heart. A backlit multi-line LCD, 1 GB of storage space, plays MP3s and WMAs along with all the various Plays for Sure purchased download files heck, you even threw an FM tuner into its compact chassis. Pure benevolence, SanDisk. But dont most people want to listen to more than 240 songs? Thats where this happy tale turns sinister. See, ...

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Westinghouse 42" 1080p HD Ready LCD TV - $1,049.99

Hey, Mom. Hows it going? Yeah, I know its been a while since I called, but its kickball season, you know how it is. And Ive been spending a lot of time down at the unemployment office. Its a lot of work not working, heh! So, uh, listen, did you ever hear back from the lab? Oh, really? Wow, thats awful, Mom. Im sorry. Cant they do that on an outpatient basis now? Six weeks in the hospital? Whoa. Man. Thats rough. I guess youll need to take a lot of time off your job. Hey, I ...

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Logitech Curve Headphones 2-Pack - $4.99

OK, we admit were a little puzzled as to why Logitech chose to emphasize the curvy element of these Logitech Curve Headphones. Weve never seen a straight headphone set and given some of the nonsensical, misbegotten doodads that drift through here, thats saying something. Its not like theres nothing distinctive about these things. Just look at them for a minute, if you can stand it. But we suppose Logitech Translucent Asparagus-Colored Headphones That Look Like A Pair Of Wr ...

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Canon ZR500 MiniDV Camcorder - $179.99

So those bloodsuckers who run Hollywood thought they could keep old Sheldon Shelman out of the biz, huh? Well Im not hanging up my clapboard just because a couple of know-it-all critics misunderstood my last few movies. OK, maybe the world wasnt ready for a musical about abortion. But give it a couple of years people will start to come around on Roe v. Wade! Roe v. Wade! Roe v. Wade! And hey, Japanese rental audiences cant seem to get enough of Bald Thunder: The Alan Greenspan Story ...

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Boston Acoustics CR65 Bookshelf Speakers - $149.99

Im hahdly an audiophile. But music is close to my heaht, from the Cahs to Gnahls Bahkley to Kelly Clahkson. Problem used to be, my speakers were wicked retahded. The guitahs sounded spahse, and dont get me stahted on the drums I could hahdly hear them. It was a fahce. Made me wanna bahf. Then I pahked a pair of state-of-the-aht Boston Acoustics CR65s up on my bookshelf. Theyre the dwahf-sized speakers with the gahgantuan sound. Boston Acoustics is so highly-regahded because a lot o ...

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Zyxel M-202 USB 2.0 Mimo Wireless Network Adapter

Welcome to another installment of Ask an Incontinent Viking, the gadget column hosted by Fjafalgnjir the Vexed, an 11th-century Danish warrior transported into a modern world he never made. Unfortunately, it turns out that loose stools are a side effect of time travel. But if Fjafalgnjir can hack his way through an entire village of Picts, hes certainly not going to let a little tummyache keep him from answering your consumer electronics questions. Q. I was considering upgrading the ...

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Belkin TuneSync Dock and 5-Port USB Hub

Think of anything, no matter how mundane and trivial, and theres at least one person out there whos obsessed with it. Airline schedules. Shoelaces. Artichokes. The Chicago Cubs. Right now, some weirdo somewhere is diligently updating a website or organizing a convention or printing up t-shirts dealing with some subject that most of the world barely even notices. Somebody at Belkin feels this way about USB, and frankly, were concerned. A search of the Belkin online catalog yields no ...

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Black and Decker Scumbuster 2-Pack

If theres something encrusted on your new trucks hood What you gonna buy? Scumbusters! If your bathtubs gross and it dont look good What you gonna buy? Scumbusters! I aint afraid of no scum I aint afraid of no scum If youre seeing things smeared on your car What you gonna buy ? Scumbusters! A visible ring around your jacuzzi spa What you gonna buy ? Scumbusters! I aint afraid of no scum I aint afraid of no scum Let me tell you something - Scumbusting makes me feel good ...

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RCA Dual Format DVD Recorder w/ DivX, HDMI and HD Upconversion

Todd: Man, this Pee-Wees Playhouse tape is totally malted. I cant even tell which King of Cartoons that is. Eric: I told you it was an old tape. You know what they should totally invent? A DVD recorder. Todd: They have those. Eric: Im not talking about a DVD burner. I mean a DVD recorder, like a VCR but with DVDs instead of tapes. Todd: Yeah, they have those. Eric: No way. Todd: Seriously. My cousin, hes got an RCA Dual Format DVD Recorder. It can totally record TV shows o ...

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Optoma HD32 720p High Definition DLP Projector

Price club, shmice club. Some people like to flaunt their price clubmemberships as evidence of their infallible sense of frugality nobodyever puts one over on them, no sir. And theyll buy a years worth oftoilet paper at a time, just to prove it.But the Optoma HD32720p Projector makes us a little skeptical. If these price-clubbers areso savvy, why didnt they jump on this excellent projector the firsttime around? Here Optoma goes and makes this version of theirmuch-loved HD70 projector ...

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Valet 9104 4-Sensor Tire Pressure Monitoring System with Display

Its not obsessive; its just my routine, OK? I go through it every time I have to take the car. Iwalk into the garage, leaving the door open because Ill be headingback in to wash my hands presently and I wont want to have to touchthe knob again. I open the drivers side door, get in and move thedrivers seat all the way back, then return it to its proper position.Repeat three times. I turn the side rear-view mirrors totheir most extreme obtuse angles of reflection, then re-adjust them to ...

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Lacrosse Indoor Comfort Meter

Anchorwoman: ...but Dad, a senior administration official,said today that even if he meets curfew every weekend for the nextmonth, Chads allowance will not immediately return to itspre-grounding levels.Anchorman: Now lets turn toAl Tostratus at the Actionwitness Weather Desk for the latest on theweather around your house. Al, I understand some of our viewers may belooking at some sticky conditions this morning.Weatherman:Thats right, and our Lacrosse WS-9410U Indoor Comfort Meter inBathr ...

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Dyson DC07 Low Reach Vacuum

Check this out: the other day we were talking to some old geezer he musta been, like, 30, or maybe even 35. He told us that, once upon atime, people had to actually push vacuum cleaners around by hand!Oh, how we laughed. Everybody knows vacuum cleaners are little roundrobots that clean up the floor by themselves. But we found the oldcodgers fantastical tales amusing, so we decided not to roll him forhis Social Security check.Looks like the jokes on us. Turns out the Dyson DC07 LowReach ...

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Planar PR6020 Mobile High Bright DLP Projector - $899.99

Therapist: OK, tell me about your trip. You went to Venice, Rome, Paris, and Barcelona, right?You:Yeah, but I dont know why I bothered. It was just like every othertime. I try to enjoy myself, I try to forget, I try to distract myselfwith the sights and the food and all thatbut I cant stop thinking: Oh my God, I dont have a projector. What am I going to do if I need one?Therapist: I see, I see. A classic case of Projector Withdrawal Anxiety. PWA, we call it.You: Its ridiculous, becau ...

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Excalibur Emergency Roadside Kit

On the side of the road againJust keep waiting on the side of the road againWondering if the auto club guy really is comingTired of sitting on the side of the road againOn the side of the road againGoin nowhere til I dont know whenWishing for tools to bring this ordeal to an endJust helpless on the side of the road againOn the side of the road againLike a band of gypsies camped beside the highwayI never shouldve lentMy Excalibur Emergency Road Kit awayEasy for me to sayOn the side of ...

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Everglide S-500 Professional Gaming Headphones - $39.99

Now I know how Arwen felt when she decided to leave Rivendell forthe West, for the day has come when I must make an announcement I havedreaded. Kevin, Chul, William, I regret that I cannot continueattending our Thursday evening LAN gamingcircle due to continuing deficiencies in the facilities. I haverepeatedly made my objections known, and yet these deplorableconditions continue. In particular, Williams uncontrolled flatulenceand Chuls involuntary bursts of profanity make it impossible ...

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Prevention Blood Pressure Monitor

You know that creep in the office whos always complaining about howpeople put food in the break room fridge without labelling it? Yournemesis has just been named your new supervisor. Your hairy, pudgynudist neighbor has almost finished that outdoor hot tub. Your carsnew alternator left a trail of debris down the highway. And the kidshave ruined another DVD player by forcing it to play a slice of Velveeta. You can feel your blood pressure rising, cant you?No,actually, you cant. Your bl ...

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Excalibur Brew Master and Wine Master Combo - $9.99

Nobody livens up a bar like the Booze Guru. Every taverns got one: a rotgut raconteur who can opine on which Austrian lager is the smoothest, spin a ribald yarn about the sheep who ordered a martini, referee a spirited round of Quarters, and raise a toast in flawless Irish Gaelic, all in one toxic breath. When hes bellied up to the bar, this guy (and its always a guy) is surrounded by pals and chums, greedily sucking down his joie de vivre. But his firewater friends dont know about al ...

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Toshiba 20 HD Ready LCD TV with built-in DVD Player

Sure, HD TVs are great. For one thing, Congress has decreed that every household must own one under penalty of TV deprivation. Theres no better way to watch sports, movies, or the aging processes of our favorite celebrities. But do they all have to be so damn big? What about those of us who live in cramped apartments, or dorm rooms, or underground bunkers? Isnt buying an HDTV enough must we also own a vast, unused expanse of household real estate to gain admission to the HDTV club? ...

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Compaq Presario Media Center Desktop PC

The doctor stepped through the swinging doors into the waiting room. He didnt need to ask for the patients family he could see it in their anxious faces. Why were we called down here, doctor? asked a pensive young woman, clearly the patients wife. Has there been any change, or? A burlier, mustachioed version of the patient probably the older brother stood up, stone-still face masking worry and hope. Yeah, whats the situation? The stoop-shouldered mother sat silently ...

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Boston Acoustics CRC 2-Way Center Channel Speaker - $59.99

Ask any genuine baseball man: you cant win unless youre strong upthe middle. Without a decent catcher, a solid double-play combination,and a hotshot centerfielder, you may as well pack up the Cracker Jacksand hand out the forfeits, because you aint going noplace. Its likewhen I was managing the Burlingame Dixies back in the old Four-I League we had this real tall kid at short, couldnta been older than 16, butsix-six if he was an inch. I tell you, that kid snatched up the groundballs ...

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iRiver AFT100 Mobile FM Transmitter - 2-Pack - $19.99

If you play in a band, you never forget the first time you hear oneof your songs on the radio. I still remember that night last November:me and the rest of Balanced Breakfast were piled into the van, on ourway to a special one-night engagement at Ground Rulez Coffeehouse withPimpotronicasaurus, possibly the most popular funk band in the greaterBloomington area hell, in all of McRoe County. Obviously, we werealready on cloud ten, right? And were we cranking theradio? You know we were, si ...

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Zyxel M-102 Xtreme Mimo Wireless Laptop Adapter

Some products just write their own copy. Something about them anevocative name, a freakish appearance, a novel solution to a commonproblem, whatever instantly suggests all manner of fascinatingpossibilities. These products are the joy of any copywriters workday.Then theres this damn ZyXEL M-102 XtremeMIMO Wireless Laptop Adapter.Wevebeen staring at this thing for days like its the I Ching, hoping astory would emerge to reward our patience. As you can tell by now, wegot zilch. Wev ...

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SanDisk 512MB MP3/WMA Player with FM Tuner and Voice Recorder

Thumbelina sighed as she looked at the flowers one last time. All she had wanted was to listen to the SanDisk 512 MB MP3 Player that was exactly her size, and now here she was, trapped into an arranged marrage with Mr. Mole. It was like an Ice T song, she cried to herself, the oldest cliche in hip hop. Thumbelina knew her hip hop, just as she knew that the embedded flash memory of the SanDisk 512 MB MP3 Player made it ideal for tiny house parties, or perhaps jogging, if her size had match ...

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Microsoft Streets and Trips 2006 w/ GPS Locator Hardware

If you were one of the lucky ones to get a Pulsar watch during one of those rare, magical moments that they appeared in a previous Woot for just a few seconds like a phantom on a foggy night in The Negative Zone, you can already use the second hand on an astrolabe to calculate where you are at all times. For everyone stupid enough to think they didn't need that watch, we recommend you buy the Microsoft Streets and Trips GPS 2006 with GPS Locator.With access to over 5 million miles of road, ...

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InFocus IN72 Home Entertainment DLP Projector - $599.99

$200 InFocus rebate download form here. Price shown above is before rebate. Price after rebate: $399.99.Hi! I dont usually meet people through online personals like this,but when I saw your ad, I just had to respond. There was just somethingabout your sleek black casing, InFocus IN72 -so lustrous, so stylish, so different from the usual bulky greyprojectors. And Im so tired of the same old big-box store scene, tiredof the headgames, tired of never meeting a projector I really liked.He ...

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Razer Pro|Tone m100 In-ear Ear Phones

You ever want to gross yourself out, pay close attention to the earsof everyone you meet for a day. Ewww. You never knew human tissue andcartilage could contort itself into such a variety of grotesque shapes,such a horrific gallery of nubs and crimps and ridges and hollows.Stare long enough and they start to seem like something extra-human,some alien protuberance grafted onto the otherwise pleasing human head.And thats not even considering the oddly-placed hair and crusted-onwax youre sur ...

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H&R Block TaxCut Premium Federal&State on 256MB Thumb Drive

Accountants are great at tax time, except for three problems: theirservices are a little on the expensive side; some percentage of themare crooks, swindlers, and chiselers, and you have no way of knowingwhether your accountant is going to vanish some day and leave you brokeand on the hook for tax-fraud charges; and very few accountants willfit inside a standard pants pocket.By packing its expertiseonto a 256MB thumb drive, H&R Block TaxCut Premium Federal &State solves all three pro ...

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HANNspree 32 inch Widescreen LCD HDTV

"My dear boy," said the man in the grey ascot. "My dear boy, surely you could tell?"He was testing me. A man who ran a big corporation like this didn't ask a question without already knowing the answer."It's a HANNspree Xv 32 inch LCD HDTV," I told him over the sound of the slow-moving fans."How many questions did it take?""I figured it out when it told me it could be both computer monitor and TV.""But how many?""Eighty five.""How many does it usually take?"I blew a smoke ring at the owl in ...

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