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Doctor's Log--Menopause

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Doctor's Log--Menopause

DATE : Fri, 9 Dec 2005 22:48:00 GMT
Entered in Database : 2005-12-09 22:48:00
length : 1939331
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Menopause

I am amazed at how underestimated the condition called "Menopause" is. To most, it is simply a physiological condition of aging resulting from a change in hormonal productions, fluxes and balance in the female gender. That clinical mouthful is reduced in lay terms to: unpredictable hot flushes in afflicted women, irritability and loss ofinterest in romance and related activities.

Menopause is most likely a leading cause, if not the leading cause, of relationship problems and failures in the age groups affected. Divorce and marital separations are the result. When the term "Midlife Crisis" is used to summarize these problems, the fact that it is Menopause that may be causing the problems is somehow overlooked.

I was moved when once a patient who had earlier started taking Estrogen to improve the symptoms of Menopause was recalled to re-assess the treatment after a new scientific study implicated such Estrogen treatment as presenting a risk for certain types of Breast Cancer. The patient flatly refused to stop taking Estrogen. Why? Because without Estrogen, her marital relationship would be over for sure. That was not an option for her. What a choice to make--between Breast Cancer risk and Divorce certainty.

The relationship-burden of Menopause is huge. If better understood and properly taken care of, such a burden may not, and should not result in the wrecking of the relationships and lives of those affected. These relationships are not just important: they also define the essence of life and well-being for the affected; and perhaps, the way most people see themselves--their roles and place--in the larger society; that is, their whole identity. Since every woman, if she lives long enough, will undergo Menopause, and her relationships will thus be "touched," some focus should be directed towards managing and maintaining relationships.

The typical man's reaction to Menopause is to feel rejected just because his partner does not respond to sexual cues any longer, nor does she appear to have any interest in romance. It appears that no amount of education, professional or otherwise, can convince the man that this is not really about him per se, therefore, the issue is NOT REJECTION. I believe that most men are reasonable, especially those men who are interested in protecting and preserving a hard-won, valuable and indispensable relationship, which most such relationships are. When a man can be led to understand that he is not being rejected, that this is a condition beyond the control of the woman, an "issue" wherein his partner finds herself a victim, too, then, the man will naturally swing into the role of an understanding partner-helper, just as he would were his partner to be diagnosed with a serious long-term ailment.

A woman going through Menopause, besides putting up with all the usual problems, often feels guilty for "being accused of rejecting" her partner; then, she is saddled with being rejected herself by a partner reacting to perceived initial rejection. The vicious cycle does not end; and this is at a time when what the woman needs most is understanding--by her partner, and also by her own self. For, many women going through menopause actually believe that the loss of interest in sex and romance is their own fault--maybe they are not trying hard enough, maybe they actually made the choice... Is there an element of "shame" there, perhaps?

I think that even Nature itself groans under such a burden, because, some women are spared in the sense that not every woman will experience all the symptoms of Menopause; the seriousness and how many years the symptoms persist vary, too. Not every relationship will be stretched and stressed and torn apart.

When the effects of menopause are interpreted as REJECTION by the man, the results can be disastrous to a relationship. This interpretation needn't be so. When Menopause is seen as an undesirable but nevertheless a natural "change-event" which has the same effects as an ailment afflicting a loved and dear partner, the Compassionate power and role of the man can be brought out to maintain and nourish the relationship. Guilt, shame and any sense of rejection on the part of the woman going through Menopause can only add to the destruction of relationships.

While medical and folk-remedy treatments continue for Menopause, I wonder if it can be seen as a form of "aging," or at least, "unavoidable change," hence, placing it among the long list of other life-management issues, that way, its brutal bite on relationships can be stopped?

In summary: Menopause wrecks relationships, among other problems; it does not have to when it is remembered, especially by the man, that it is not about REJECTION; and by the woman, that it is not about shame and or guilt. This aspect of help does not require medication. If the new medications coming down the line can actually restore normal feelings and attitude toward romance even during Menopause, and not carry the risks of Estrogen, that will be great all around. Until then, remember...and protect your relationships.

Oguchi Nkwocha, MD.
oguchi@mbay.net
Doctors Log 121005

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